


Send Jon Cat Pictures. It's The Only Joy He has Anymore.

by NeedsCaffeineRightNow



Series: TMA Twitter Au [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Basira Hussain is Ashes O'Reilly, Chatting & Messaging, Multi, Nikola Orsinov is the Toy Soldier, Other, Texting, The Mechanisms Were The Archivist's College Band, Twitter, Use of it/its
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-22 13:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 46,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22564039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeedsCaffeineRightNow/pseuds/NeedsCaffeineRightNow
Summary: Jon is really popular on Twitter but no one besides the avatars and Georgie knows it's him.(Elias does not know)
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Georgie Barker & Jonathan Sims, Georgie Barker/ Jonathan "Jon" Sims| The Archivist (Past), Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Jonathan "Jon" Sims| The Archivist/ Annabelle Cane (Implied), Jonathan "Jon" Sims| The Archivist/ Elias Bouchard (Implied), Jonathan "Jon" Sims| The Archivist/ Tim Stoker (Past), Jonathan Sims & Everyone, Jonathan Sims/ Jonathan Sims, Oliver Banks/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, The Admiral & Jonathan Sims
Series: TMA Twitter Au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786690
Comments: 1404
Kudos: 2021





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was bored. Take this.
> 
> Edit: I'm going back to regular format because I want to write more for this but I don't want to mess with the skins right now, so sorry if you thought this was an update or something, though there may be one soon

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

im quitting my job and im going to go live on a farm with a bunch of cats

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@Rachelisrad_

**Replying to _@_** _thecatguy_

Can I join you?

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

yes. but you have to bring your own cat. im not sharing. 

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@Rachelisrad_

That's fine. When and where? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

im not sure. ill get back to you

**More Replies**

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

**Replying to** _@thecatguy_

If you're planning on kidnapping the Admiral, give me a heads up first

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i will be over after work to pick up the baby

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Alright. But just so you know he's in a mood. 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

when has that ever mattered?? i love all cats. even grumpy ones. and the Admiral loves me back. 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Yes. I'm aware my cat likes you more. 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

and he always will 

**Glasses are for nerds** _@iwearglasses_

You two know each other???

**More Replies**

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

_@thedistortion_ you can't send me one cat photo and then not send more. thats not how it works

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

**Replying to** _@thecatguy_

You did this to yourself

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

how?? what did i do??? 

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

You wouldn't open the door for me

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

😑

**More Replies**

* * *

**_Avatars? More like Avastars_ **

**Archivist** : _@webby_ tell Michael to be nice to me

**Webby** : _@Michael_ be nice to jon

**Michael** : You can't control me, Annabelle

**Webby** : sorry jon, i tried

**Archivist** : it wont send me cat photos Annabelle

**Webby** : why not?? 

**Archivist** : i wouldnt open _the door_ for it

**Webby** : michael. you know the rules

**Michael** : do I?

**Webby** : yes. you do. we send jon cat photos and he 'forgets' to invite elias to the chat when he asks him to

**Oliver** : Don't mess this up for us Michael. 

**Peter** : I don't understand why we cat invite Elias

**Mike** : I'm assuming you two are between divorces? 

**Peter** : Yeah. Why?

**Webby** : no reason. michael stop throwing a pity party and send jon cat photos

**Archivist** : :)

**Michael** : :(

* * *

**Michael**

_@thedistortion_

You're a snitch _@thecatguy_

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

**Replying to** _@thedistortion_

perhaps, but you cant prove anything. now send me the pictures. 

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

:((


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens, plus Jon's 'work' Twitter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! An update! Is what you are all probably thinking

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

my coworker thinks im sleeping with this cop and its the most absurd thing ive heard all day

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

asfhfuensjahandhfnahd dh

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

are you dead? can i have the Admiral? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Not quite, and I will consider putting you in my will, though

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

im not already in it? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Had to choose between you and my third cousin once removed, sorry

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i feel betrayed

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**More Replies**

* * *

**Georgie√**

_@whattheghost_

Special episode of What The Ghost next Wednesday! Starring Jonathan Sims from _@themagnusinstitute_ and Melanie King from _@ghosthuntuk_

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @whattheghost_

Should Melanie and I really be in the same room together? Is this really a good idea? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Yes, suck it up, and be nice

**Melanie** _@ghosthuntuk_

 _ **Replying to**_ _@archivist and @whattheghost_

Actually, I agree with Jon

**Jon** _@archivist_

 _ **Replying to**_ _@ghosthuntuk_

Am I hallucinating?? Have I died?? Melanie, agreeing with me?!

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Shush, both of you, this episode is going to be amazing

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

_@oLIVEr_ my dude, please tell me that my death will be coming soon and i can finally escape this hell of a world

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Are you okay? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

yes, why do you ask? 

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

No reason

* * *

_**Avatars? More like Avastars** _

**Oliver** : _@archivist_

**Archivist** : yes?

**Oliver** : What's wrong? 

**Archivist** : Elias

**Peter** : :(

**Webby** : peter, stop it, your husband is insane

**Peter** : I know! 

**Webby** : im ignoring you

**Oliver** : What has Elias done now? 

**Archivist** : nothing in particular, im just a bit tired of him, his existence makes me sad and angry

**Peter** : Isn't it wonderful?

**Webby** : i will block you 

**Peter** : why? 

**Nikola** : Scroll up

**Archivist** : Nikola! 

**Michael** : Nikola!! 

**Webby** : Nikola!

**Oliver** : Nikola!! 

**Nikola** : Hello Lovelies! How have you all been? Have you moisturized? Drank water?? Have you taken care of your gorgeous skin? 

**Archivist** : ~~no~~ yes

**Webby** : of course, i have appearances to keep up

**Oliver** : no

**Michael** : yes, and Helen's been a huge help

**Nikola** : Helen? 

**Michael** : Archivist! Add Helen!! 

**Archivist added Helen**

**Helen** : Jon? Michael? What's this?! 

**Archivist** : group chat, also, you are obligated to send me cat photos now

**Helen** : is that so? 

**Webby** : yes, its part of the rules

**Helen** : the rules? 

**Oliver** : _1\. Don't tell non-avatars about the chat_

_2\. Send Jon cat photos so we don't have to add Elias_

_3\. Peter is only valid when he and Elias are divorced_

_4\. Michael is no longer allowed to add people_

_5\. Nikola and Annabelle(Webby) are the chat moms but Annabelle actually means it, Nikola just wants your skin_

**Helen** : oh wow

**Archivist** : yep! 

**Helen** : I will send those pictures, right now! 

**Archivist** : thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Also, please give me ideas


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the last chapters :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!!

**send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
cats and tea, the two things i need to be happy

 **Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
A boyfriend would also be nice

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
yes, absolutely, thank you

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
 ** _Replying to @_** _thecatguy_  
Does that mean you're on the market? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
;)

* * *

_**Work Chat** _

**Martin** : you ever reply to a popular person's tweet and never expect them to reply but they do? 

**Tim** : No? Why would I do that? 

**Sasha** : Tim don't be mean. Yes Martin. Did it just happen? 

**Martin** : Yes!! 

**Martin** :   
_**Screenshot: Martin Blackwood @poetea**_  
 _ **Replying to @thecatguy**_  
 _ **A boyfriend would also be nice**_

_**send me cat photos√ @thecatguy** _   
_**yes, absolutely, thank you** _

**Tim** : cool

 **Sasha** : that's great buddy! That guy's hilarious, I follow him too

 **Jon** : Hilarious? He seems like a complete idiot! 

**Jon** : But, good for you Martin, I guess

 **Tim** : that was almost nice, wow

 **Elias** : Oh, Jon! You're online, please message me privately 

**Jon** : Okay

**Jon has gone offline**

Elias: Jon? 

Tim: I can't believe he did that

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
many of you have asked about my gender and sexuality... 

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@Rachelisrad_  
 ** _Replying to_ **_@thecatguy_  
Yes, and? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
that was it, just stating a fact

**More Replies**

  
**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
 **Replying to** _@thecatguy_  
You're cruel

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
me? cruel? that doesn't seem right 

* * *

_ **🐱 Georgie 🐱** _

**Georgie** : Are you still coming over later? Melanie promised to be nice

 **Jon** : yeah, of course, i want to help edit the episode im in

 **Georgie** : you just want pet my cat

 **Jon** : Georgie! if theres anything that I can do, its pet a cat and do work at the same time

 **Georgie** : obviously, sorry for offending you

 **Jon** : youre forgiven

* * *

**Melanie√**   
_@ghosthuntuk_   
_@archivist_   
**[Photo ID: A picture of a tall dark skinned man with long black hair, wearing a What The Ghost t-shirt, and covered up in a flannel blanket, laying on the couch, asleep with a cat in his arms, you can see where his glasses have been set off to the side while he sleeps]**

  
**Jon** _@archivist_  
 _ **Replying to**_ _@ghosthuntuk_  
I regret nothing, except for sleeping over while you were there. 

**Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_  
You look so cute though! 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
Shut up

**More Replies**

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
 _ **Replying to** @ghosthuntuk_  
 _@archivist_ nice look boss, wonder what your cop friend would think ;)

 **Jon** _@archivist_   
All she is going to be thinking about is my several life sentences after I murder you

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
Sounds fun :)

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
I hate you

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
I know

  
**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
 _ **Replying to** @ghosthuntuk_  
My boy looks so soft in that photo, his scowl disappears when he's asleep, he almost looks normal

 **Jon** _@archivist_   
**Replying to** _@whattheghost_  
Is that supposed to be a compliment? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
Absolutely! I love you! 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
Alright. Love you too

* * *

  
 **Glasses are for nerds**  
 _@iwearglasses_  
WHAT?!?!   
_**Screenshot:**_  
 _ **Georgie√ @whattheghost**_  
 _ **Absolutely! I love you!**_

_**Jon @archivist** _   
_**Alright. Love you too** _

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
 _ **Replying to**_ _@iwearglasses_  
aw, i ship it! 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
Hmmm.... 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
Georgie? You okay

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
You have ten

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
ten what?

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
Nine...

* * *

 **Soft Taco**  
 _@burrito_  
 _@thecatguy_  
You and this guy would get along I think  
 _ **Quote Retweet: Melanie√**_  
 _ **@ghosthuntuk**_  
 _ **@archivist**_  
 _ **[Photo ID: A picture of a tall dark skinned man with long black hair, wearing a What The Ghost t-shirt, and covered up in a flannel blanket, laying on the couch, asleep with a cat in his arms, you can see where his glasses have been set off to the side while he sleeps]**_

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
 _ **Replying to** @burrito_  
i dont know.. he seems a bit stuck up

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
 _ **Replying to**_ _@burrito and @thecatguy_  
OMG!! _@archivist @thecatguy_ I can totally introduce you!! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Please let me know if you have ideas for this!


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short break from the main storyline(sort of) to see what the others may tweet about, though Jon is still there because I love my adhd son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired. 
> 
> Also Melanie didn't have a checkmark?? I gave her one, her twitter is also the Twitter for her youtube thing, so it makes sense.

**Michael**

_@thedistortion_

I went to sharpen my fingers and my friend saw me and slowly backed away

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @thedistortion_

You mean your nails? Like with a nail file? 

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

Absolutely, I do not

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

Then how? 

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

With a whetstone?! How else would I do it?!?

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

I'm confused, but also scared. Good day, sir

**More Replies**

* * *

**Annabelle 🕷️**

_@webby_

there are approximately 38,000 known species of spiders. scientists believe there are probably as many more to be discovered

**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

_**Replying to** @webby_

Fantastic! I love those little guys

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

and they love you too dear

* * *

**Hell-en**

_@thespiral_

Are you applicable for home insurance? 

Use this link to find out: https://www.neverendinghallway.org 

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to** @thespiral_

Helen

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Yes? 

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

No

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Why not? 

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

We do not stoop to that level and you know it

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Fine. Here's the actual link: https://www.oliverbanksisnofun.net

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

HELEN! 

**More Replies**

* * *

**Peter Lukas**

_@lonelyncontent_

People who don't like sea shanties should be disappointed with themselves. 

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @lonelyncontent_

_@themagnusinstitute_ Elias, how can your husband have better taste than you? You should be ashamed

 **Elias** _@themagnusinstitute_

_**Replying to** @archivist and @lonelyncontent_

He's a sailor, of course he likes sea shanties, but I have no reason to, so why should I? 

**Peter Lukas** _@lonelyncontent_

_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute and @archivist_

Because they're amazing, and I'm the _Captain_ show some respect

* * *

**Alexa play Dead!**

_@oLIVEr_

I'm gay

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

_**Replying to** @oLIVEr _

we know

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Shush, and let me yearn in peace

**send me cat photos** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @oLIVEr_

mood

* * *

**Tim**

_@alwaysstoked_

I think my boss is actually insane

**Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

_**Replying to** @alwaysstoked_

Which one? 

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Both??

 **Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

That's fair

* * *

**Sasha**

_@therealone_

A very pretty table was just delivered to the archives

**[Photo ID: It is a large, dark wood table that has engraved upon it a hypnotic pattern that appears to lead towards the centre, where there is a recess for a matching box to be placed.]**

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @therealone _

Great! Fantastic! I hate it! 

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to** @therealone _

Interesting... 

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

_**Replying to** @therealone_

what a lovely table, is there anyway i could purchase it from the institute? 

**Sasha** _@therealone_

You'd have to ask Elias, he's the head of the institute. 

**Annabelle🕷️** _@webby_

thank you

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

No problem 

* * *

**Martin Blackwood**

_@poetea_

Working at the Magnus Archives is like: look something up, make tea, ignore Elias, look something up, organize, make tea, ignore Tim, look something up... 

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @poetea_

Thanks Martin, I appreciate it

**Sasha** _@therealone_

_**Replying to** @poetea_

Add ignore Jon in there and you have complete list

 **Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @poetea and @therealone_

Thanks, Sasha

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

No problem! :)

* * *

**Georgie√**

_@whattheghost_

To everyone asking, plans are being made to introduce _@archivist_ and _@thecatguy_ don't worry

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @whattheghost_

Ma'am, you're amazing! Will we receive updates? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Maybe ;)

**More Replies**

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @whattheghost_

No

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Yes

 **Jon** _@archivist_

No

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Yes

**More Replies**

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @whattheghost_

isnt he that stuck up guy? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Yes, but you'll like him

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

hmmm...

* * *

**Melanie√**

_@ghosthuntuk_

New video!! https://youtu.be/ghheU4WYgkO

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @ghosthuntuk_

Seems fake, but the editing is amazing

 **Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

Im ignoring the first part, so thank you, I edited it myself

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @ghosthuntuk_

Melanie, this is fantastic!! You guys always deliver! 

**Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

Thanks!! 

* * *

**Basira🚔**

**Jon** : hey

**Basira** : Yes? 

**Jon** : can i have Daisys number?

**Basira** : Why? 

**Jon** : because i need it

**Basira** : For? 

**Jon** : i cant tell you

**Basira** : Jon, either tell me, or you're not getting it

**Jon** : i cant

**Basira** : Then no phone number

**Jon** : fine, whats her twitter handle? 

**Basira** : Really? 

**Jon** : yes

**Basira** : Fine 

**Jon** : so youll send it? 

**Basira** : Yeah, hold on

**Jon** : thank you

* * *

_@Daisy_

**Archivist** : Hello, this is Jonathan Sims, we've met before

**Daisy** : yeah, and? 

**Archivist** : I would like to add you to a group chat, if you don't mind

**Daisy** : what kind of group chat? 

**Archivist** : I can't tell you, until you're a part of it

**Daisy** : fine

**Archivist** : I need you number

**Daisy** : hold on 

**Archivist** : Thank you! 

* * *

**Nikola**

_@plasticclown_

There's so many people scared of clowns and I'm like why? They haven't even met me yet? 

**glasses are for nerds** _@iwearglasses_

_**Replying to** @plasticclown_

Is this a 'give clowns a chance' thing or 'they haven't met me so they shouldn't be scared, yet' thing? 

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

Your choice, sweetheart 🤡♥️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> And as always, I love getting ideas for this, because you guys are great, and have the best ideas
> 
> To clarify:  
> 1\. Sasha is Sasha, my fic, everyone lives  
> 2\. This is set in a weird time frame, don't try to figure it out because even I don't know  
> 3\. Sasha and Jon are close because I love that, but not as close as Georgie and Jon, if that makes sense  
> 4\. Dms will be the person's @. Group chats just have a title, ex. Work Chat. Text messages will just be the person's name.  
> 5\. Annabelle only tweets about spiders and I love her for that


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was Lesbian Visibility Day when I wrote this, okay?

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

i havent watched cats please stop asking

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Would you like to? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

no

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

_**Archivist added Daisy** _

**Daisy** : So what is this? 

**Webby** : is the hunt avatar you were talking about jon? 

**Archivist** : yes, Daisy, i sent you an email to catch you up

**Daisy** : Alright..

**Daisy** : Oh, okay, yeah, makes sense

**Oliver** : Good. I'm Oliver, nice to meet you! 

**Daisy** : Hello, how many people are in this chat? 

**Archivist** : a lot. 

**Michael** : Hi

**Helen** : Hey

**Nikola** : Hello

**Peter** : Hi

**Mike** : 'Sup

**Jude** : Hey

**Julia** : hi

**Trevor** : hello 

**Jared** : hey 

**Simon** : Hello

**Jane** : hi

**Webby** : where is everyone else? 

**Archivist** : no clue

**Daisy** : okay, I'm looking over the list you gave me, aren't some of the people dead? You have Jane's ashses?? 

**Archivist** : look, i dont know how it works, but yes, some of them have died, its no big deal

**Daisy** : No big deal?!? 

**Jane** : I don't like her, Archivist, why did you invite her? 

**Archivist** : because i wanted to

**Daisy** : I don't know what to make of this... does Basira know? 

**Archivist** : no, and you cant tell her

**Daisy** : why not? 

**Oliver** : it's in the rules 

**Daisy** : alright then

* * *

**Martin**

_@poetea_

Pretty sure the guy I have a massive crush on is straight

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @poetea_

oh? mood

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

my friend dared me to do karaoke.. not knowing i used to be in a band i wish i took a picture

**Tonner** _@Daisy_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Yeah, well you never mentioned it, it's not even like you're _that_ good

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

excuse you, maam, i have the voice of an angel

 **Tonner** _@Daisy_

More like the voice of a demon

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i take that as a compliment 

**Tonner** _@Daisy_

Of course you do

* * *

**Sasha**

_@therealone_

**[Photo ID: A picture of Jon, who has dark skin, that is covered in several pockmark scars scattered around his face and down his neck, he has long black hair, that's greying a bit, it's pulled up into a bun, you can see his shirt, a plain button up, and black windbreaker, and his glasses are shoved up his nose as though he just adjusted them, and he's standing in front of the window to a small cafe, he is looking away from the camera and toward something ahead of him. he's almost smiling]**

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @therealone_

Where are y'all? 

**Sasha** _@therealone_

Downtown. We're going to get lunch

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Why's Jon smiling? 

**Sasha** _@therealone_

Because he's happy?

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Weird

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @therealone _

Message me your location, Jon and I have plans, with a _certain someone_ ;)

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

Will do!

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

'dont feed stray cats theyll keep coming back for more' i know, thats why im doing it

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Your building doesn't allow cats

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

you only go into realtor mode when its to make me sad

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

I'm glad you caught on :)

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

😿

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Martin** : this guy gets me

**[Screenshot:**

**Martin**

**@poetea**

**Pretty sure the guy I have a massive crush on is straight**

**send me cat photos√ @thecatguy**

**Replying to @poetea**

**oh? mood]**

**Sasha** : isn't Jon dating them now? 

**Tim** : he's what? 

**Martin** : What?!?

**Jon** : I'm not. Georgies introduced us to each other. I know their name, that's it! 

**Sasha** : but you know what they look like? 

**Jon** : Yes

**Sasha** : can you tell us? 

**Jon** : No

**Tim** : So you aren't dating them? 

**Jon** : No! 

**Tim** : Good because your cop friend would be upset ~

**Jon** : Tim, I will remove you from this chat and this planet if you don't stop

**Martin** : Who's your cop friend? And sorry for bringing up the other guy

**Jon** : She's a person I was friends with in college and we met up again recently after Jane Prentiss

**Jon** : That's it

**Jon** : and don't apologise, you're not the one I'm mad at

**Tim:** I was just stating facts. Cops only give out information to certain people for certain reasons

_**Jon kicked Tim from Work Chat (Minus Elias)** _

* * *

**Basira**

_@ashes_

It's lesbian visibility day! Hello to my fellow sisters! I hope you spend today with someone you love, I know I will!

**Tonner** _@Daisy_

_**Replying to** @ashes_

♥️

 **Basira** _@ashes_

💙

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @ashes_

_@ghosthuntuk_ love you

 **Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

Love you too

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @ashes_

look at all these happy people, its enough to make a grown man cry 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

I've seen you cry because your pen broke

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

it was my favorite pen

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @ashes _

Oh

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Yeah, oh 

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

_**Jon added Tim** _

**Jon** : Have you learned your lesson? 

**Tim** : Yeah

**Sasha** : What does that mean? 

**Jon** : Don't worry about it. So, what time are you all planning on getting to work tomorrow? 

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

okay, hes not _that_ stuck up 

**[Photo ID: Jon, sitting on what looks like a kitchen counter, holding a large cat, talking to Georgie, both are wearing large smiles]**

**Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Agree to disagree? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

sure

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

You've got to introduce me to your nice looking friend

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

nope, not happening

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Why? You aren't dating him, right? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

no, im not

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Then why can't I meet him? 

**Annabelle🕷️** _@webby_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy and @oLIVEr_

sounds like theyre jealous to me 

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy @oLIVEr and @webby_

Obviously, they don't want you to steal their man

 **Michael** _@thedistortion_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy @oLIVEr @webby and @thespiral _

Better back off Oliver _@thecatguy_ can be a bit possessive 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @oLIVEr @webby @thespiral and @thedistortion_

thats just not true

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

So the rest of it is true?! 

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : i hate you all

**Webby** : we love you too! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Daisy knows about Jon's second account now 
> 
> Basira is voices by Frank Voss who was also Ashes (I believe) in the Mechanisms, that explains some stuff
> 
> As always, ideas are appreciated and welcomed


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some memes, some development, some other stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, and hola, it was brought to my attention that Jessica Law voices Nikola, so, because I love her, she will be counted in with the Mechanisms in this story and no, I also don't know how this works :)   
> (Thank you AutumnAgain for telling me!)
> 
> Also Spider Tw, just in case, there's no pictures, but Annabelle talks about them

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

me to my boss: are you homophobic

my boss: im gay

me: okay, but are you? 

he never did give me a straight answer

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

I- 

**Annabelle🕷️** _@webby_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

we arent friends anymore, not after this

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

but Annabelle, who else am i going to block out when they start talking about spiders? 

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

youve been ignoring me? i thought you liked my spider facts

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i have arachnophobia, you know this

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

oh yeah, well, im sorry

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

me too, friends? 

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

no i havent forgotten about the joke that started this

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

😿 

i understand

**More Replies**

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Fantastic joke, 10/10 would laugh again

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

youre the only one who gets me Michael

 **Tonner** _@Daisy_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy and @thedistortion_

That's probably not a good thing

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i never said it was

* * *

**Annabelle 🕷️**

_@webby_

it is estimated that a human is never more than 10 feet away from a spider 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @webby_

fantastic, im going to go die now

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

not if the spiders get there first :))

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

_**Replying to** @webby and @thecatguy_

rip cat guy, beloved twitter user and friend

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @thespiral_

quit telling people im dead

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Sometimes I can still hear their voice

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

you ever get a crush on someone youve never met? and i dont mean celebrities, just someone that youve heard about? 

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@Rachelisrad_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

No, that'd be crazy

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

for some reason, i dont think youre being sincere

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Have you? You have to tell me all about it! 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

im not telling you about anything, youll tell everyone else

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

That's rude! True, but still rude! 

**Tonner** _@Daisy_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

But what would _@archivist_ think if he saw this? You better delete this, and soon

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i dont care if he sees it

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy and @Daisy_

You should, you wouldn't want him to think you're cheating on him 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

youre on thin ice

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

No I'm not, you are

_@archivist @archivist @archivist @archivist_

_@archivist @archivist @archivist @archivist_

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

_#betrayed_

**[Quote Retweet: send me cat photos√**

**@thecatguy**

**you ever get a crush on someone youve never met? and i dont mean celebrities, just someone that youve heard about?]**

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @archivist_

Is this a joke? What does this mean, Jon? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

Why would you think this is a joke? How insensitive can you be? 

**Melanie** _@ghosthuntuk_

 _ **Replying to**_ _@archivist_

Good, they deserve better

 **Jon** _@archivist_

I thought we were friends

 **Melanie** _@ghosthuntuk_

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Sasha** : Jon

Jon

JON! 

**Jon** : What? 

**Sasha** : Are you joking or are you seriously dating the cat guy? 

**Jon** : I don't have to answer that

**Martin** : Oh, c'mon Jon, just give us a straight answer so we can stop talking about it

**Jon** : Fine

Maybe, that's as good as you'll get

**Tim:** We want a straight answer, Jon, maybe is not a straight answer

**Jon** : Well, too bad, that's all I'm saying

* * *

**🐱Georgie🐱**

**Jon** : i hope youre happy

**Georgie** : I am :)

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars?**

**Oliver** : Are you really commiting to the dating yourself thing? 

**Archivist** : apparently

**Michael** : This is like that 'would you have sex with your clone' question

**Archivist** : how? how is it like that? 

**Michael** : It is, but the question would be 'would you date you clone'

**Archivist** : if i had a clone, this would be a lot simpler

**Michael** : So, yes? 

**Archivist** : no

**Webby** : i would

**Oliver** : That doesn't surprise me 

**Webby** : it shouldnt

* * *

**Georgie√**

_@whattheghost_

What's the point of having friends over if they don't cook for you?

**[Photo ID: Jon and Melanie, a well built tan woman with short hair, standing in front a stove, covered in several different pans filled with food, they are both wearing What The Ghost t-shirts and pajamas, neither are looking at the camera, more focused on the food in front of them]**

**Sasha** _@therealone_

_**Replying to** @whattheghost_

Because they're your friends? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

True, but I can't cook and they can

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

That's fair

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @whattheghost_

Jon can cook? I don't believe it, I've watched him try to make tea before and it didn't go well

 **Georgie √** _@whattheghost_

Yes, yes he can, he's very good at it 

**Basira** _@ashes_

_**Replying to** @whattheghost_

I bet _@thecatguy_ wishes Jon would cook for them too 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

They're over too, just not photographed! 

**More Replies**

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

thinking about her* 

* _@plasticclown_ 's voice

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Thank you, here's a link to my Bandcamp: https://www.bandcamp.com/ihavethevoiceofanangelfumichael

**Basira** _@ashes_

 _ **Replying to**_ _@thecatguy_

Same hat! 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

same hat!! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Ideas always appreciated


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunpowder Tim makes an appearance.   
> This one kinda bounces around a lot but it makes enough sense I think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Tim has voiced someone in tma but it was for one statement and I think it's funnier to have two Tim's

**GP Tim**

_@teatime_

_@thecatguy_ Answer you phone, I had to get on Twitter for the first time in years, just to get ahold of you! 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @teatime_

let me be embarrassed in peace, Tim

 **GP Tim** _@teatime_

Absolutely not! If you don't answer your phone, I'm coming over! 

**More Replies**

**Basira** _@ashes_

_**Replying to** @teatime_

What has he done now? 

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

He accidentally sent me work files and when I tried to ask him what they were for he wouldn't reply

 **Basira** _@ashes_

Oh. Is that all? 

**GP** **Tim** _@teatime_

They are some _very_ weird files. That and I scrolled through his feed and I have a few questions for him

 **Basira** _@ashes_

Yeah, I bet you do

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

i just received a very long lecture on why i should organize my contact list better, and now the friend who gave me said lecture is yelling at me for the mess my flat is in

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Your friend sounds like my mom

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i told him that and he said 'good, someone ought to take care of you' and ive never felt so loved in my life

**More Replies**

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**Jon** : someone come get Tim before he makes me go buy food

**Basira** : How empty is his fridge, Tim? 

**Tim** : There was an old gallon of milk, and that's it

**Nikola** : Sorry Jon, I'm siding with Tim

**Jon** : traitors, all of you, traitors

**Basira** : It's because we love you

**Jon** : is it? or is it to torture me? 

**Nikola** : Maybe a little bit of both ♥️

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

He's making me go shopping, someone save me

**[Photo ID: A picture of a man about average height, white with long brown hair, flipping the camera off, as he walks backwards, ahead of Jon, smirking]**

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @archivist_

Who is that? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

It's Tim?? 

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

I'm Tim

 **Jon** _@archivist_

And so is he

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @archivist_

Are you still out? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

Yeah, I'll send you our location, Tim said you can bring Melanie along since he hasn't met her yet

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Cool! Double date? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

Sure, if you wanna call it that, but Tim might kill me if he hears that

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

I'll protect you

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Thanks

* * *

**Sasha 💚**

**Sasha** : Is Tim, the one I haven't met, thecatguy or are things between you completely platonic? Because I never took you for the cheating type

**Jon** : and here i was, thinking you were my only valid friend 

**Sasha** : That's not an answer

**Jon** : we're just friends

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

everyones so interested in my relationship and im just trying to get through my day without killing my boss, like whats up? 

**Peter Lukas** _@lonelyncontent_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

I mean, you could just kill him, I'll help

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

divorced Peters back!!! 

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : Peter, i love you

**Peter** : Why? 

**Archivist** : since you called off the marriage this time around, Elias is moping around instead of bothering me, you are my savior

**Peter** : He deserves to be upset

**Webby** : whatd he do? 

**Peter** : He told me to stop singing sea shanties

**Oliver** : that's all? 

**Jon** : no, no, Peters right, Elias deserves this

**Nikola** : I'm inclined to agree with Peter and Jon on this one

**Peter** : Thank you! Also, I'm sailing off soon, so I probably won't be online. 

**Webby** : just as quickly as divorced!peter came back, he left

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

All questions regarding _@themagnusinstitute_ should be directed at me or Sasha James ( _@therealone_ ) for the time being

**See Replies**

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

question time! i will answer five questions and thats it! 

**Soft Taco** _@burrtio_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

How many cat photos do you get sent daily? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

hundreds and i love them all

**MuRdEr** _@evelynhardcastle_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Who are _@webby_ , _@oLIVEr_ , _@thespiral_ , and _@thedistortion_ ? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

my friends? im not sure how you wanted me to answer this? 

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

You were in a band?! 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

yep! 

**Glasses are for nerds** _@iwearglasses_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Favorite breed of cat? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

yes

**Steven** _@notstephen_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Name and pronouns? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

thats two questions, technically, but ill answer them. name: thecatguy pronouns:whatever, i dont care 😽

 **Steven** _@notstephen_

I tried guys, I tried

* * *

**Sasha**

_@therealone_

Tomorrow night is the monthly trivia night at The Magnus Institute, entry is £5 per person, you must have two people to a team. Message me or _@archivist_ for any follow up questions. 

**See Replies**

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby** : about trivia night? 

**Oliver** : So, trivia night? 

**Michael** : Jon, can you be my partner? 

**Webby** : i was going to ask that! 

**Oliver** : I was too

**Jon** : it doesnt matter, im choosing the questions so i cant participate not that itd be fair anyways

**Webby** : :(

* * *

**Elias**

_@themagnusinstitute_

I am back and so _@archivist_ and _@therealone_ are no longer in charge of inquiries

**See Replies**

* * *

**Tim**

_@alwaysstoked_

I don't know who Elias put in charge of music but they've been playing nothing but Paramore for the last hour

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @alwaysstoked_

It's Jon

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

There is no way Jonathan 'classical music' Sims is the one behind this

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

It is, enjoy Paramore while you can because he has some strange taste in music

* * *

**Sasha**

_@therealone_

Jon is playing sea shanties and laughing as Elias's face gets redder and redder, it's probably a good thing no one's shown up yet

* * *

**Martin Blackwood**

_@poetea_

Elias gave me control of the music after getting mad at Jon, I just gave it back to Jon, I only listen to podcasts

**Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

_**Replying to** @poetea_

What's he playing? 

**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

I have no clue

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

_**Replying to** @ghosthuntuk and @poetea_

Hozier and he's singing along to it

 **Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

I would love to see that

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

Don't worry, I'm recording it

 **Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_

You're amazing Sasha

* * *

**Tim**

_@alwaysstoked_

Another Tim has entered the institute

**[Photo ID: a picture of the same guy from Jon's tweet, but he has his hair up. The phot was taken mid-movement so it looks like one of his feet are blurred as he steps inside]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tim's @ is teatime because of one of the songs in his thing from the Mechanisms. 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Not really sure how I feel about this chapter but here, have it


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trivia Night, Cat facts, and more forcing Jon to take care of himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Twitters:   
> Jon-   
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-   
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-   
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-   
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-   
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one) 
> 
> Elias-   
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-   
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral 
> 
> Nikola-   
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-   
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-   
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**Tim**

**@alwaysstoked**

Another Tim has entered the institute

**[Photo ID: a picture of the same guy from Jon's tweet, but he has his hair up. The photo was taken mid-movement so it looks like one of his feet are blurred as he steps inside]**

**Sasha** _@therealone_

_**Replying to** @alwaysstoked_

Ooh, now we'll get to see who the Alpha Tim is

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Is there really a competition here? I think the answers obvious

 **Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @therealone and @alwaysstoked_

I agree it's pretty clear who the Alpha Tim is, Sasha

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Thank you, Jon

**Jon** _@archivist_

Yeah, it's obviously _@teatime_

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

I thought I could trust you

 **Jon** _@archivist_

And that was a mistake

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

_@plasticclown_ has been spotted

**[Photo ID: A picture taken in what appears to be the Magnus Institute, there's a lot of people spread out through the room, sitting at tables, and at one of the center tables is a woman who is wearing bright colors and patterns that clash with each other, her brown hair is pulled up,her makeup closely resembles a clown if it were going to a formal dinner instead of a circus, tacky but not too bad, she is smiling at the camera, in an almost creepy way, and waving excitedly]**

**Soft Taco** _@burrtio_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy _

So she really is a clown? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

yes? 

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@Rachelisrad_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Does this mean you're at the Institute? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

maybe

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@Rachelisrad_

Are you doing trivia? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

no, id do poorly, i only know facts about cats

**More Replies**

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

I look good in that picture, you really know how to capture my spirit! 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

nah, pretty people always look good in photos

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

I know I'm flawless, but don't be so hard on yourself 

* * *

**Elias√**

_@themagnusinstitute_

A question for all who couldn't attend tonight: What was Twitter’s original name?

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute_

Twttr

**MuRdEr** _@evelynhardcastle_

_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute_

Twttr

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute_

twttr

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute_

Twttr

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @themagnusinstutute_

you couldnt pick a harder question? 

**See More Replies**

* * *

**Michael**

_@thedistortion_

All _@thecatguy_ know is pet cat, eat hot chip, and lie

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @thedistortion _

dont expose me like that

 **Michael** _@thedistortion_

You had it coming

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i mean, thats true, but still 

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

_@Daisy_ i thought you were bae, turns out youre just fam

**Tonner** _@Daisy_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

I'm sorry!! 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

you can keep your apology, it doesnt make up for the pain i feel in my heart

 **Tonner** _@Daisy_

I won't do it again, c'mon give me a second chance

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

do you promise? 

**Tonner** _@Daisy_

Promise

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

fine, you can be bae again, but im keeping a close eye on you

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

What did she do? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

she listened to the archers with out me

* * *

**Hell-en**

_@thespiral_

_@thecatguy_ says that they know cat facts, but has shared none of them with us, weird

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @thespiral_

is this a challenge? 

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Only if you want it to be

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

you challenged the wrong person, my friend, im about to prove you wrong

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Please do

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

_@thespiral_

Cat Facts: A Thread; 

1\. A group of cats is called a “clowder.”

2\. Cats make about 100 different sounds.

3\. There are more than 500 million domestic cats in the world, with approximately 40 recognized breeds

4\. A cat can travel at a top speed of approximately 31 mph (49 km) over a short distance

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

5\. While it is commonly thought that the ancient Egyptians were the first to domesticate cats, the oldest known pet cat was recently found in a 9,500-year-old grave on the Mediterranean island of Cyprus. This grave predates early Egyptian art depicting cats by 4,000 years or more

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

6\. The biggest wildcat today is the Siberian Tiger. It can be more than 3.6m (12ft) long (about the size of a small car) and weigh up to 317 kg (700lbs).

7\. A cat’s jaw can’t move sideways, so a cat can’t chew large chunks of food

**View Thread**

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby** : jon, did you actually know all of that or did you 'behold' it to prove helen wrong?

**Archivist** : i knew all of it

**Oliver** : That's not surprising

**Helen** : Oh, I knew he would be able to list them, I just wanted to see if he would

**Oliver** : Why? 

**Helen** : He's at work, right? 

**Oliver** : Yeah

**Helen** : I wanted to see if he'd tweet all of that while working! And he did!! 

**Archivist** : whos going to tell me to get off my phone? Elias? he cant even get me to add him to this chat

**Jane** : Archivist, I just read your thread, and now I know all about worms and cats, thank you

**Archivist** : youre welcome, Jane, but please, keep your worm facts to yourself

**Jane** : Don't worry, no one but I can know what I know about them

**Webby** : i post spider facts daily, jane do you not read them? 

**Jane** : spiders are gross

**Webby** : rude

* * *

**Tim**

_@alwaysstoked_

Trivia Night is finally over! I've been at work too long today, I'm going home and going to bed

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @alwaysstoked_

It's only midnight? 

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Some of us have a healthy sleep schedule, Jon

 **Jon** _@archivist_

My sleep schedule is fine

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

What time do you go to bed? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

Is that really important? 

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Yes. What time do you get up in the morning? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

I don't know, whenever

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

I rest my case

Also @ _whattheghost @ghosthuntuk @ashes @teatime @thecatguy_

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Why Tim? Why do you hate me? 

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

It's for the best, Jon, you need this. You should be glad I didn't tell Martin

 **Jon** _@archivist_

I suppose, but I'm still mad at you

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

That's fine

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**Tim** : Jon where are you?

**Jon** : i have the right to not answer that

**Nikola** : Jon

**Basira** : Jon, just tell them

**Jon** : fine

im in my office to do some last minute work before i leave

**Tim** : it's almost 1 am?!

**Jon** : yeah? 

**Nikola** : Jon, you need to sleep

**Jon** : sleep is for the weak

**Basira** : Do I need to come over there, or do you two got it? 

**Nikola** : We got it

**Tim** : Is it illegal to knock him out if it doesn't kill him? 

**Basira** : is this a hypothetical? 

**Tim** : if it makes you turn a blind eye to it, yes

**Basira** : Not as long as you don't almost kill him, or injure him to the point where he'd have to go the hospital

**Nikola** : Good

**Jon** : you guys know i can see this right? 

**Tim** : yep! :)

* * *

**🐱Georgie🐱**

**Georgie** : Jon, go to bed, I'll come over there if you don't

**Jon** : Hi Georgie, this is Tim, don't worry about Jon, Nikola and I have it under control 

**Georgie** : Alright, my flat's closer if you wanna drop him off here

**Jon** : We will! Thank you! 

**Georgie** : It's no problem 

* * *

**👻Melanie👑**

**Melanie** : Go to bed, man, I don't wanna fight with you about it, but I'll come knock you out myself if I have to

**Jon** : Hello, this is Tim, the one you met a few days ago, not the one that works with Jon, he's already been knocked out, a friend and I are taking him to Georgie's

**Melanie** : Good, I'm going to knock some sense into that man next time I see him

**Jon** : Please do

* * *

**Jon's Contacts:**

**🕸️Annabelle🕸️**

**🚔Basira🔥**

**🌼Daisy🌼**

**🤮Elias🤮**

**🐱Georgie🐱**

**🌀Helen🌀**

**☠️Jared📕**

**☕Martin☕**

**👻Melanie👑**

**🖕Michael🚪**

**☁️Mike☁️**

**🤡Nikola🤡**

**😐Oliver⚰️**

**⛵Peter⛵**

**💚Sasha💚**

**💥Tim 💥**

**🛶Tim 🛶**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thoughts on this chapter : not enough Martin 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Look me in the eyes and tell me that Jon wouldn't quote dead memes


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Furries, that's all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

i wish doctor who was real

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

You want robots/aliens to try and take over the world? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

no, cat people

 **Annabelle🕷️** _@webby_

furries

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

no

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Furries

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

nO

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Furries

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

please stop, im begging you

 **Tonner** _@Daisy_

Furries

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

im crying, please no more

 **Michael** _@thedistortion_

Just admit you're a furry and this will all be over 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

im not a furry

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

You brought this upon yourself... furry

**More Replies**

* * *

**Basira**

_@ashes_

_@archivist_

What's it like to date a furry? 

[Screenshot:

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

You want robots/aliens to try and take over the world? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

no, cat people

 **Annabelle🕷️** _@webby_

furries]

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @ashes_

Eh, not the weirdest person I've dated

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

 _ **Replying to**_ _@ashes and @archivist_

That leads to one question, who was? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

Wouldn't you like to know

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

i am going to become a cat for two reasons

1\. i can cuddle with people without it being intimate

2\. S L E E P 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

You're not helping the furry theory with this tweet

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i realized that too late

 **Georgie √** _@whattheghost_

Just delete it

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

nah, that makes me look like a coward

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

You're insane

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

you didnt already know that? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

No, I did, just reminding you

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

You have a boyfriend, right?? Just cuddle with him?

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

hes not always around and also i want to cuddle my _friends_

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

I'm always up for cuddles

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @thespiral _

noted

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby** : furry

**Helen** : F U R R Y

**Michael** : "iM nOt A fUrRy" I can feel the uwu coming off of you Jon

**Oliver** : "I'm nowt a fuwwy owo"

**Daisy** : only furries tweet about wanting to be animals Jon

**Archivist** : thats just not true Daisy

**Nikola** : "thats juwst nowt twue" 

**Archivist** : i hate all of you

**Jane** : "i hate aww wof wou" 

* * *

**Martin Blackwood**

_@poetea_

Can't believe I fell for a man who can't even make tea

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @poetea_

Definitely not one of your better decisions

**Sasha** _@therealone_

_**Replying to** @poetea_

You could always teach them

 **Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

I'm not sure I can

**Jon** _@archivist_

At least they can't be any worse than I am

* * *

**The Girls™**

**Melanie** : Jon, I want a divorce

**Jon** : a divorce? 

hahahahahaha

**Melanie** : It's not funny Jon, and you know it's been coming for a long time

**Jon** : well

divorce! hahahahaha

**Melanie** : Why do you always laugh when I'm upset? 

**Jon** : oh, everytime you say divorce you just look so... 

cute

**Basira** : If I get in trouble for laughing at work I'm blaming you two

**Melanie** : alright, that's cool

**Daisy** : Basira, why are you on your phone? 

**Georgie** : Why are you on yours? 

**Daisy** : You've got me there

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

how do you explain to a coworker that you dont hate them you just have permanent rbf? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Just tell them? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

like, out right, do you know how embarrassing that'd be? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

Nope! 

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

If you have rbf, shouldn't you be the-grumpy-catguy

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

that would only result in a lawsuit, they got that boy copyrighted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr : @needscaffeine
> 
> I'm trying to get pictures working I thought I had figured it out but Ao3 hates me or something


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I say I don't know how to describe this chapter, it's an understatement, I don't know what this is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter had people calling Jon a furry and yet I think this may be the strangest chapter, it's just all over the place, and to be fair to myself, I wrote most of it why stressed out about something else. Actually, this chapter is just me projecting onto Jon. Jon is me and I am him. (nevermind that makes me sound like a kinnie I do not kin Jon I am just a stan)
> 
> Note: Peter is a good boy is my fic because he hasn't even met Martin yet and because I say so 
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one) 
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Annabelle-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Hell-en @thespiral
> 
> Peter-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Any other ones are either 'Ocs' or I forgot to put them on the list

**send me cat photos√**  
_@thecatguy_  
Hozier was right

  
**Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
About? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
everything

* * *

**send me cat photos√**  
_@thecatguy_  
*On the phone with my boss*  
me: can i bring a cat to work with me? im watching him for a friend  
boss: no animals are allowed in the building  
me: i guess i have to quit then  
boss: why?   
me: because im a party animal  
boss: if you shut up you can bring the cat  
me: thank you

  
**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
I think the most important part of that exchange was the fact that you said it completely deadpan

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i assumed that everyone knew that

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
We do not

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
oh. well, sucks to be yall i guess

* * *

**Jon**   
_@archivist_  
"Jon you have to stop saying Gerard wrong"  
No, the only Gerard I know is dead, what's he gonna do, come back from the grave and correct me? Is that what's going to happen? Cut me some slack man

  
**Basira** _@ashes_  
_**Replying to** @archivist_  
Are you okay? 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
No, because I'm trying to do my job and Elias keeps telling me to fix things when all he's doing is sitting up in his office watching reality tv

 **Glasses are for nerds** _@iwearglasses_  
_**Replying to** @archivist and @ashes_  
Dude, won't he fire you for this? 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
I wish

* * *

**Tim**  
_@alwaysstoked_  
I'm tired of good looking people coming into the institute, like excuse you sir, I'd like to help you, but I can't talk due to the fact that I'm gay

  
**Jon** _@archivist_  
_**Replying to** @alwaysstoked_  
That must mean that you also have trouble working with all your good looking coworkers, do we need to have a meeting Tim? 

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
No. Are you talking about yourself? Because I can't tell when you're joking or not

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
Me? Complimenting myself? With my self-esteem? Absolutely not

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
Do you need to talk? 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
Probably but I'd rather keep it all bottled up until I die

* * *

**Annabelle 🕷️**  
_@webby_  
the silk in a spiders web is five times stronger than a strand of steel that is the same thickness

  
**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
_**Replying to** @webby_  
cool, cool, still dont like them

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
that is a you problem

  
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
_**Replying to** @webby_  
This just makes me love them more, they're strong babies

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : a me problem? you asked me to follow you! 

**Webby** : you didnt have to if you didnt want to

 **Archivist** : yes i did, youre my friend

 **Webby** : can you not be wholesome when im trying to be rude please

 **Archivist** : sorry, it wont happen again

 **Webby** : thanks

 **Oliver** : I personally love the spider facts

 **Archivist** : youre a traitor

* * *

**Nikola**   
_@plasticclown_  
I've been asked for my skin care routine, but I don't have any, I steal other's

  
**MuRdEr** _@evelynhardcastle_  
_**Replying to** @plasticclown_  
Their skin or their routine? 

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_  
Both

  
**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
_**Replying to** @plasticclown_  
i love you, but how have you not been reported yet

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_  
Luck? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
alright

* * *

**send me cat photos√**  
_@thecatguy_  
i accidentally broke my glasses and now i cannot see, im typing this with the phone two inches from my face

  
**Glasses are for nerds** _@iwearglasses_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
Mood

  
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
How blind are you? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
you know how i said im babysitting a cat? 

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
Yes

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
he is sitting a foot away from me and he is one big gray blur

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
You can't see the kitty? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i can not see the kitty

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_   
:(

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
:(

* * *

**🚔Basira🚔**

**Jon** : can you pick up my extra pair of glasses from the archives? 

**Basira** : Yeah, where are they? 

**Jon** : in my desk drawer, its not locked

 **Basira** : Okay, I'll bring them over soon

 **Jon** : thank you

 **Basira** : You're welcome

-

 **Basira** : I got them, though I had to fight with Elias to get to your office

 **Jon** : why?

 **Basira** : something about there being confidential stuff in there

 **Jon** : thats bs and he knows it

 **Basira** : Anyways, Martin says hi, Sasha says to answer your phone, and Tim says hi also, but less awkwardly then Martin did

 **Jon** : thank you for passing the message along. are you on your way though? because id like my eyesight back

 **Basira** : Yeah, I'm on my way, so bye until then

 **Jon** : bye

* * *

**send me cat photos√**  
_@thecatguy_  
_@ashes_ is my savior and i love her

  
**Tonner** _@Daisy_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
Same

 **Basira** _@ashes_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy and @Daisy_   
I love you too, both of you

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
😻

* * *

**send me cat photos√**  
_@thecatguy_  
since hes not online im taking my chance to say that _@lonelyncontent_ is the only boomer who truly gets me

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
if only he wasnt in love with _that guy_

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
it is truly his only fault, Peter if you see this, i would treat you better than he ever can

 **Peter Lukas** _@lonelyncontent_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
I'm twice your age

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
age is just a number

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : PETER!! 

**Oliver** : Peter? 

**Archivist** : Peter is back! 

**Oliver** : Oh

 **Peter** : Jon your insane

 **Archivist** : im just saying i wouldnt treat you like he does

 **Michael** : Jon, go back to your boyfriend and leave Peter alone

 **Archivist** : i _am_ my boyfriend

 **Oliver** : Hey, I offered

 **Archivist** : Oliver, i am trying to seduce Peter, you can have a turn later

 **Helen** : Is it considered seducing if the person doing it is ace? 

**Archivist** : i-   
i don't know

 **Helen** : But you're ace? 

**Archivist** : that doesnt mean i know stuff

 **Webby** : but you should

 **Archivist** : maybe, that doesnt change the fact that i dont know

 **Webby** : alright then

 **Archivist** : okay, back to Peter

 **Peter** : No Jon

 **Archivist** : but why

 **Peter** : Because no

 **Archivist** : fine

* * *

**Hell-en**  
_@thespiral_  
_@thecatguy_ tried and failed to get a sugar daddy

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
_**Replying to** @thespiral_  
1\. you dont have to tell everyone that  
2\. i would never use him like that

 **GP Tim** _@teatime_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy and @thespiral_  
Dude, what about your boyfriend

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
you can be quiet, my boyfriend would have been proud of me, but it doesnt matter because i failed 

* * *

**Basira**   
_@ashes_  
Is this true? ( _@archivist_ )  
**[Photo ID: a screenshot of Helen's tweet and Tim and Jon's responses]**

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
_**Replying to** @ashes_  
Yeah, Elias doesn't pay me enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, Jonny said Jon wouldn't say I love you that it felt wrong(before season 5 obviously (which I'm not caught up on so shush)), but Jon when he's some weird Twitter guy, he's going to say I love you to all his friends because he deserves to 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> (That Gerard tweet is seriously gonna come back to bite him sooner or later)


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon rates cats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to do a chapter with actual cat photos, this chapter is really short, because I'm typing it straight into Ao3 so it doesn't mess up like it did when I tried to do it earlier, but if it looks bad I'm taking it down, fyi 
> 
> Most of the people in this chapter are 'ocs' the only character Twitters are:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy  
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime

**Soft Taco**

_@burrito_

_@thecatguy_ What do you think of my new kitty? Her name's Marshmallow

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @burrito_

is baby 10/10

* * *

**MuRdEr**

_@evelynhardcastle_

_@thecatguy_

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @evelynhardcastle_

hugs are good, cats are even better 20/10

* * *

**Glasses are for nerds**

_@iwearglasses_

_@thecatguy_ have you seen this photo yet? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @iwearglasses_

yeah, i have tumblr, but still a perfect baby stuck in a bad position 11/10

* * *

**Cat Guy Is The Best**

_@rachelisrad_

_@thecatguy_ my cat said gay rights

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @rachelisrad_

a good boy with a good message 100/10

* * *

**Tonner**

_@Daisy_

_@thecatguy_ how do you feel about a Taylor Swift cat? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @Daisy_

if she really loves cats shell apologize for that monstrosity -10/10

* * *

**GP Tim**

_@teatime_

_@thecatguy_ I found a picture of you :))

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to** @teatime_

firstly, the artist who did this is amazing

secondly, TIM NO!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist for the fursuit is @rutiko_satsuki on Twitter, that's where all the links lead anyway
> 
> My Tumblr is @needscaffeine
> 
> And chapters like this probably won't be too common, but I feel like I needed to do this


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um, I don't know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since y'all are so thirsty for JonMartin there's a little bit in there, though Jonny's been feeding it too us by the spoonfuls this season, so I don't know why y'all are so hungry
> 
> That analogy is everywhere man look at that. 
> 
> I'm actually in like a weird mood, for several reasons, none of them important to this, but I have them, but this still turned out kinda funny, but I could definitely have done better 
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

i 

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

you,what?

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i dont remember what i was going to type

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

so why did you post this? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i dont know

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

what _do_ you know? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

nothing, my brain is empty, there are no more thoughts or memories, just a black space which i cant navigate to find the light switch

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

dude, get some sleep, then come talk to me

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

im at work

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

so? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

you know what? youre right

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

i usually am

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

okay, im back, all i wanted to say was that i love cats, especially the one im babysitting because he is a perfect angel

**MuRdEr** _@evelynhardcastle_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

He is a good boy? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

he is the best boy

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

My cat? My cat's a perfect angel? I don't believe it

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

i think weve already established that he likes me more

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_

I know, but I try to forget that

* * *

**🐱Georgie🐱**

**Georgie** : By the way, I'll be back later today, if you want to bring the Admiral back home

**Jon** : i have to give him back? 

**Georgie** : Yes, he's my cat

**Jon** : sure he is

**Georgie** : He is! I have the adoption papers

**Jon** : do you? 

**Georgie** : Jonathan Sims did you steal the adoption papers out of my desk?

**Jon** : perhaps

**Georgie** : Jon! 

**Jon** : my cat

**Georgie** : Bring my cat back to me, or I'm sending screenshots of *that* conversation to a certain someone

**Jon** : you wouldnt

**Georgie** : Yeah I would

**Jon** : fine. what time will you be back? 

**Georgie** : about 4

**Jon** : alright, well be over a little after that so you can settle back in

**Georgie** : You're just trying to get more time

**Jon** : absolutely I am

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

My best friend just blackmailed me. Guess this goes to show you don't really no some people. 

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

_**Replying to** @archivist_

I don't remember doing that

**Jon** _@archivist_

Who said you're my best friend

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

That hurts, Jon, it hurts

 **Jon** _@archivist_

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Basira** _@ashes_

_**Replying to** @archivist_

I did? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

This isn't about you

 **Basira** _@ashes_

I'm not your best friend? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

I mean, you're definitely one of my best friends, but you're not my "best friend"

 **Basira** _@ashes_

Wow, I need to go reevaluate my life

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Have fun 

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to** @archivist_

Are you sure? Blackmailing really isn't my thing. 

**Jon** _@archivist_

I'm not talking about you

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

Really? Are you sure? 

**Jon** _@archivist_

Yes

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

That's fine, I prefer Michael anyways

 **Jon** _@archivist_

How dare you

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

Sorry babe, that's just how it is

 **Jon** _@archivist_

:(

**See More Replies**

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**Jon** : did you all really think that youre my best friend

**Tim** : Yeah

**Nikola** : Obviously

**Basira** : of course

**Jon** : wow, well its actually Georgie

**Tim** : oh

**Basira** : well now that you say that it makes sense

**Nikola** : I feel dumb, that's so obvious

**Jon** : apparently not for yall

* * *

**Martin Blackwood**

_@poetea_

I had some coffee this morning, because _@alwaysstoked_ said I should try it. Worse mistake of my life, I'm going back to tea. 

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @poetea_

Coffee is horrible. Tim should be ashamed of himself

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to** @poetea and @archivist_

Coffee isn't that bad

 **Jon** _@archivist_

People who like coffee should have a place saved just for them in Hell

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Now you're just over exaggerating

**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

No, Jon's right. You've done some bad stuff Timothy Stoker but you're going to Hell for drinking coffee

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Jon, look at that, you ruined Martin

 **Jon** _@archivist_

I have not. He's just smarter than you, and understands that coffee is the Devil's drink

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

If I agree will y'all stop? 

**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

Probably not

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Absolutely not

* * *

**🛶Tim🛶**

**Tim** : Why aren't you this nice to Martin at work? 

**Jon** : What are you talking about? I'm not mean to Martin. Not anymore at least

**Tim** : Yes you are

**Jon** : I am not. I don't talk to him that much at work

**Tim** : I know, he thinks you're avoiding him because you hate him

**Jon** : I am, but it's not because I hate him

**Tim** : Then why? 

**Jon** : I don't want to answer that

**Tim** : Why? 

Wait

No

Jon

You're in a relationship! 

**Jon** : I know that

**Tim:** Oh my gosh

I can't even believe you right now

**Jon** : You're not going to tell Martin are you? 

**Tim** : No, of course not, But shouldn't you be more concerned about the person you're actually dating finding out about this? 

**Jon** : No

**Tim** : But won't they be mad

**Jon:** No, they already know, they don't care

**Tim** : What? Really?

You know what, nevermind, I don't care

**Jon** : That's the spirit

* * *

**Sasha**

_@therealone_

My 'Tim, Martin, and Jon are being idiots again' senses were tingling and then I checked Twitter and just sighed with relief because the last time that happened I had to take Jon to the er

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to** @therealone_

That wasn't even my fault! 

**Sasha** _@therealone_

It kinda was

**Jon** _@archivist_

Okay, yeah, but it was mostly not my fault

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Glad you agree

* * *

**send me cat photos√**

_@thecatguy_

i have to give my friend their cat back. i really should look for a place that allows me to keep animals

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_

_**Replying to** @thecatguy_

Haven't you had a cat with you all week? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

yes

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_

In your flat, that doesn't allow cats?

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_

yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I think is funny about me calling coffee the Devil's drink is that my Grandpa who was a preacher drank coffee
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> If you go to my Tumblr, send me cat memes, so I can use them, if you don't I'm going to steal some (and then give proper credit because I would feel so bad about just taking them), thanks


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never know what to put here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @heart_to_pen_to_paper asked why Sasha had to take Jon to the er so that's in here   
> (So uh, blood tw but it's not graphic, I really just say the word blood a bit but I would feel bad if I didn't give a proper warning)
> 
> This chapter is very short, but it might have more words than most of the others, I don't know
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
my boss only writes with fountain pens, and i 'accidentally' forget to give them back after i borrow them  
 **[Photo ID: A desk drawer full of fountain pens. There are at least fifty pens in the drawer]**

  
 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
He only writes in fountain pen? Why? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
because hes old and weird

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
How many pens are there? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
ive taken one from every weekly meeting for a year and a half 

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_  
That's 78 pens

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
is it? thats good to know

* * *

 **Jon**  
 _@archivist_  
My coworkers think I'm, like, fifty, and I don't know what to do about it.

  
 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
 _ **Replying to** @archivist_  
Aren't you? 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
I'm 30

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
You're 30?! Really?

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
Yes

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
You and Martin are the same age? 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
Yes. I'm getting very concerned about how hard this is for you to understand

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_   
I'm sorry, it's just, you look so much older 

**Jon** _@archivist_  
Thanks it's the gray hair and the insomnia

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**   
_@thecatguy_  
hes judging my large collection of sweater vests  
 **[Photo ID: a picture of a dark skinned man, standing in front of an open dresser drawer, looking down at it, he is frowning]**

  
 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_   
_**Replying to** @thecatguy_  
I just wanted to borrow a t-shirt, but you made me search through all of your stupid sweater vests instead of telling me where they were

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
you didnt ask

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
I asked if I could borrow a shirt

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
yes and i told you that they were in the dresser.you didn't ask which drawer they were in

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
Whatever, I still don't think it's right for someone to own so many sweater vests, it's unnatural

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
its perfectly normal, there is nothing wrong with sweater vests

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_   
You're right, if you own one or two, but you have more than twenty

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i didnt invite you over to make fun of me

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
Of course not, I'm doing that all on my own accord

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby** : oliver why are you at jons and why wasnt i invited? 

**Oliver** : We're just hanging out. Michael's here too. 

**Archivist** : you can come over too Annabelle, Helens coming over too but she offered to go pick up the food

 **Webby** : am i the only one who wasnt told about this? 

**Archivist** : no, i invited Oliver over, because i dont hang out with him a lot, and then Michael and Helen stopped by because they do that sometimes, and it just ended up being a big sleep over thing and im sorry for not telling you sooner

 **Webby** : youre forgiven, ill be over in ten

 **Archivist** : cool, Nikola you can come by too if you want

 **Nikola** : I'm good. Scaring some innocent people tonight, you know, like normal

 **Archivist** : alright, well, you have fun with that, dont kill them

 **Nikola** : I'll try not to

 **Archivist** : thanks

* * *

 **Sasha**   
_@therealone_  
Some people have asked what happened last time my 'Tim, Martin, and Jon are being idiots again' senses went off. So here's the story. 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
 _ **Replying to**_ _@therealone_  
I was in artifact storage, sorting through some things labeling and what not. When I get this feeling that something is wrong in the main part of the archives. So I set down the marker and tags I was holding and I step into the main room. 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
And there were the three idiots all standing around staring at Jon's hand. Which had a large piece of glass stuck into it. Tim looks confused and disgusted, Jon looks almost like he couldn't care less, and Martin at least had the sense to be worried. 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
But none of them were doing anything, and Jon's just dripping blood onto the carpet. So I rush over, because I'm freaked out, this piece of glass is pretty deep, and I guide Jon over to the sink in the break room, so that the blood wasn't just staining the floor, while I looked for something to wrap around his hand. 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
And while I'm looking, Martin is trying to explain what happened. And that's my favorite part of the story. So, Tim and Jon were having an argument about something, and Martin was trying to get them to stop, and Tim accidentally knocked a photo off the wall. 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
The glass shattered and the argument ended there, Martin and Jon went to pick the glass up while Tim was trying to figure out what to do with the picture of who ever it was, so Elias didn't find out. And none of them thought to go get a broom, or a vacuum, or something out of the 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
supply closet. They just picked the glass up with their hands, and it was only in large pieces, so it was quick and they threw the glass away no problem. Except, Jon accidentally set his hand down on one of the larger pieces of glass, not knowing it was there

 **Sasha** _@therealone_  
(It had gotten stuck in the carpet so it was vertical ). And that's why there was a piece of glass in his hand, bleeding every where. And I eventually found the first aid kit and tried to clean his hand a bit, but the glass was in so deep 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
I didn't want to try an pull it out and cause more problems. So I wrapped it in a couple of gauze pads and told him to hold it tight and then I made him come with me to the hospital. 

**Sasha** _@therealone_  
And Jon, the whole time was trying to convince me that he was okay, that it wasn't a big deal. Folks, he bled through all of the gauze and had to have stitches, it was a big deal

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
 _ **Replying to** @therealone_  
See? I told you it wasn't my fault. 

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Jon** : Sasha, I have friends over, and they are all making fun of me now

 **Sasha** : Sorry, I had to tell everyone the story

 **Martin** : Did you? Because I just got a message from Elias asking which picture it was

 **Tim** : I did too. 

**Jon** : I also got the message. I just don't cares about what Elias wants

 **Martin** : He's your boss, Jon, you have to tell him

 **Jon** : That's the thing, I don't

 **Tim** : Why do you hate Elias so much? 

**Jon** : I don't know how to answer that in less than 1000 words

 **Sasha** : Can you try? 

**Jon** : No, because I'm eating pizza and watching Atlantis, and I have friends over

 **Tim** : Who? Is it Georgie and Melanie? Those two cop ladies? 

**Jon** : No, it's some people y'all haven't met, well other than Michael

 **Martin** : Michael, like the dude who has a never ending hallway? That Michael? 

**Jon** : Yeah, it's cool when you start talking to it

 **Tim** : You're friends, with a monster thing? 

**Jon** : You say monster, I say Michael, potato potato

 **Sasha** : That saying works better out loud

 **Jon** : Yeah, I realized that  
Anyways, I have to get back to the movie. Bye! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quite a bit of texting in this one . Also it's the morning after the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
my friend just braided my hair and i have never had my hair braided before, and it feels really nice, and i just wanted you guys to know that, im going to bed now, goodnight, i love you all

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
Are you okay?

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i dont remember tweeting this, so probably not, my hair does look good though

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
That's nice. Who did it? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
 _@webby_ did

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
Cool. Tell her I said hi!

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
okay

* * *

**🤮Elias🤮**

**Jon** : I'm going to be late to work

 **Elias** : Why? 

**Jon** : My friend fell asleep on my shoulder last night and now if I move they'll wake up

 **Elias** : If it's a cat, get up

 **Jon** : No, like it's an actual person, I'll only be a little late

 **Elias** : And what am I supposed to tell your staff? 

**Jon** : That I'm going to be late?

 **Elias** : What reason do you want me to give them? 

**Jon** : You know what? Don't worry about it, I'll text them.

 **Elias** : Good. And be to work by noon, we have a meeting today

 **Jon** : Will do

* * *

**💚Sasha💚**

**Sasha** : Jon  
Jon answer your phone!  
You're gonna have to tell us about you and Michael at some point

 **Jon** : im gonna be late for work

 **Sasha** : Why?   
Jon! 

* * *

**🛶Tim🛶**

**Tim** : Are we going to talk about the monster thing?   
Jon  
Jon I know you have your phone

 **Jon** : I'll be late to work today

 **Tim** : Why?   
Answer me  
Jon  
Are you being serious right now? 

* * *

  
**☕Martin☕**

**Jon** : I'll be late today. 

**Martin** : Why? 

**Jon** : My friend fell asleep on my and honestly I'd just feel really bad if I woke them up, they get less sleep then I do

 **Martin** : Makes sense. Well except for the part about them sleeping less than you do, I didn't know that was possible

 **Jon** : The world's full of surprises

 **Martin** : I suppose it is

 **Jon** : Well, bye, I'll see you later

 **Martin** : bye

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
im so awkward its almost sad

  
 **Tonner** _@Daisy_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
Yeah, you really are

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
thanks, i appreciate the words of encouragement

 **Tonner** _@Daisy_  
No problem

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**   
_@thecatguy_  
Aristocats is the best Disney movie and i will fight anyone who says otherwise. there are no more different opinions, this movie is the best

  
 **GP Tim** _@teatime_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
I don't know man, I personally like Lady and the Tramp

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
is it because youre featured in the title? 

**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
Well at least my movie doesn't have a song about wanting to be a cat

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
so? that song is amazing. at least my movie has a memorable soundtrack

 **GP Tim** _@teatime_  
What do you know about music

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
are you being serious right now? 

**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
No, I just ran out of decent comebacks, it's too early

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
okay, i was concerned for a moment

* * *

**🛶Tim🛶**

**Tim** : I saw you come in Jon  
And I know you heard me say your name

 **Jon** : New phone who dis?

-

**☕Martin☕**

**Martin** : Tea? 

**Jon** : Yes! Hold on I'll unlock the door

-

**🛶Tim🛶**

**Tim:** Did you just let Martin in?   
Because you wanted tea?!

 **Jon** : Yes

 **Tim** : I need to speak with you

 **Jon** : is it about a statement? 

**Tim** : No

 **Jon** : Is it about something you're supposed to be working on? 

**Tim** : No

 **Jon** : Then I'm not letting you in.   
That and I have a statement I need to record, and then a meeting

* * *

  
 **send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
i got a new pen!   
**[Photo ID: a picture of a fountain pen, that is sitting on a wooden desk]**

  
 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
 _ **Replying to**_ _@thecatguy_  
And how many pens does that mean you have? 

**send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
79

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
 _@webby_ you gotta teach me to braid hair, im wearing my hair like this from now on

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
alright, tell me when and where

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
youre the best

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
i know

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Julia** : _@archivist_

 **Archivist** : 'sup

 **Webby** : youre supposed to be asleep julia 

**Julia** : I will, but first I need to tell Jon something

 **Webby** : alright, hurry up

 **Julia:** you know how Trevor and I are in the states? 

**Archivist** : yes

 **Julia** : Well we found someone, and we wanted to invite him to the chat

 **Archivist** : go ahead, as long as hes an avatar its cool

 **Julia** : Awesome 

**Julia added Gerry to the chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't super funny, but I worked really hard on it so I hope you guy like it. It took me a while to come up with all of the ideas in this one, and a lot of brain power that I don't have was used, and I think I seriously Galaxy Brained on this one, like I could feel my brain get larger as I wrote it
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Julia added Gerry to the chat**

**Gerry** : Hello? 

**Archivist has left the chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Gerry, and other stuff also

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that nothing could be as good as that last chapter, it was truly the biggest literary achievement of 2020, but I do hope you'll accept this humble offering
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_   
forget everything i ever said, my friends arent valid at all, they only live to torment me

  
 **Annabelle** 🕷️ _@webby_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
youre being over dramatic

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
am i though?

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
yes

* * *

**🐱Georgie🐱**

**Jon** : ignore that tweet, its not about you

 **Georgie** : What tweet?  
Oh, nevermind, who's it about? 

**Jon** : i will answer that in a moment

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby added Archivist to the chat**

**Archivist** : no

**Archivist has left the chat**

**Webby added Archivist to the chat**

**Webby** : stop leaving

 **Archivist** : i hate all of you

 **Nikola** : I didn't do anything

 **Gerry** : i just got here 

**Helen** : I wouldn't worry too much Gerard, he doesn't hate _you_

 **Archivist** : Helen, i will find your door and paint it black

 **Michael** : That would just be punishing me too and that's not fair

 **Gerry** : hi Michael

 **Michael** : Hi!!

 **Gerry** : so there's two distortions now? 

**Webby** : pretty much

 **Gerry** : alright, well I know, or have heard, of most of you, except for _@archivist_

**Archivist** : im Jon

 **Gerry** : cool, that tells me nothing

 **Nikola** : sorry, he's just waiting on one of us to screenshot a tweet and send it and until then he's going to be in a state of panic

 **Gerry** : what tweet?

 **Webby: [Screenshot: Jon**  
 **@archivist**  
 **"Jon you have to stop saying Gerard wrong"**  
 **No, the only Gerard I know is dead, what's he gonna do, come back from the grave and correct me? Is that what's going to happen? Cut me some slack man]**  
this one

 **Gerry** : that didn't age well, huh? 

**Archivist** : no it did not

* * *

 **Jon**  
 _@archivist_  
Does anybody know how to sneak past their coworkers to avoid a conversation you don't want to have? Because I want to go home but I know they're waiting on me to come out of my office

  
 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
 _ **Replying to** @archivist_  
I have notifications on, you know that right?

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
No. Why would I think that you care about my Twitter where all I tweet about is how much I hate our boss?

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
Because we're friends?

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
Oh. Right. Well, this worked anyways because I just walked past you and you were looking at your phone

* * *

**🛶Tim🛶**

**Tim** : Jonathan Sims answer your phone!  
Jon, I know where you live  
You can't avoid this forever

 **Jon** : I can try

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
i have decided that i am going to move so i can get a cat

  
 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
If you move to a place that allows animals you will probably have to pay double the rent than you already do

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i dont care, i want the cat

 **Hell-en** _@thespiral_  
In that case, I know of a few places

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
having a realtor friend has finally paid off

* * *

**🌼Daisy🌼**

**Jon** : can i come over?

 **Daisy** : Is it because you enjoy my company or are you just trying to avoid Tim?

 **Jon** : both

 **Daisy** : Why don't you just talk to him? 

**Jon** : because i cant

 **Daisy** : Then why don't you go stay with Georgie? 

**Jon** : he'll look there, he doesnt know your address

 **Daisy** : Well, what about Martin

 **Jon** : no, im also avoiding him but for a different reason

 **Daisy** : You have issues

 **Jon** : i know  
so can i?

 **Daisy** : yeah

 **Jon** : cool im outside

* * *

  
 **send me cat photos√**   
_@thecatguy_  
if i tell yall that, yes, my boyfriend is moving with me, will you stop messaging me about it? im trying to decide which shelter to adopt from

  
 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
 _ **Replying to** @thecatguy_  
I'm glad to hear that, I know how important he is to you, it's almost like you couldn't live without him

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
yeah, i just need him, you know? 

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
I do. I also know that he should destroy your sweater vests

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
youre a cruel person

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_   
No one needs more than maybe three sweater vests

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
thats where youre wrong

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Oliver** : _@Gerry_ can I ask you a question

 **Gerry** : sure

 **Archivist** : why are you like this?

 **Oliver** : What is the normal number of sweater vests that someone should be allowed to own? 

**Archivist** : do you hate me?

 **Gerry** : like four

 **Oliver** : What would you think of someone if they owned over twenty? 

**Gerry** : that they're either a professor, for like a real snotty school, or they're very gay

 **Archivist** : wow, i feel both insulted and weirdly validated

 **Oliver** : That's fair  
Well, Jon, you can keep them for now

 **Archivist** : i wasnt going to get rid of them anyways

 **Nikola** : fun fact, he didn't own any of those during college. He bought them afterwards

 **Archivist** : why? 

**Oliver** : Really? 

**Nikola** : Yeah, Jon was super emo

 **Webby** : was? he still is

 **Nikola** : True

 **Archivist** : why are you picking on me?

 **Nikola** : If I was picking on you I'd tell them about what happened at London Zoo

 **Gerry** : what happened at London Zoo?

 **Archivist** : nothing

 **Nikola** : I'm sorry guys, I swore never to talk about it

 **Gerry** : alright.   
anyways, can I ask you a question Nikola?

 **Nikola** : Yes

 **Gerry** : how did you know Jon in college if you're a 200 something year old clown? 

**Nikola** : We were in a band together

 **Gerry** : but you're a mannequin?

 **Nikola** : and you're dead

 **Gerry** : that's fair

* * *

 **Annabelle 🕷️**  
 _@webby_  
some spiders, such as house spiders, are able to run up walls because their feet are covered in tiny hairs that grip the surface

  
 **Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
 _ **Replying to** @webby_  
Amazing

  
 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
 _ **Replying to** @webby_  
now you have me thinking about spider feet and thats not what i want to be thinking about

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
at least i didnt tell you about garden spiders

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
why?

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
because they have claws

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
yeah, youre right, thats worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Just so y'all know I make my sister read some of the jokes to see if they're actually funny because I have a strange sense of humor and so if they aren't blame her not me


	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Shrug*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super happy with this and also it's been a few days huh? I'm back though! Hope you enjoy this :)
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
i have moved and have adopted these babies

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
 ** _Replying to @thecatguy_**  
What did y'all name them?

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
we havent yet, were trying to decide, and suggestions are appreciated

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
For the black kitten: Bean  
For the orange kitten: Cheddar

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i would be offended by these if they werent so on brand

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
Thank you

* * *

  
 **Jon**  
 _@archivist_  
Guess who just ruined the ending of house for themself because they decided that they wanted to know if House and Cameron ended up together before wasting their time watching eight seasons

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
 ** _Replying to @archivist_**  
That show came out in 2005, why are you just watching it now?

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
I was too busy for tv back then

 **Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
What were you doing in 2005

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
drugs

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Tim** : You did not do drugs

 **Sasha** : Who is this towards Tim?

 **Tim** : Jon

 **Martin** : You're arguing with Jon, about doing drugs

 **Tim** : Yes

 **Martin** : That's dumb

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**   
_@thecatguy_  
list of names that have been suggested so far: Oscar, Molly, Tiger, Milo, Cleo, Bean, Cheddar, Smokey, Felix, Jack, Ginger, Muffin, Shadow, Simba, Charlie, Oliver, and Dusty  
17 names, two cats, but please, keep suggesting names

  
 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
 ** _Replying to @thecatguy_**  
I think Oliver is a great name

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
is that why you suggested it already

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
I just think you should name one of the cats Oliver

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
and i think you have a large enough ego

**Glasses are for nerds** _@iwearglasses_  
 ** _Replying to @thecatguy_**  
Whatever you choose, at least you can't do worse than H.P. Lovecraft

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i dont if anyone can do worse than he did  
but thanks

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Gerry** : hey, Nikola, you said you and Jon were in a band?

 **Nikola** : Yes

 **Gerry** : what was the band name?

 **Archivist** : why?

 **Gerry** : i'm just wondering

 **Nikola** : The Mechanisms

 **Gerry** : really?

 **Archivist** : yeah. have you heard our music?

 **Gerry** : yeah, i think i talked to you

 **Archivist** : you did? 

**Gerry** : you were Jonny D'Ville, right?

 **Archivist** : yes

 **Nikola** : Wow, everything really is connected huh?

 **Gerry** : apparently so

 **Archivist** : i dont remember talking to you though, but i was probably drunk and there were a lot of goth people at our shows

 **Nikola** : goths, emos, and punks, we attracted the best kinds of people

 **Annabelle** : i looked you guys up, very good music, nikola why did you not tell me you could sing _like that_

 **Nikola** : Because Jon did

 **Archivist** : i did

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
more names to add to the list: Licorice, Onyx, Peaches, Coral, Button, Bubbles, Taffy, Candy, Lapis, Sapphire, Loki, Mousse, and Sky  
30 names in total, that is the max, we will consider all of them and tell yall the results

  
 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
 ** _Replying to @thecatguy_**  
Why are there so many food names?

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
i dont know

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
Well, I like Licorice and Taffy

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
why? 

**Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
Because I knew you didn't want me to say that

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
youre so mean

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Tim** : I'm just trying to say that I'm worried! 

**Sasha** : Why are you worried? It's Jon, he takes fifteen minutes to decide what color socks to wear. He's not irrational

 **Tim** :You don't know that! He said he's friends with a monster thing, and now he said he's on drugs, we should be worried

 **Jon** : I said I _did_ drugs when I was 18, and Michael's not a monster, well it is, but not like you guys think

 **Tim** : He's not? How do you figure that?

 **Jon** : I know it

 **Sasha** : so do I, and I'm with Tim on this one

 **Jon** : Well, you're both idiots then, and if you really want, come over tonight and I'll introduce you to it, and then you can decide

 **Martin** : We've already met Michael

 **Jon** : just come over, I was planning on inviting y'all over anyways

 **Tim** : Fine

* * *

  
**🖕Michael🚪**

**Jon** : do you and Helen want to come over?

 **Michael** : Sure, when?

 **Jon** : tonight, my friends from the archives will be over too

 **Michael** : Fun

 **Jon** : you have to be nice

 **Michael** : I know

 **Jon** : Good, see you later

 **Michael** : :)

* * *

  
 **send me cat photos√**  
 _@thecatguy_  
ive chosen the names. the black kitten is the General and the orange tabby is the Colonel

  
 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
 ** _Replying to @thecatguy_**  
I knew it was going to be something like that

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
well obviously, what else would i name them?

* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Sasha** : your partner lives there too right? Will we get to meet them? 

**Jon** : Maybe, they're kinda shy

 **Martin** : Oh, c'mon Jon, we've got to meet them at some point

 **Jon** : I suppose

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : any chance one of yall can pretend to be my partner tonight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> There's a few jokes that I'm using this chapter (and past chapters) to set up, so if it seems like something is off, know that I'm going to play off of it
> 
> And the House thing is because I'm watching House and it just kinda slipped into my writing


	18. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist
> 
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost
> 
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked
> 
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime
> 
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea
> 
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)
> 
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby
> 
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr
> 
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion
> 
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral
> 
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown
> 
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy
> 
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : any chance one of yall can pretend to be my partner tonight?

 **Webby:** any chance you can just tell your friends that youre dating yourself?

 **Archivist** : absolutely not

 **Gerry** : why are you dating yourself?

 **Oliver** : Apparently I'm not good enough for him

 **Archivist** : you arent. the only man for me is _@Peter_

 **Peter** : No

 **Archivist** : worth a shot

 **Nikola** : If only Gerry was alive

**Archivist has muted Nikola**

**Gerry** : wait, what does she mean by that?

 **Archivist** : absolutely nothing. lets focus on the fake dating thing now

 **Michael** : Well I can't, since I'm supposed to be coming over already

 **Helen** : And that rules me out too

 **Daisy** : Your friends know me

 **Julia** : Trevor and I are in America

 **Gerry** : i'm dead

 **Jane** : same

 **Archivist** : and Peter wont admit his feelings for me and Jared is obviously out of the running

 **Webby** : why?

 **Archivist** : he broke his phone last week he doesn't even know this conversation is happening

 **Webby** : so who does that leave

 **Archivist** : you, Nikola, Oliver, and Mike

 **Oliver** : I refuse to wear a sweater vest

 **Archivist** : no one said you had to wear a sweater vest

 **Oliver** : You were thinking it

 **Archivist** : yeah i was  
so Olivers out

 **Webby** : _@Mike_ you up for it? 

**Mike** : Jon, you're cool and all, but no, I'd rather not

 **Archivist** : thats cool. its Annabelle or Nikola

**Archivist has unmuted Nikola**

**Nikola** : That was uncalled for

 **Archivist** : it wasnt, but also it cant be you either

 **Nikola** : why not?

 **Archivist** : two reasons: i met you in college, and Tim hates clowns

 **Nikola** : That's not a good reason

 **Archivist** : i think you killed his brother so it kinda is

 **Nikola** : Did I?

 **Archivist** : i dont know, did you?

 **Nikola** : I'll get back to you on that one

 **Archivist** : sooo, Annabelle, will you be my girlfriend?

 **Webby** : when do i need to be there? 

**Archivist** : anytime in the next hour would be great

 **Webby** : alright, ill be there

 **Archivist** : thanks! i love you!

 **Webby** : you better

 **Gerry** : okay, since that's done, why did Nikola say that? 

**Archivist has muted Nikola**

**Archivist** : i told you it wasnt important

 **Gerry** : are you sure?

 **Archivist** : yep

* * *

 **send me cat photos√**   
_@thecatguy_  
telling friends who you like is always a mistake, remember that

  
 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
 ** _Replying to @thecatguy_**  
Something happened I just don't know if I want to know

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
you dont

 **Georgie√** _@whattheghost_  
Well, that clears that up

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Jon** : Be over at about five

 **Tim** : Should we bring anything?

 **Jon** : No

 **Martin** : Are you sure because I don't mind

 **Jon** : Do not bring anything to my home

 **Sasha** : Why phrase it like that? 

**Jon** : To make my point, you bring anything, especially anything in pots or pans, I will not let you in through the door

 **Tim** : Why?

 **Jon:** I don't want to have to make sure everything gets taken back with y'all

* * *

 **Jon**  
 _@archivist_  
My staff thinks I trust them for some reason? I trust no one, not even myself

  
 **Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_  
 ** _Replying to @archivist_**  
Why don't you trust yourself?

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
I've let myself down too many times

 **Melanie√** _@ghosthuntuk_  
I'll drink to that

 **Jon** _@archivist_  
Great, you and Georgie both can at dinner tonight

* * *

**My Ex and her GF**

**Melanie** : was that your way of inviting us over tonight?

 **Jon** : yes

 **Georgie** : Why are you inviting us over? 

**Jon** : its a long story

 **Melanie** : better start typing then

* * *

 **GP Tim**  
 _@teatime_  
I love how _@thecatguy_ always tweets about crushing on people but never about they're boyfriend

  
 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
 ** _Replying to @teatime_**  
i love how im about to never talk to you again

 **GP Tim** _@teatime_  
That won't happen, you love me

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
no, i love cats, i tolerate you

 **GP Tim** _@teatime_  
That's a lie and you know it

 **send me cat photos√** _@thecatguy_  
youre right. .. i dont tolerate you either

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : _@Peter_ are you in London?

 **Peter** : Yes? 

**Archivist** : you wanna come over and meet some of my friends?

 **Peter** : I'd rather die

 **Archivist** : cmon you dont want to see their faces when our bosses ex-husband shows up?

 **Peter** : No

 **Archivist** : not even for a minute?

 **Peter** : No

 **Archivist** : fine

 **Oliver** : Can I come over?

 **Archivist** : so you can get free food and flirt with Tim? no

 **Oliver** : I would never flirt with another man, not in front of you

 **Archivist** : i dont believe you

 **Oliver** : Fine, I'll just stay home, bored

 **Archivist** : you do that, _@Webby_ where are you

 **Webby** : im at your door

 **Archivist** : cool

 **Webby** : open it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION: Do you guys care if I do an actual chapter? Like written out instead of tweets? Because I don't know how I'm supposed to do the dinner thing over tweets. 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Look y'all, it ended up being Annabelle because I think it makes the most sense and I can't probably get more jokes out of it. I mean I even asked people, you guys commented who you wanted, but I was like, it has to be Annabelle. 
> 
> Also Gerry is dead. I ship JonGerry, a lot, and I love it, I've written JonGerry, but he is dead, I am not bringing him back around this time because I made a joke in an earlier chapter. If you want some JonGerry you can always go on Tumblr and send me a prompt though, I'll be more than happy to oblige, or just read some of my other stories, sorry, and thank you for understanding


	19. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long but I just wasn't ready to write this and now I was so here it is
> 
> Also Georgie and Melanie were supposed to be in this chapter, but I decided that seven people were enough
> 
> Also shout-out to the person who said Martin needed to pet a cat, this chapter is for you

"Hey guys", Jon said holding the door open for his three friends who had just arrived. They all looked nervous in completely different ways. 

Tim looked absolutely frazzled. As if he was sure that something terrible was going to happen at anytime. If he was a cat Jon would say that he was prepared to pounce, but there wasn't anything to pounce at so he stayed in his defensive position. 

Sasha looked politely worried, but she carried herself in a way that if someone hadn't known her they wouldn't be able to tell. 

And Martin. Well, Martin always looks nervous so that observation wasn't really necessary for him. 

"Hi Jon", Sasha smiled at him, the other two didn't really say anything but Martin also smiled at him, which was nice. 

"So", Tim started once they were inside and Jon had shut the door, "Where's your partner?"

"She's in the bedroom", Jon told him, gesturing in the direction of said room, "She was running a bit late"

"That's alright", Sasha said, sitting down on the couch, "I can't wait to meet her"

"I really wish you could", Jon mumbled under his breath. 

"What was that?", Tim asked.

"Nothing", Jon said quickly. 

"So, how'd you two meet?", Martin asked, sitting down next to Sasha. Jon looked over at him and was taken aback by the frown on his face. 

"Um, well, Georgie introduced us", Jon told him, not sure what he had done to make the other man upset but wishing he did so he could fix it. 

"And then it was love at first sight", someone else said. They all turned their attention towards the woman who had just walked in. She had dark skin, short blonde hair, and stitches on one of her temples that closely resembled spider webs. But what really stuck out about her was her outfit. She was wearing a black button up shirt with an argyle sweater vest which was pink and blue and a pair of khakis. 

The exact same thing Jon was wearing. 

And the three people sitting on the couch were immediately struck with how strange this was. 

But not Jon. 

No Jon was doubled over in laughter. His three coworkers didn't even know he could laugh like this, but here he was. 

"Are you okay", Annabelle asked him, "Baby?"

That last part only helped to make the laughter worse, and make the smirk on Annabelle's face wider. 

But after a moment Jon was able to finally calm down and catch his breath, he looked up at her and held back another round of laughter, "This is why I love you"

"I know", Annabelle smiled and put an arm around his shoulders, and then turned to the three people on the couch, "Okay, so, let's see if I can get this right"

"Get what right?", Martin asked, the frown ever present on his face.

"She wants to see if she can guess who's who based on what I told her", Jon told him, "Without me giving her any actual physical details to work off of"

"Why?", Tim asked, not seeing the point of this. 

"Because it's fun", Jon shrugged, he then looked over at Annabelle, "I'd start now while they're being quiet"

"Right. So that's Tim, a bit nosy, has big Chad energy", Annabelle said, pointing at Tim, "Sasha isn't too hard to figure out, you're right, she does dress like a librarian", she pointed at Sasha, "And that means this one is Martin", Annabelle said, letting go of Jon and walking over to him, "Jon's told me so many lovely things about you, I've wanted to meet you for a very long time"

"Annabelle", Jon said, warning her from going to far. They had agreed, no spiders. 

"Yeah, I know, it really is nice to meet you Mr. Blackwood", She smiled at him. 

"You too", Martin told her, though he didn't really sound like he meant it. 

"Wait", Tim spoke up, having listened to the whole thing but having nothing to add, until he replayed what he said in his mind, "What do you mean big Chad energy?"

"I can not explain what that means. Just know that if it were in the dictionary all the definition would be is a picture of your face", Jon told him. 

Tim looked like he was about to start arguing with him on this when Sasha spoke up first. 

"So, when is Michael going to get here?" She asked. 

"It already is", Jon gestured to the yellow door on the wall opposite of them. They all turned to look at it. 

"So's Helen, don't know if y'all've met her or not, but she's great", Annabelle told them, sitting down in an armchair and picking up the General. The cat began to purr as soon as she began to pet it, and she was actually beginning to understand why Jon liked them so much. 

"Okay, so when are they going to join us, then?", Martin asked, knowing that if he phrased the question any other way he may not get a straight answer. 

"I don't know", Jon said, walking over to the door, "Let me check"

"Don't touch the doorknob", Annabelle said, not looking up from the kitten in her lap. 

"I know", Jon said raising his hand up to knock on the door, it was just then that it opened and Jon actually knocked on Michael's chest, which caused a very strange static noise. 

"Hello, Archivist", Michael said, looking down at Jon, who may be tall but Michael, and Helen, both stood at about eight foot. 

"Hi Michael, sorry about that", Jon said backing up. 

"That's alright", Michael told him, and then stepped out of his hallway, followed by a woman who looked a lot like him, but very different at the same time. 

"Ms. Richardson?", Martin asked when he saw her. 

"Oh! That one remembers me, or well, what I used to be", Helen smiled, her teeth were all different colors and very sharp looking. 

"We thought you died", Tim told her. 

"I did! Isn't it splendid?", She turned her gaze on him. 

"That's horrible", Sasha said, "How could you think it's a good thing?"

"I don't know. I like what I am now", Helen told her, and then turned to Jon, "Are your friends always so glum?"

"No. Most of the time they're all happy and stuff", Jon told her, "Here, you two sit down, and if you could make your hands a bit less pointy that'd be great"

"I like my hands the way they are", Michael complained, sitting on the floor next to Annabelle about to pet the General. 

"If you don't, then you can't pet the cats, sorry", Jon told it. Michael sighed, but his knife hands became as normal as they possibly could, "Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me I have something I need to go get"

With that Jon left the room and made his way towards the bedroom. Everyone was silent until Jon came back holding the orange tabby he had also adopted. 

"Okay, here", He said handing the cat to Martin, who accepted it without question, "Now that you've met Annabelle, and my children, I'd say everyone's aquatinted, right? So now we can actually move on with dinner"

"Which is going to be what?", Sasha asked him, not looking up from the cat in Martin's arms, reaching over to pet him. 

"I ordered pizza", Jon told her, "Didn't feel like cooking, that and we just moved in so most things are still in boxes"

"You say that like you actually had to move things and you didn't just bring them through our hallways", Helen told him, she had situated herself between the coffee table and Annabelle's legs, having shrunk a bit to fit. 

"You're right, doesn't mean I unpacked anything", Jon told her, finally sitting down on the other armchair, though that lasted all of five seconds before he flipped upside down, resting his feet on the top of it, causing the archive crew to stare at him like he was insane. 

"So, Sasha, how have you been? Haven't messed with any strange tables lately have you?", Michael asked. 

"I'm fine. And no? Well there was that one, but Elias sold it for some reason", Sasha told it. 

"Maybe he didn't have a choice", Annabelle told her. 

"Of course he did. Why wouldn't he?", Sasha asked. 

"I don't know, perhaps he met someone very persuasive", Annabelle smirked at her. 

"Hey, stop that", Jon said, pointing in her general direction, but his glasses had slid down his face and he couldn't actually see her. 

"Fine", Annabelle told him. 

"Thank you. Now, stop talking about _that man_ ", Jon told all of them. 

"That man? You mean Elias? Our boss?", Tim asked him. 

"I said stop talking about him, his name is not allowed under this roof, I'm going to have to clean everything now, maybe get a priest to perform some sort of exorcism too", He said. They all gaped at him, well the ones who didn't share his hatred for Elias did, the other three all nodded in agreement. 

"You can't do that last bit though", Michael began, "Then Oliver might not be able to come over, and maybe you wouldn't be able to text Gerry anymore"

"And we all know how much you _love_ to talk to Gerry, Helen added and a moment later a book was thrown at her head. 

"Shut up", Jon said, even though he was smiling. 

"Yeah, that's my boyfriend you're making fun of", Annabelle told her, "Stop that"

"Wait, who's Gerry?", Martin asked, still petting the Colonel, which seemed to cheer him up a bit. 

"Gerard Keay", Michael said, causing Annabelle to flick it in the ear, "Ow! Sorry mom I won't tell anymore secrets"

"Good!"

"Gerard Keay is dead", Sasha said, having to take a moment and remember where she had heard the name, in fact she had met him once or twice in the archives.

"He sure is! And he's in America! Isn't that great? And the best part is we can still talk to him", Helen told her. 

"Please stop before they get the wrong idea", Jon told her. 

"Sorry, but I mean, I'm not the one with the crush on a dead dude", Helen said. 

"Helen!", Jon exclaimed sitting up, "I do not have a crush on him!"

"Of course you don't", Michael smiled at him. 

"I don't! He's just a friend!"

"You know, I think that's what I said before we started dating too, but Gertrude knew better", Michael told him. 

"Okay, we're definitely coming back to Jon having a crush on a dead person, but you used to work at the institute?", Tim asked it. 

"Yep! Worse mistake I ever made", Michael told him. 

"Same", Jon muttered, and before they could ask him what he meant there was a knock at the door. 

"Pizza's here!", Annabelle yelled, standing up, handing the cat over to Helen, and making her way to the door, Jon trailing behind her. 

When they came back they had four large pizzas and a couple of two liters of soda. 

It was also when Helen and Michael saw what they were wearing, and the room was filled with staticky laughter that made your ears feel like they were bleeding. Luckily it didn't last long enough for that to happen. 

"We've got to send a picture to Oliver", Michael told Helen who agreed instantly.

"I know what you two just agreed too and if you take my picture, while I look like this, I will kill you", Annabelle told them both, setting the pizza down on the coffee table.

"But you look adorable!", Jon called from the kitchen area where he had gone to get plates and cups. 

"You're just saying that"

"No I mean it, you look good", Jon told her, smiling. Annabelle returned the smile. 

Tim looked over at Martin and Sasha and whispered, "Is it me or is this strangely domestic?"

"It's not just you", Sasha replied, Martin didn't say anything, he just nodded.

"Well, let's eat", Jon set the plates down on the table and smiled at his friends. 

* * *

While they were eating Jon's phone began to ring, his ringtone sounded like some sort of shanty, but none of them mentioned it. 

Michael, who was closest to the phone, picked it up and read the caller ID. 

"Archivist, all this says is 'Bitch'", it said, holding the phone out to Jon, who waved it away. 

"Answer it, put it on speaker, no one say anything, just Michael", they all looked confused but did as they were told. 

"Hello?", Michael spoke into the phone, holding it up to it's mouth, but out enough so the others could hear it. 

"Hello, who is this?", it was Elias, Michael and Helen were both trying not to laugh, and Annabelle had stepped out of the room, at least far enough so here laughing couldn't be heard. The other three were just confused. 

"You don't recognize my voice? C'mon Elias I might not have been the best employee ever, but I do remember a smoking with you, before you changed", Michael said. 

There was a long pause before they all heard Elias sigh, "Michael give Jon the phone"

"Jon's dead"

"He is not!"

"Yes he is! I killed him. I'm still sitting next to his corpse right now, thinking about making him part of the spiral actually, he's already been touched"

"Don't you dare!"

"I'll do what I want. If I recall correctly, I don't work for you anymore"

"Michael if you so much as look at my archivist, I will-"

"Hey! He's my archivist!", Annabelle yelled, walking up behind Michael.

"Is that Annabelle Cane?"

"Yep!"

"Great! Who else is there? Peter?"

"I wish!", Jon called from where he was sitting. 

"Jon! So you're alive?"

"Obviously", Jon rolled his eyes, "Now if you'll excuse me Elias, I'm having a business dinner with my staff"

"Then why are Michael and Annabelle there?"

"Because my girlfriend is invited to everything I go to, and I don't know, Michael's chill"

"Jon"

"Elias"

"This isn't funny"

"I think it is"

"Who's with you?"

"I told you it's my staff, Annabelle, Michael and Helen"

"Helen?"

"Oh, yeah, Helen"

"Hi Elias! How's the divorce treating you?", Helen asked. Elias didn't reply to that he just hung up. 

"That was fun!", Jon smiled

"Business dinner?", Sasha asked. 

"He pretended to kill you", Tim said. 

"Are you trying to get fired?", Martin added. 

"I don't tell Elias the truth, Michael was being a good friend, and yes Martin, my only goal on life is to get fired, Elias just liked to torture me", Jon said, answering their questions in order. 

"Ignoring what you just said, and what just happened, can you please tell us why you hate Elias so much", Tim asked. 

"I don't know man", Jon told him, "There's just something about his eyes"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be a part two to this, I just feel like I had to end it on that line
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not funny, but this needed to be updated

**Avatars? More Like Avatastars**  
  
**Oliver:** How’s it going?   
  
**Nikola** : No clue, they aren’t responding   
  
**Archivist:** who unmuted you?   
  
**Nikola:** _**@Gerry**_  
  
**Archivist** : i thought we were friends   
  
**Gerry:** we are   
  
**Archivist:** then why?   
  
**Gerry:** Nikola is also my friend   
  
**Nikola:** :)   
  
**Archivist:** :( 

* * *

  
  
“Who’re you texting?”, Tim asked, now leaning against the back of Jon’s chair. It had been about fifteen minutes since the whole thing with Elias, and so far, Tim had, thankfully, not brought it up again.   
  
Jon clicked off his phone and turned to face him a bit, “Just a couple of clowns”. He immediately regretted his choice of words, but Tim didn’t seem phased, so he left it be.   
  
“More friends?”, He asked, smirking, “Wow Boss, didn’t know you were so popular”   
  
“Neither did I”, Jon told him, not sure how to explain that he had not wanted so many friends, even if he does love them, but they were forced upon him.   
  
Tim didn’t reply to that, he just shrugged, still smirking, and made his way back to the couch.   
  
“So”, Sasha began, “What should we do now?”   
  
“We could play a game”, Annabelle suggested, and even though she said it innocently, Jon could tell she was up to something.   
  
“I have cards”, He said, hoping to derail whatever it was she was cooking up.   
  
“Not what I meant”, Her smile grew into a smirk.   
  
“I know, but it was worth a try”, Jon shrugged. As he spoke, he slid out of his chair and onto the floor, putting his legs next to Helen’s under the coffee table.   
  
“It was wonderfully executed, Archivist”, Michael told him.   
  
Helen nodded, “I agree, if it was anyone other than Annabelle it may have worked”   
  
“Thanks”, Jon said, at the same time martin said, “What are you guys talking about?”   
  
“Annabelle wants to ruin my life”, Jon told him. That didn’t clear anything up, but Martin just took it for what it was, and sat back, watching the others.   
  
“What game did you have in mind, Annabelle?”, Tim asked, wanting to get on with it.   
  
“Truth o-”, She began, but Jon interrupted her.   
  
“I hate you”   
  
“No you don’t”   
  
“No I don’t, but we ae not playing Truth or Dare”   
  
“Why not?”, Sasha asked, “It sounds fun”   
  
“I agree”, Tim added.   
  
“Me too”, Martin said, not that he was really in the mood to reveal anything about himself, but learning more about the others did seem like a good time, and it was absolutely not because he wanted to know Jon more, totally not, because Martin _doesn’t_ have a massive crush on his straight boss.   
  
“Fine”, Jon sighed.   
  
“Don’t Michael and I get a say?”, Helen asked.   
  
“Weren’t you going to say you wanted to play?”, Jon asked.   
  
“Yeah, but it would still be nice to be heard sometimes”, Michael told him.   
  
“I’m sorry”, He said, “But you do want to play right?”   
  
“Yes”, The two avatars said at the same time.   
  
“Fantastic, who wants to start?”, Annabelle asked.   
  
“I will”, Tim said. Jon was not looking forward to this.   
  
“Boss”, Jon tried very hard not to sigh, “Truth or dare?”   
  
“Dare”, Tim looked shocked by this answer, as if Jon hadn’t spent the last two weeks avoiding his questions.   
  
“I dare you to, um, call the last person you texted and put it on speaker phone”, Tim said. Jon was very relieved.   
  
“Group chats don’t count right?”, He asked, and though the question was directed at Tim, he was looking at Annabelle.   
  
“Right”, Tim told him.   
  
“Great”, Jon muttered and scrolled past his usual chats until he finally came to a one on one conversation, though he was overcome by a very, very, slight sense of dread at who it was. Either way he clicked the call button and put it on speaker, while it was ringing, Tim told everyone to be quiet so the person didn’t know they were on speaker.   
  
After a few rings the person picked up, and a man’s voice came through the speaker. “Hello”   
  
“Hi Oliver”, Jon said, not sure what to say, but apparently Oliver did, so that was okay.   
  
“Are you still at that dinner thing? Is Annabelle there right now? What is she wearing, Helen said it was funny”   
  
Jon ignored Annabelle not so subtly flicking Helen in the back of the head and said, “Yeah, everyone’s still over. And sorry, but that information is strictly confidential”   
  
“Oh, come on, she’s in a sweater vest isn’t she?”   
  
“Maybe”   
  
Oliver laughed, supposedly at the mental image that created, for a good three minutes before speaking again, “Wow she’s really that dramatic huh? You two are such a good fit”   
  
“Thank you?”   
  
“But not as good a fit as we could be. I am just saying that I would be perfect for you”, Once he said that, everyone turned to look at Annabelle, but she didn’t seem upset, just really amused.   
  
“I’m sorry Oliver, we can’t be together, I really wish we could, but it’s impossible”, Jon seemed to grow sad as he said this.   
  
“Babe, don’t say that, nothing’s impossible”   
  
“This is. I’m so sorry, I’ll always love you, but this, us, it just can’t happen”, Everyone was watching this exchange with wide eyes, well the Archive crew was, the others were used to it, but they were even more surprised to see actual tears running down Jon’s cheeks.   
  
“I know. Goodbye Jon, I love you”   
  
“I love you too”, There was a moment of silence before Oliver spoke again.   
  
“Okay, but seriously are we still up for movie night next week because you are seriously behind on the classics”   
  
“Yeah”, Jon said, somehow shifting perfectly back into his normal self and voice, “But it’s Nikola’s turn to pick, so it probably won’t be a classic”   
  
“I forgot about that, oh well, I’ll let you go now, enjoy your other friends, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”   
  
“That’s not a lot”   
  
“ I know, have fun!”, With that Oliver hung up.   
  
It was quiet for about five seconds and then Sasha spoke up. “What the f-”   
  
Jon held up a hand before she could finish, “No cursing in my Christian household”   
  
“You’re agnostic”, Annabelle reminded him.   
  
“Tell that to my Bible”, Jon said, holding it up, pulling out from seemingly nowhere.   
  
“Why do you have that?”   
  
“I have lots of things”   
  
“That was the worst thing you could have possibly said”   
  
“Thank you, I try”   
  
“Okay! We get it! You guys are adorable, and the domestic bickering is hilarious, but could someone please explain how Jon just went from Jon, to being sad about his forbidden love, to being Jon again? I mean he was crying! He still is crying!”, Tim shouted, well sort of, he didn’t raise his voice it was more a tone thing.   
  
“Thank you I know I’m adorable”, Annabelle said, as Jon said, “I’m crying?” He touched his face only for his fingers to come back wet.   
  
“Didn’t realize I got that into it”, Jon muttered, “And to answer your question, I minored in drama, and also did some acting in high school and college”   
  
“You did?”   
  
“Yeah, I was pretty good at it, even though I was high half the time”, Jon shrugged, “Anyways, It’s my turn right?”   
  
“Wait-”   
  
“No Tim, It will come back around, now”, Jon looked across the faces of his friends, “Martin, truth or dare?”   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**   
  
**Oliver:** Just talked to Jon, seems like everything is going good   
  
**Michael:** By the way that was a dare, you were on speaker   
  
**Oliver:** So all of you heard me declare my love for Jon??   
  
**Michael:** Yes   
  
**Oliver:** Good 

* * *

  
They had gone around the circle, and, in no particular order, now everyone knew Martin’s secret to making tea (“Love” “That’s bs” “No Tim let him finish”), Michael had it’s hair straightened (“Oh, it’s longer than I thought”), Sasha at some point had to take Jon’s Bible next door and ‘convert’ them (“Wait take this too” “Jon?” “Yes?” “Is this a Tanakh?” “Yes, just in case”), Tim ended up telling them all about time he almost died while kayaking ( “See? A total Chad” ), Helen called her old boss and explained in detail how horrible his fashion sense was, Annabelle was asked why she liked cats and Jon could tell she had gone back and reread some of his tweets because she answered perfectly, and now it was back to Jon.   
  
“Truth or Dare?”, Sasha asked.   
  
“Truth”   
  
“Who’s Peter?”   
  
“Elias’ ex and the love of my life”, Jon’s eyes glossed over and his face softened as he talked, “He’s a boat captain, and he likes sea shanties, and no one will listen those with me except for him, and we both hate Elias, well he does when they’re divorced, not so much when they’re married, and I’ve ready been invited to their next wedding, which will be torture to sit through, but I will, for _him_ ”   
  
“You know until you said all of that”, Sasha made a vague gesture with her hand, “I thought you were straight”   
  
Everyone turned to stare at her like she was crazy, except for Martin he nodded in agreement.   
  
“What? Really? You thought I was straight?”, Jon asked, not able to wrap his head around it, “But we’ve joked all night about me crushing on guys, you heard me act out a forbidden love thing with Oliver, I’ve gone on dates with Tim”   
  
“You what now?!”, That was Martin.   
  
“Nice going, Boss”, Tim muttered.   
  
“The truth was going to come out sometime”, Jon told him standing up, “Hold on”   
  
He left the room and was gone for several minutes. While he was gone, all of them turned towards Tim.   
  
“So”, Annabelle began, “You went out with Jon?”   
  
“Look, it was only a for a little bit, you have nothing to wor-”, Tim began, but Annabelle interrupted him.   
  
“I don’t get jealous, so stop, what I want to know is who broke up with who”   
  
“It was kind of a mutual thing. It was right before he was promoted, there wasn’t a whole lot of chemistry, so once he became head archivist, we called it off”, Tim said, “I didn’t break his heart or anything”   
  
“Don’t assume things Tim”, Jon said, coming back into the room carrying a tote.   
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”   
  
“It means don’t assume my feelings”, Jon said, setting the tote down, “But before you ask, I was not heartbroken about it, honestly I feel no romantic attraction to you, and I value our friendship quite a bit”   
  
“Okay, well good, I like being friends too”, Tim told him. Jon looked at him smiling slightly.   
  
“That was cute”, Michael said, “What’s in the tote Archivist”   
  
“Stuff”, Jon said opening it, “Stuff I only, usually, pull out in June”   
  
They all caught on rather quickly after that. Especially since Jon started to pull things out.   
  
“Bi flag, ace flag, trans flag”, He said picking up the folded flags and handing them to Sasha, “Pins”, He pulled out a small Tupperware container of pride pins, some looked like flags, some had funny sayings on them, some had more serious expressions on them, “Oh look, I even have rainbow socks, I forgot about those”   
  
“Why don’t you have any of these out during the rest of the year?”, Helen asked, playing with the hem of one of the flags.   
  
“I just don’t”, Jon shrugged and the pulled something else out of the tote, “Leather jacket”   
  
“That doesn’t have any pride stuff on it”, Tim pointed out.   
  
“Well, it’s not supposed to be in here, but honestly, the only straight people who wear leather are cops, everyone else is gay”   
  
“That’s fair”   
  
It took a few more minutes for him to pull everything out of the tote, but once he did, he looked up at Sasha and Martin, “Do you still think I’m straight or-”   
  
“No, you’re good, I get it”, Sasha assured him.   
  
“Great. Good. This is awkward, someone can take my turn for me I need to go get something to drink”   
  
“You have a drink in front of you”, Annabelle told him.   
  
“I need something stronger”, Jon said, walking towards the kitchen area. 

* * *

  
  
“Jon! Glad to have you back! Martin is in the middle of telling us all about how he faked his credentials to get a job at the institute”, Helen told him.   
  
“Sounds fun”, Jon smiled, taking a drink from the bottle he brought back with him, “What question did you ask to get him to talk about that?”   
  
“What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done”, Helen said.   
  
“Martin, and I mean this in the nicest way, because I love you and you’re my friend, so I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but you seriously need to live a little”, Jon told him. Martin blushed at this, but it wasn’t clear whether it was because Jon said he loved him or if it was because of the insult, that wasn’t really an insult, more like life advice.   
  
“You want him to do something more illegal?”, Sasha asked.   
  
“Yeah”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Be gay do crimes”   
  
“Okay, but it’s still illegal”   
  
“Sasha, I am friends with two cops, two, and yes, I am not as close to the police as Tim is, nowhere near that level of closeness, but I have to ask, how many cops are you friends with?”   
  
“Two? Basira and Daisy are my friends too”   
  
“I forgot about that”, Jon said, he set the bottle down on the table and pulled out his phone, “Hold on” he did something and then set the phone down, “Okay, let’s continue”   
  
“What did you just do?”, Tim asked.   
  
“You’ll find out soon. It’s your turn Martin, right?”, Jon said.   
  
“Yeah, Michael, Truth or Dare?” 

* * *

  
Ten minutes later, after Michael had told them what it was like working for Gertrude, even if Sasha disagreed, Jon’s phone began to ring.   
  
“Hi, I’m going to put you on speaker, okay?”, Jon said when he answered it.   
  
“Okay, they can hear you now please tell Martin that he can have a little crime”   
  
“As a treat”, Basira’s voice sounded from the phone, “Can I go now? We’re watching cop shows and judging the characters”   
  
“Yeah, thanks, bye”   
  
“Bye”, with that she hung up.   
  
“See, crime’s fun” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> I was going to try and finish the dinner thing this chapter but after more than two thousand words I couldn't figure it out, so you get this, next chapter will probably be the last bit of the dinner and then back to our regularly scheduled shenanigans, which are about ten thousand times easier to write. 
> 
> Also, can't remember who all made a Jon is straight joke, but I don't think Tim did, I might be wrong, it's almost three am, I'm tired, so yes, past JonTim, TimJon, whatever it's called, because I think it's funny.
> 
> Also, also, this is the first time I am using a computer to post on here, and I know Google Docs apparently formats it weird, but I wasn't using Google Docs, so  
> But still if the formatting is off please let me know, thanks
> 
> Okay, I love you guys, goodnight


	21. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ummmmmmmmmmmmm...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter could be better and longer but it could also be worse
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Jon-  
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist  
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost  
> Melanie-  
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk  
> Tim Stoker-  
> Tim @alwaysstoked  
> Gunpowder Tim-  
> GP Tim @teatime  
> Martin-  
> Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Elias-  
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute  
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Annabelle Cane-  
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion  
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral  
> Nikola-  
> Nikola @plasticclown  
> Daisy-  
> Tonner @Daisy  
> Basira-  
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

“Get home safely”, Jon called after his friends as they left his flat, “Bye”   
  
Three separate goodbyes were shouted as they made their way back downstairs. Jon sighed, shutting the door and locking it behind him. He leaned up against, trying to pretend like he hadn’t been having the biggest panic attack, mostly caused by the fact that he had lied to three of his friends all night, but it’s not like he could come clean, they would think he’s crazy.   
  
Shaking his head, he made his way back to where Michael, Helen, and Annabelle were still sitting, chatting about nothing and everything. Jon thought he heard something about capturing victims, but he chose to ignore this. He cleared his throat and they all looked towards him.   
  
“So, you guys want to watch a movie or something?”, He asked, not necessarily wanting his friends to leave, that and he wasn’t sure that he was tired enough to sleep if they left anyways.   
  
“Sure”, Annabelle said, “That is, if you let me go change out of this ridiculous outfit first”, she gestured at her entire body to emphasize her point.   
  
“Of course”, Jon told her, and then continued, “But first you have to take picture”   
  
“That’s not happening”   
  
“Please”   
  
“...fine”   
  
“Thank you!”   
  
“For someone who hates being compared to a monster you sure do enjoy my misery don’t you?”, Annabelle asked, moving over to where Jon was standing, handing Helen her phone as she did so.   
  
“No, I just want to remember this”, Jon told her, “And honestly you look great in it”   
  
“You’re just saying that because I am dressed like you”   
  
“That’s not true at all”, Jon told her, putting an arm around her shoulder and turning her around so that she was facing the two avatars on the floor.   
  
“If you say so”, Annabelle muttered.   
  
“I do. Now smile”. They barely had enough time to smile at the camera as Helen pressed the button.   
  
The picture came out better than they even thought it would, and after looking at it, Annabelle had to agree that she did, in fact, look adorable.   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**  
  
**Michael:** _**[Photo ID: Jon and Annabelle smiling wide at the camera in their matching outfits consisting of black button ups, khakis, and pink and blue argyle sweater vest,you can see a tote on the ground behind them]**_   
**Michael** : Appreciate that picture Annabelle said that we could only share it as long as we promised that she looked good.   
  
**Oliver** : Well, Ms. Cane, you have somehow made sweater vests look cool   
  
**Webby:** thanks i make everything look cool   
  
**Archivist** : i take offense to that   
  
**Oliver:** Jon, I love you, you know that, and now so do your friends, but, and I say this from the bottom of my cold dead heart, they don’t look cool on you   
  
**Archivist:** was that supposed to make me feel better?   
  
**Oliver:** No, I guess not   
  
**Nikola:** I think they look good on you, Jon :) .   
  
**Archivist** : and that is why youre my favorite   
  
**Nikola** : <3   
**Nikola:** Also, why is your pride tote pulled out?   
  
**Helen** : Why does Nikola know about the pride tote?   
  
**Gerry:** what’s a pride tote? also i think Jon looks fine in sweater vests   
  
**Archivist** : i went to college with her and it is a tote full of pride stuff and thank you Gerry   
**Archivist:** i will explain everything at brunch tomorrow Nikola   
  
**Nikola** : Sounds good! 

* * *

  
  
**send me cat photos ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
look at this girls skin, please _@plasticclown_ how do you do it?   
[Photo ID: A picture of a woman, from the chest up, with pale, smooth, ‘almost’ plastic, skin, she has long brown hair which is braided down her back and she is wearing a red suit jacket with black lapels and a brightly colored shirt underneath, her makeup is elaborate, and she is smiling wide]   
  
**Nikola** _@plasticclown_  
_**Replying to @thecatguy**_  
Rebirth   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
okay but how   
**Nikola** _@plasticclown_   
You’ll find out soon enough   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
sounds ominous. i cant wait   
**Nikola** _@plasticclown_  
You won’t have to :)))   


* * *

  
  
**The Mechanisms**  
  
**Tim** : Nikola, you and Jon scare me sometimes   
  
**Nikola** : We try   
  
**Tim:** I know   
  
**Jon** : TIM   
  
**Tim:** JON   
  
**Jon:** you wanna join us for brunch?   
  
**Tim** : sure, when and where?   
  
**Basira:** Right now   
**Basira** : And don’t worry about where, we’ll come to you   
  
**Tim** : You have corrupted Basira   
  
**Nikola:** And you’re next Timmy!   


* * *

  
  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**  
  
**Tim** : Jon   
  
**Jon** : Yes?   
  
**Tim:** What is with Annabelle’s latest tweet?   
  
**Jon:** What do you mean?   
  
**Sasha** : It’s a weird tweet   
  
**Martin:** A very weird tweet   
  
**Jon:** I don’t see it   
  
**Tim:** Jon   
  
**Jon:** Can we talk about this later?   
  
**Sasha:** Why, what are you doing?   
  
**Jon** : Brunch with some friends   
  
**Martin:** Brunch? Really?   
  
**Jon:** Yes   
**Jon** : But don’t worry Martin, the tea here is nowhere near as good as yours   
  
**Martin** : Thank you?   
  
**Jon** : No problem 

* * *

  
  
**🛶Tim 🛶**   
  
**Tim** : Jon who is the woman in the picture from Annabelle’s tweet?   
**Tim:** And I want the truth   
  
**Jon:** I knew her in college and she became friends with Annabelle through me, her name is Nikola Law, she has a fantastic singing voice, I could link you her bandcamp if you want?   
  
**Tim:** That’s all?   
  
**Jon** : Pretty much yeah, why?   
  
**Tim:** I just recognize her for some reason   
  
**Jon:** She’s just got one of those faces, almost mannequin like   
  
**Tim:** That’s a strange way to describe it   
  
**Jon:** I am a strange man   
  
**Tim:** I know   


* * *

  
**Annabelle 🕷**  
_@webby_   
The bite of the Brazilian wandering spider can cause long and painful erections , as well as other symptoms, in human males.   
  
**Alexa Play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
**_Replying to @webby_**  
Is this supposed to have a semi threatening tone️   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
only if youre weak   
**Alexa Play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
hmmm   


* * *

  
  
**🤮Elias🤮**  
  
**Elias:** We need to discuss your apparent relationship with Annabelle Cane   
  
**Jon:** why   
  
**Elias:** She is dangerous Jon   
  
**Jon:** but you dont have all the facts   
  
**Elias** : Which are?   
  
**Jon:** i dont care what you think   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> I would like to say a few things but if you wish to skip this go ahead:  
> 1\. Jon in this fic was not purposefully written as someone who uses they/them and he/him, it just happened due to @thecatguy keeping their identity a secret, okay? I do actually love this and since I had not written it that way, but I love the headcanon and a lot of you seem to too, Jon will use both they/them and he/him interchangeably from now on probably, I'm not even sure what gender identity that falls under, but that doesn't really matter. That being said I am not rewriting anything to add this in the earlier chapters( not yet at least), but that doesn't really matter because he uses both in those chapters anyways.  
> 2\. I DO read and appreciate your comments! They make me very happy and I would love to respond but I am just super awkward, but I hope you all know that I love them!  
> 3, THIS ONE IS A QUESTION PLEASE READ: I am going to be writing a thing on the side of this fic. This 'second story' or whatever you would like to call it will be like an au in an au. It will be a book full of ships that this fic has joked about but otherwise ignored for the Jon/Jon thing and the eventual Jon/Martin. My question is, out of the following ships, would you guys like to see first?:  
> *JonGerry  
> *JonOliver(This would mostly be a what if Oliver had pretended to fake date Jon)  
> *Jon x Nikola (This would mostly be a what if Nikola had pretended to fake date Jon)  
> *JonTim (Like a story about their relationship before everything)  
> * The other JonTim (This would mostly be a what if Tim(Mechs) had pretended to fake date Jon)  
> *JonGeorgie/JonMelanie/JonGeorgieMelanie (I want to do a poly ship with them)  
> * Jon x Peter ( This would be pure crack and they would only be doing it to make Elias very, very angry)  
> *JonAnnabelle(But for reals)  
> *Jon x Jon (Y'all I swear it will be funny, please trust me)  
> Or feel free to suggest any other ship, I know a few of you wanted Mike Crew to be the one fake-dating Jon in the first place


	22. 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Shruggies*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anymore, man, I just don't know  
> (Also if it's not clear they're shutting down the institute to get rid of the spiders)
> 
> The Twitters:   
> Jon-   
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist  
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost  
> Melanie-   
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk  
> Tim Stoker-   
> Tim @alwaysstoked  
> Gunpowder Tim-   
> GP Tim @teatime  
> Martin-   
> Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)   
> Elias-   
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute  
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Annabelle Cane-   
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion  
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral   
> Nikola-   
> Nikola @plasticclown  
> Daisy-   
> Tonner @Daisy  
> Basira-   
> Basira @ashes
> 
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**Elias ✓**   
_@themagnusinstitute_   
The Magnus Institute will be closed for the next few days due to some unforeseen circumstances.   
  
**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_   
_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute_   
;)   
**Elias ✓** _@themagnusinstitute_  
This is not funny Ms. Cane   
**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_  
i think it is   
  
**Jon** _@archivist_   
_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute _  
Elias you can’t do this, you’ll make Martin sad   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
He’s right, I can already feel the tears coming   
**Elias ✓** _@themagnusinstitute_   
Mr. Sims and Mr. Blackwood I will only ask you once to behave yourselves, this is a business and I am taking the appropriate steps to make sure it stays running   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
“A business” it’s a glorified library   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**  
  
**Archivist:** _@webby_ the spiders are funny and everything, especially since they make Elias mad, but if you could please make sure they never come near me that would be great   
  
**Webby:** if i do that can they stay?   
  
**Archivist:** yes   
  
**Webby:** thanks   
  
**Nikola:** What’s this then?   
  
**Webby** : elias tried to tell jon to stop dating me and so I swarmed the institute with my babies   
  
**Gerry:** for someone so connected with the eye he really doesn’t have much foresight   
  
**Archivist:** i think hes just stupid   
  
**Gerry:** that too   


* * *

  
  
**☕Martin☕**  
  
**Martin** : You are aware that I follow Annabelle on twitter, right?   
  
**Jon:** you have the wrong number, sorry   
  
**Martin:** Jon, I can literally screenshot out conversation from yesterday   
  
**Jon** : Lo siento, no hablo inglés   
  
**Martin:** Really? Can’t we just talk about it?   
  
**Jon** : sorry jon died   
  
**Martin:** that’s not funny   
  
**Jon** : of course not, death is only funny on occasion, and this is not that occasion   
  
**Martin:** On what occasion is death funny?   
  
**Jon:** i should really introduce you to Oliver   
**Jon** : or Gerry   
  
**Martin:** Oliver? The guy you want to be with but it’s forbidden?   
  
**Jon:** good on you for remembering that   
**Jon:** now i really need to let you go   
**Jon:** bye   
  
**Martin:** Okay, bye 

* * *

  
  
**send me cat photos ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
i am happy to announce that the Admiral is now the kittens’ grumpy uncle   
_**[Photo ID: a fat gray tabby cat laying on a windowsill with the Colonel and the General laying on top of him very awkwardly, they are all asleep]**_  
  
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
_**Replying to** @thecatguy _  
They’re officially family now   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_   
exactly! i dont know what i would have done if he didnt like them   
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_   
Could you imagine not being able to have playdates with our cats?   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
i dont even want to consider that possibility, ever   
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_   
Me neither, forget that I said anything   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
i already have   


* * *

  
  
**Melanie ✓**   
_@ghosthuntuk_  
Look at these idiots   
_**[Photo ID: Georgie and Jon sitting on a couch, the Admiral is sitting between them and they are both holding one of the kittens, babbling at them ]**_  
  
**Jon** _@archivist_  
_**Replying to** @ghosthuntuk _  
Melanie, five seconds before posting this: Awe!! Look at the little kittens! They’re so cute!!   
And then she continued to pick up the Colonel and cuddle him   
**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_  
You dont have to out me like that   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
The people deserve the truth   
  
  
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
_**Replying to** @ghosthuntuk _  
Yes, but we’re _your_ idiots   
**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_  
And I love you both   
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
<3   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
_**Replying to**_ _@whattheghost and @ghosthuntuk_

  
  


* * *

  
  
**Alexa play Dead!**  
_@oLIVEr_  
I have been asked if Dead! Is my favorite mcr song, its not   
  
**Nikola** _@plasticclown_   
_**Replying to** @oLIVEr _  
Is it The End.?   
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
No   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
Fake Your Death?   
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_   
No   
**Helen** _@thespiral_  
It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Fucking Deathwish ?   
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
No   
More Replies   
  
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
_**Replying to** @oLIVEr _  
is it na na na in simlish recorded for sims 3?   
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
Obviously   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**  
  
**Webby:** how did you guess that   
  
**Archivist:** it was easy his second favorite is every snowflake is different which they performed on yo gabba gabba   
  
**Oliver:** How?   
  
**Archivist:** the same way i know that his third favorite is their cover of all i want for Christmas is you   
  
**Nikola:** Jon it’s freaky that you know that   
  
**Archivist:** it wasnt that hard to guess   
  
**Gerry:** are you guys talking about my chemical romance   
  
**Helen** : We were, yes   
  
**Gerry:** cool   
  
**Webby:** would you like to join us Gerry?   
  
**Gerry:** yes   
  
**Nikola:** Why do I get the feeling that I’m about to learn more things about mcr than I would ever want?   
  
**Gerry:** because that’s what’s about to happen, so get ready 

**Helen:** I'm scared

 **Archivist:** you should be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	23. 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter exploring the other twitters!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes they're in alphabetical order, not in the following list, in the chapter
> 
> The Twitters:   
> Jon-   
> send me cat photos√ @thecatguy  
> Jon @archivist  
> Georgie-  
> Georgie√ @whattheghost  
> Melanie-   
> Melanie√ @ghosthuntuk  
> Tim Stoker-   
> Tim @alwaysstoked  
> Gunpowder Tim-   
> GP Tim @teatime  
> Martin-   
> Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha-  
> Sasha @therealone (the real one)   
> Elias-   
> Elias√ @themagnusinstitute  
> Peter Lukas-  
> Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Annabelle Cane-   
> Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Oliver Banks-  
> Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Michael-  
> Michael @thedistortion  
> Helen-  
> Helen @thespiral   
> Nikola-   
> Nikola @plasticclown  
> Daisy-   
> Tonner @Daisy  
> Basira-   
> Basira @ashes  
> Everyone else is either an oc or another avatar

**Annabelle 🕷**  
_@webby_  
50% of women ️ and 16% of men suffer from arachnophobia, an ****irritational fear of spiders   
  
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
_**Replying to** @webby _  
Do you know how to post about anything other than spiders?   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
do you know how to not ask stupid questions?   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
Do you know how to be nice to your friends?   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
yes   
**Michael** _@thedisortion_   
Then why are you so mean to me?   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
ill let you guess   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
Oh :’(   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
im sorry, i didnt mean it   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
Really?   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
really   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
:)   


* * *

  
**Basira**  
_@ashes_  
The new season of What the Ghost is a bit strange   
  
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
_**Replying to** @ashes _  
i will fight you   
**Basira** _@ashes_   
Really?   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
She will destroy you, dude, dont do it   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
youre right but thats not whats important right now   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
It kinda is, you cant fight Basira   
**Basira** _@ashes_  
They can try   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
NO   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
YES   
  
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
_**Replying to** @ashes _  
Is it? I’d love to hear your thoughts   
**Basira** _@ashes_  
How’re you so professional, but @thecatguy is a gremlin   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
Georgie has the braincell all of the time   
**Basira** _@ashes_   
That’s not surprising at all 

* * *

  
  
**Tonner**  
_@Daisy_  
People who use camouflage are just bad hunters, just run faster   
  
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
_**Replying to** @Daisy _  
Are you implying that half the animal kingdom are terrible hunters?   
**Tonner** _@Daisy_  
I am not implying it, I am saying it, they are both lazy and cowards   


* * *

  
  
**Elias ✓**  
_@themagnusinstitute_  
The Magnus Institute is reopening again, the situation that caused it to close is now taken care of, I look forward to seeing all of you back there tomorrow   
  
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
_**Replying to** @themagnusinstitute _  
are you sure its taken care of? are you absolutely certain?   
**Elias ✓** _@themagnusinstitute_  
Ms. Cane, please refrain from threatening me on the internet   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
what threat? _@Daisy_ do you see a threat?   
**Tonner** _@Daisy_  
I do not   
**Elias ✓** _@themagnusinstitute_  
I am sorry she brought you into this Ms. Tonner   
**Tonner** _@Daisy_  
I dont mind   
Ps. 🕷 

* * *

  
**Georgie ✓**  
_@whattheghost_  
“How’s the wife?” is getting old guys, but to answer your question _@thecatguy_ and _@ghosthuntuk_ are both doing just fine   
  
**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_  
_**Replying to** @whattheghost _  
Do they not specify who they’re talking about?   
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
Never   
  
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
_**Replying to** @whattheghost _  
Dear, why are the internet people asking about me?   
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
I don’t know, Sweetheart, would you like me to ask them?   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
you would do that for me Pumpkin?   
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
Of course Snickerdoodle   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
thank you i love you, Pudding   
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
I love you too, Darling   


* * *

  
**Helen**   
_@thespiral_  
The scene where the dolls are melting from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is dream fuel   
  
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
_**Replying to** @thespiral _  
Don’t you mean nightmare fuel?   
**Helen** _@thespiral_  
No 

* * *

  
  
**Martin Blackwood**  
_@poetea_  
I made tea, like always, and I handed it out, like always, but when I gave Jon his he turned toward me and said, “I would literally die without you, thank you” and it took me a moment to realize he was talking to the tea. To. The. Tea.   
  
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
_**Replying to** @poetea _  
Its really good tea, I dont blame him   
**Sasha** _@therealone_   
I also do not blame him   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
It’s just tea?   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
That’s blasphemous   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
How? It's my tea?   
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
It’s our tea now, you don’t treat it properly   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
I make it?   
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
Yes, and you do that well, but youre a horrible father   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_   
It’s tea?!?!   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
Don’t change the subject   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
I'm Not   
More Replies

* * *

  
**Melanie ✓**  
_@ghosthuntuk_  
People will comment ‘Woah, I’ve seen gifs of these videos and I just didn’t think they were British!’ It is literally called Ghost Hunt UK, how do you miss that?   
  
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
_**Replying to** @ghosthuntuk _  
adhd   
**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_  
That’s fair 

* * *

  
  
**Michael**  
_@thedistortion_  
Sometimes I [REDACTED] people and for some reason people think it’s wrong? Why? It’s just a little [REDACTED] nothing to worry about really. In fact [REDACTED] can be a lot of fun! You should try it! Go on and [REDACTED] the first person you see!   
  
**Michael** _@thedistortion_   
_**Replying to** @thedistortion _  
And don’t worry about doing it wrong, there is no wrong way to [REDACTED] someone! All ways are good as long as you go through with the [REDACTED] ! Have fun kids and don’t forget to upload pictures from your first [REDACTED]!   


* * *

  
  
**Nikola**   
_@plasticclown_   
A few people have sent me compliments and asked how the rebirth thing works. Don’t worry my beautiful skin dolls, you will be reborn into your perfect self soon, just give it some time and remember to moisturize and go see the circus!   
  
**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_  
_**Replying to** @plasticclown _  
I am not sure whether I should be nervous or really encouraged right now   
**Nikola** _@plasticclown_  
Yes 

* * *

  
  
**Sasha**  
_@therealone_  
I am trying to follow and get to know some of my boss’ friends but this has proved to be difficult   
  
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
_**Replying to** @therealone_   
I can help!   
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
Do I have to do [REDACTED]?   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
Only if you want to   
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
On that hand, sure! Thank you!   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
You’re welcome, but please reconsider [REDACTED] as it is a lot of fun 

* * *

  
  
**GP Tim**  
_@teatime_  
_@poetea_ it is time we become friends we both have tea in our @’s   
  
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
_**Replying to** @teatime _  
I am banned from tea related things apparently   
**Jon** _@archivist_   
You are not banned from making it, please make it, and you would get along great with Tim   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
Why do you think that?   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
Martin don’t they will get all sappy   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
Too Late!   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
F**k   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
Why did you censor it?   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
I didn’t Jon turned parental controls on on my computer and I don’t know the code to fix it   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
You shouldn’t be saying those bad words Tim, now buckle up bitches because I have an itemized list with your names on it, literally   
More Replies 

* * *

  
  
**Tim**  
_@alwaysstoked_  
My life has been flipped upside down so much the last two weeks that it might as well be right side up again   
  
**Helen** _@thespiral_  
_**Replying to** @alwaysstoked _  
Be thankful Tim, we could be in _the other timeline_  
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
What does that mean Helen?   
**Helen** _@thespiral_  
Don’t worry about it   
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
I am already worried about it, what did you mean?   
**Helen** _@thespiral_  
This is Michael, Helen threw the phone at me and then ran, I now see why, try not to lose sleep over this :)   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	24. 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of the Mechs! Which is something I should have done about two months ago.  
> Also apparently Helen's name on twitter was Hell-en which is so much better and I don't know when I stopped doing that but I will edit it back to Hell-en later.
> 
> The Twitters:   
> Avatars:   
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent
> 
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked
> 
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria
> 
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute
> 
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk
> 
> The Rest Are Ocs

**🖕Michael🚪**

**Michael:** Archivist

**Jon:** Michael

**Michael** : What if we took a rollercoaster and put it underwater, but the water is actually a pool and it’s suspended over a giant cavern, and the cavern is full of giant spiky rocks covered in poison, and the there’s no antidote, not that that matters, they’re on giant pointy rocks, and the in between the spiky rocks in a snake pit that has an exit but that leads to a pit of spiders

**Michael** : Now back to the rollercoaster, all of the cars have no bars, in fact there aren’t seats either, all they have are the boot clip things on skis, so everyone is forced to stand up, which is very unsafe, but very funny, the rollercoaster is protected from the water so you won’t drown, but it is not protected from the things in the water, so any predators can still easily reach the people

**Michael:** It would be called The Grand Underwater Cavern Death Coaster and it would be free to ride, no charge, what do you think?

**Jon:** i think you sound very bored and that you have a very wild imagination

**Michael:** But do you like it?

**Jon:** in some very messed up corner of my brain? yes 

**Michael:** Thank you, Archivist, I worked very hard on it, I even have concept art, would you like to see it?

**Jon:** sure

**Michael:** Yay!

**Michael:** _**[Photo ID: A crudely drawn picture of a rollercoaster encased in water hanging above a large pit full of spikes that are covered in something green, underneath and between are a bunch of snakes which are in reality a bunch of colorful squiggles with angry eyebrows, through them is a small trapdoor which leads to the second pit full of spiders, the spiders just look like fuzzy circles, inside of the roller coaster cars are a bunch of people who look terrified for their lives, there are at least five or so people falling to their deaths, inside the water are a bunch of sea creatures swimming at the people and even eating a few, there are strange blotches of read everywhere, it is all completely drawn in crayon. There are several of these photos all more disturbing than the rest]**_ __

**Jon:** theyre very lovely

**Michael:** Thank you, Archivist

**Jon:** you are very welcome 

* * *

**Tim**

_@alwaysstoked_

What do you do if you think  your boss is watching a:tla instead of working?

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @alwaysstoked_ **

You come and join him

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

We’re supposed to be working

**Jon** _@archivist_

And?

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Yeah, you’re right, I’ll be there in a second

**Jon** _@archivist_

Bring snacks

* * *

**☕Martin☕**

**Martin:** Are we going to talk about it now?

**Jon:** talk about what?

**Martin:** You know what

**Jon:** do  i ? 

**Martin:** You do

**Jon:** i gotta go

**Martin:** Jon!

* * *

**send me cat photos ✓**

_@thecatguy_

saw a cat, cried, friend asked why  i was  crying,i showed them the cat, they cried, these were all good tears, the cat was just that cute 

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

Do you have a photo of the cat?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

do you seriously think that  i can operate a phone?

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

I can see that you’re tweeting  from your phone??

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

your point is?

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

I don’t know

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

This has happened at least 15 times since we met, you’ll  have to be a bit more specific 

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

it happened last night with @thespiral

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Helen can cry?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

she cries k ool-aid

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

It’s cherry flavored

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

and it tastes a lot better than you’d think

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

I must see this, Helen would you like to come over and watch the Notebook?

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

Yes

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Sasha:** I would like to talk about some of the replies on Annabelle’s tweet Jon, they’re very strange

_**Jon has muted Sasha** _

**Martin:** Why did you do that?

**Jon:** I have this problem where I avoid things that I don’t want to deal with

**Martin:** Is that why you won’t answer my texts?

_**Jon has muted Martin** _

**Tim:** What texts?

**Jon:** It’s nothing

**Tim:** Alright?

**Tim:** Are you done talking to Elias now?

**Jon:** Yep! I will be back downstairs in a minute

* * *

**send me cat photos ✓**

_@thecatguy_

I got another pen

[ _ **Photo ID: A bright pink fountain pen sitting on a wooden surface, probably a desk]**_ __

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

How many do you have now?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

i have no clue, but  i will count them when  i get home

**Cat Guy Is The Best** _@rachelisrad_

Thank you

* * *

**RL**

_@Cognizi_

How do you use twitter, _@ashes_

**Basira** _@ashes_

**_Replying to @Cognizi_ **

No clue _@teatime_ how do you use twitter

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

How should I know _@plasticclown_ how do you use twitter

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

I’m not sure _@drumbot_ how do you use twitter

**Brian** _@drumbot_

I haven’t used it in years, so I don’t know _@fiddlemethis_ how do you use twitter

**Marius** _@fiddlemethis_

How am I supposed to know? _@IvyAlexandria_ How do you use twitter

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

I don’t have the faintest idea _@thecatguy_ how do you use twitter

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

poorly

**RL** _@Cognizi_

thanks

* * *

**send me cat photos ✓**

_@thecatguy_

_@rachelisrad_ i started to count the pens and gave up after like thirty,  i have over thirty

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

You couldn’t get past thirty?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

i got distracted

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

By what?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

my cats

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

That’s fair, and speaking of your cats, when can I come by and meet them?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

whenever 

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

Great! I can’t wait to meet your new partner!

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**Jon:** why do you all hate me?

**Ivy:** I don’t hate you, I just find your current  predicament to be amusing

**Brian:** What she said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Disclaimer: All of the Mechs are going by their fake names from the band, except for Jon and Tim obviously since that is their real names, this means they will be representing those characters and are no way connected to the actors playing them, which means they will be using the names and pronouns from the band and the stories on the bands website, this is not including Basira or Nikola (Ashes and The Toy Soldier).
> 
> Also I realized that since I set this in like 2017 or whatever the Death to the Mechanisms concert hasn't happened yet, but it will...


	25. 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, I am going to be honest with you, I sat down to write you a good, lengthy chapter that was going to make you chuckle your brains out, and then a stupid thunderstorm hit and the power went out for two hours, so I am tired, it is 3 am, you are not getting a lengthy chapter and I am truly sorry, but hopefully this very short messy chapter will make up for it
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**Annabelle 🕷**   
_@webby️_  
The blood of a Spider is light blue in color.   
  
  
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
**_Replying to @webby_**  
Does that mean yours is?   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
No   
  
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
**_Replying to @webby_**  
Tell Jon to answer his phone please   
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
well this can only end poorly   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**  
  
**Webby:** _@archivist_ your boyfriend wants to speak with you   
  
**Oliver:** I do?   
  
**Gerry:** I do?   
  
**Oliver** : Wait   
  
**Gerry:** hold on   
  
**Oliver:** JON   
  
**Gerry:** JON   
  
**Archivist:** im taken boys, sorry, _@webby_ no i am avoiding him   
  
**Webby:** and that is a good plan? how?   
  
**Oliver:** What do you mean taken?   
  
**Gerry:** you’re dating yourself?!?!?!?   
  
**Archivist:** its a good plan because i dont have to be uncomfortable   
**Archivist:** and do you see all the problems that has caused me? imagine an actual relationship   
  
**Webby:** that doesnt make it a good plan   
  
**Oliver:** I can promise that none of the problems you’re facing are common problems in a normal relationship   
  
**Archivist:** stop being right Annabelle   
**Archivist** : how can you be sure?   
  
**Gerry** : i'm pretty sure most people don’t have to lie about dating themselves if they’re dating other people   
  
**Webby** : i am sorry jon, its a curse   
  
**Archivist:** well, Gerry, you dont have proof so i dont believe you   
**Archivist** : its not a curse if you enjoy it   
  
**Webby** : im not sure thats how that works   
  
**Oliver:** Have you ever been in a relationship ever?   
  
**Archivist:** YEs   
**Archivist:** i am currently in a relationship   
  
**Gerry:** with yourself   
  
**Archivist:** and?   
  
**Gerry** : Jon, tell Martin the truth and get yourself a man   
  
**Webby:** i thought you wanted to be his boyfriend   
  
**Gerry:** i'm dead   
  
**Oliver:** well I am not dead ~~(anymore)~~ and would like to date you Jon   
  
**Archivist:** maybe when i figure out the Martin thing   
  
**Nikola:** Are y’all done? Jon just tell Martin another lie   
  
**Helen:** How would that help him?   
  
**Nikola:** It wouldn’t in the long run but for today it will be fine   
  
**Archivist:** youre right Nikola thanks   


* * *

  
  
**send me cat photos uwu ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
i wovve cats okay!? :-: thats the whowe point of this page >:| i wovve those adowable wittle babies and theiw adowable wittle faces owo and i just want give them a big huggo uwu and make suwe they all know that thewye wovved because they awe,, i wove them >:V   
  
**RL** _@Conizi_  
_**Replying to@thecatguy**_  
Are you okay? Should I call a doctor?   
**send me cat photos uwu ✓** _@thecatguy_  
i just wovve cats owo and i want the whowe wowld to know!!!!!!!! : D and they dont know yet but they need to know!!!1!11!! >:D   
**RL** _@Cognizi_  
I’m coming over   
**send me cat photos uwu ✓** _@thecatguy_  
Waphaewwa its fine,, ^w^ im fine!!!!! i just want all the kitties to be happy you know!? :o thewes so many kitties who dont get wovve and i want them to know i love them!!!1!!11! owo   
**RL** @Cognizi   
You need to focus on the two cats you already have, also I am still planning on coming over   
**send me cat photos uwu ✓** _@thecatguy_  
okay Waphaewwa!!1!!!11!1 i will see you soon \>w</,, i looove uu!1!!   
**RL** _@Cognizi_  
I love you too 

* * *

  
  
**The Mechanisms**  
  
**Cognizi:** Hi, please check Jon’s twitter, the cat stan account one, and if your free please join me at his flat   


* * *

  
  
**send me cat photos ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
so my friends came over and made me finally go to sleep for the first time in about four days....   
anyways, please forget everything i said early   
  
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
_**Replying to @thecatguy**_  
[Proof that @thecatguy is a furry](https://youtu.be/DLzxrzFCyOs) I WILL NEVER forget   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
why? why would you do this?   
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
Because the world deserves the truth   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
but im not a furry?   
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
20 pages of proof disagrees with you   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
20 pages? Really?   
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
Yep   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
i think i need to go reevaluate a few things   


* * *

  
  
**☕Martin☕**   
  
**Martin:** Jon   
  
**Jon:** fine! youre right! Annabelle isnt my girlfriend, but i cant tell you who it is   
  
**Martin:** why not?   
  
**Jon:** because they dont want you to know   
  
**Martin:** Me specifically?   
  
**Jon** :…   
**Jon:** Yeah, you and Tim and Sasha cant know   
  
**Martin:** why? Do we know them?   
  
**Jon** : you could say that   
**Jon:** Martin?   
**Jon** : What are you doing? 

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**  
  
**Martin:** I think Jon’s dating Elias 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Say what you want but Jon avoiding telling the truth and just being vague is very canon
> 
> Shoutout to my sister who typed the stuff in 'owo' for me
> 
> I feel like I needed to say something but I don't remember what it was


	26. 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all seemed to like that last line quite a bit, thank you
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**  
  
**Tim** : what are you talking about?   
  
**Sasha:** We’ve met Annabelle, remember?   
  
**Martin** : Annabelle can’t be thecatguy   
  
**Tim:** why   
  
**Martin:** Because I follow her on twitter   
  
**Sasha** : So? Maybe she had two accounts   
  
**Martin:** and she just interacts with her second account? Do you seriously just talks to herself on the internet   
  
**Tim:** no 

* * *

  
  
**Jon**  
_@archivist_  
My ears are burning   
  
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
**_Replying to @archivist_**  
same   


* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

  
**Martin:** that and Jon admitted that he wasn’t actually dating her   
  
**Sasha:** He what?   
  
**Martin:** He said he wasn’t dating her and that she was just there because his real partner doesn’t want us, as in us three, to know who it really is and so I asked if we knew them and he set sort of   
  
**Tim:** and you just assumed it was Elias?   
  
**Sasha:** yeah it could be someone else   
  
**Martin:** like who?   
  
**Tim:** Georgie? 

* * *

  
**Georgie ✓**  
_@whattheghost_  
_@archivist_ Okay now my ears are burning too   


* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**  
  
**Martin:** she’s dating Melanie   
  
**Sasha:** so?   
  
**Martin:** Okay, but also she talks to thecatguy all the time too   
  
**Tim:** maybe it is Melanie   


* * *

  
  
**Melanie ✓**  
_@ghosthuntuk_  
Is there something going around or something? 

* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**  
  
**Sasha:** I don’t know they act an awful lot like siblings   
  
**Tim:** I don’t know I kinda see it   
  
**Sasha:** I don’t. What about Basira or Daisy? 

* * *

  
  
**Basira**  
_@ashes_  
What’s going on?   
  
**Tonner** _@Daisy_  
**_Replying to @ashes_**  
I would also like to know   


* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**  
  
**Martin:** They’re gay   
  
**Sasha:** oh yeah   
**Sasha:** what about Tim?   
  
**Tim:** I would tell you if it was me   
  
**Sasha:** No the other Tim that he’s known since college   


* * *

  
  
**GP Tim**  
_@teatime_  
_@archivist_ stop passing your ear burning disease around   
  
**Jon** _@archivist_  
**_Replying to @teatime_**  
I didn’t mean to   


* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**  
  
**Martin:** I don’t know, why wouldn’t he want us to know about it?   
  
**Tim:** He wouldn’t I guess, there’s not really a reason for it   
  
**Sasha:** I see why you assumed it was Elias now   
  
**Martin:** Right? 

* * *

  
  
**Jon**  
_@archivist_  
_@alwaysstoked @poetea @therealone_ Why are you all just sitting at your desks staring at your phones?   
  
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
**_Replying to @archivist_**  
I’m texting Martin   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_   
I’m texting Sasha   
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
And I am texting Tim   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
You’re sitting in the same room?   
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
Yes and?   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
You could just talk to each other   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
We could but why should we?   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
Because you should use your voice while you still have one   
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
Jon what does that mean?   
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
Why is that so threatening?   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
I am concerned   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
As you should be   


* * *

  
  
**🤮Elias🤮**  
  
**Elias** : Why is Tim asking me if we’re dating? I thought you were dating Annabelle Cane   
  
**Jon:** i will explain in a moment but i have a question first   
  
**Elias** : What is it?   
  
**Jon:** how angry would you be if i murdered my assistants?   
  
**Elias:** Gertrude did   
  
**Jon:** okay   
  
**Elias:** Are you going to explain now or after the murders?   
  
**Jon:** after   


* * *

  
  
**⛵Peter⛵**  
  
**Jon:** i need everything you have on Elias   
  
**Peter:** 1\. You can’t have everything I need that for future divorces. 2. I am emailing you a couple files. 3. Why?   
  
**Jon:** he knows my secret   
  
**Peter:** That you are dating yourself?   
  
**Jon:** yeah, i just got the files by the way, thanks, i love you   
  
**Peter** : I know   


* * *

  
  
**send me cat photos ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
my cat has betrayed me and so have my friends   
  
**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
**_Replying to @thecatguy_**  
Now you know how I feel when the Admiral picks you over me   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
i am very sorry   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**  
  
**Archivist:** _@Nikola_ i took your advice and now they think i am dating Elias   
**Archivist:** and do you know what Elias is?   
**Archivist:** a simp   
**Archivist:** for an eyeball   
**Archivist:** hes an eye-simp   
  
**Nikola:** I am so sorry sweet heart   
  
**Archivist:** its okay, but i may need your help hiding the bodies   
  
**Nikola** : Just tell me when, hiding bodies is what I do best   
  
**Archivist:** i know   
  
**Annabelle:** does Elias know?   
  
**Archivist:** he knows everything   
  
**Oliver:** Everything?   
  
**Archivist:** well except for my actual twitter handle there was no way i was giving him that   
  
**Helen** : Well what are you going to do about that?   
  
**Archivist:** Peter has sent me a few files with about 100 pages worth of blackmail   
  
**Annabelle** : and here i thought he didnt love you back   
  
**Archivist:** did he say that?   
  
**Oliver:** No   
  
**Archivist:** oh okay good   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> I know the word simp is dying down and becoming a bit annoying but my sister insisted on that joke and honestly I think it's funny
> 
> oh and if you don't get the ear joke there's just a thing where that if someone is speaking about you behind your back your ears will burn, I don't know if that's also a British thing or not but it's kinda like the anime thing where they sneeze when someone is talking about them


	27. 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spot the joke from the Mechanisms fiction and I'll... do something 
> 
> The Web In Canon: *tortures people, doesn't let them think for themselves, is horrible*  
> The Web In This: *is purely represented by Annabelle Cane and she is wholesome*
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**send me cat photos ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
the only reason i havent murdered anyone yet is that they dont allow cats in prison   
  
**Marius** _@fiddlemethis_  
**_Replying to @thecatguy_**  
How do you know?   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_   
common sense   
**Marius** _@fiddlemethis_  
Okay but how can you be sure?   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
_@ashes_ do they allow cats in prison?   
**Basira** _@ashes_   
They do not   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
see?   
**Tonner** _@Daisy_  
_@ashes_ why are you lying to them?   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  


* * *

  
  
**🤮Elias🤮**  
  
**Jon:** hey   
**Jon** : do you remember that im friends with Peter and he has a ton of dirt on you   
**Jon:** do you?   
  
**Elias** : Get to the point Jon   
  
**Jon:** okay, fine, i need your help with the others since they think were together   
  
**Elias:** And you’re going to blackmail me to get me to help you?   
  
**Jon:** yeah pretty much   
  
**Elias:** And you got stuff to blackmail me with from Peter Lukas?   
  
**Jon:** yep   
  
**Elias:** Okay fine what do you want me to do?   
  
**Jon:** thats it? thats all it took?   
  
**Elias:** he’s my ex-husband Jon, he knows things about me that I’d rather others didn’t   
  
**Jon:** fair   
  
**Elias:** Now what do you want me to do?   
  
**Jon:** this is going to be complicated so try and keep up 

* * *

  
  
**Martin Blackwood**  
_@poetea_  
I have seen a lot of things, a lot of messed up things, but the thing I just saw is so much worse than anything I could have possibly imagined   
  
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
**_Replying to @poetea_**  
Right? I feel violated   
  
**Sasha** _@therealone_  
**_Replying to @poetea_**  
Do you know where the bleach is? I have to wash away the memory   
  
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
**_Replying to @poetea_**  
What happened?   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
Jon   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
What about Jon?   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
He said he didn’t want any tea   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
Oh. Wow, is he alright?   
**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_  
I’m not sure   


* * *

  
**Jon**  
_@archivist_  
@all my friends and the two strangers who messged me: I’m fine, just dehydrated, so I was drinking water instead  
  
**Hell-en** _@thespiral_  
**_Replying to @archivist_**  
Were you drinking from a water bottle?   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
Yes   
**Hell-en** _@thespiral_  
Was it a reusable water bottle?   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
Of course   
**Hell-en** _@thespiral_  
Good, you’re safe   
~~For now~~  


* * *

  
  
**🚔Basira🔥**  
  
**Basira:** I might need you help with a problem   
  
**Jon:** what kind of problem?   
  
**Basira:** A strange one, I’ll let you know in a moment, hold on   
  
**Jon:** okay   


* * *

  
  
**send me cat photos ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
we all know Nikola ( _@plasticclown)_ can sing, but did you know that _@Cognizi_ can also sing?   


**RL** _@Cognizi_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

What? You’re just not going to link [my bandcamp](https://youtu.be/eh7lp9umG2I)

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

i apologize madame, please forgive me

**RL** _@Cognizi_

You are forgiven

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

yay

  
**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_  
**_Replying to️ @thecatguy_**  
how come you have so many talented friends?   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
luck i think   


* * *

  
  
**GP Tim**  
_@teatime_   
It’s teatime for the kittens!   
  
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
**_Replying to @teatime_**  
i said to watch them not pump them full of caffeine   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
Really? Because that’s how I heard it   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
you need to get your ears checked then   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
Perhaps, but the kittens are still having tea with me   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
those are my children, do not hurt them   
**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
I would never, it’s just a little tea   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
fine, but ive got my eyes on you   


* * *

  
  
**🤮Elias🤮**  
  
**Elias:** You do realize that to go through with your plan you actually have to be here, right?   
  
**Jon:** yeah something came up   
  
**Elias:** And what is that ‘something’?   
  
**Jon:** not sure i want you to know yet   
  
**Elias:** Jon if you won’t tell I will just look   
  
**Jon:** you cant   
  
**Elias:** why not?   
  
**Jon:** its too dark   


* * *

  
  
**🌼Daisy🌼**  
  
**Daisy:** you here?   
  
**Jon:** im about to be   
  
**Daisy:** good the kids getting ansty   
  
**Jon:** can you blame him?   
  
**Dasiy:** not really   
  
**Jon:** what happened anyway?   
  
**Daisy:** long story I’ll explain when you get here   
  
**Jon** : alright 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> this chapter kinda just serves to set things up but I hope y'all like it


	28. 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another vague chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very much hope that y'all catch on this chapter because that means I've given you enough information, but I also hope you don't figure it out, it's a problem
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**RL**

_@Cognizi_

Congratulations! _@archivist_ & _@thecatguy_

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @Cognizi_ **

thanks

* * *

**GP Tim**

_@teatime_

Im proud of you _@thecatguy_ even though I am sure this will go poorly

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @teatime_ **

I’m feeling the love

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

As you should, because I love you, but  also I have zero faith in you

* * *

**Marius**

_@fiddlemethis_

I don’t know why you thought this would be a good idea _@thecatguy_ but good for you

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @fiddlemethis_ **

i  dont know either but  its a thing now

* * *

**Alexa play Dead!**

_@oLIVEr_

_@thecatguy_ Why do you keep putting yourself in situations like these? 

**send me cat photos** **✓** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @oLIVEr_ **

i have no  self-respect and even less  self-control

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

You should probably go to therapy

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

so should you

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

This  isn't about me

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

it is now

* * *

**Hell-en**

_@thespiral_

This is AMAZING! _@thecatguy_ you’re going to do great! maybe

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

thanks Helen... i think

* * *

**Michael**

_@thedistortion_

I know everyone seems to have mixed feeling about the current situation, but I think it’s hilarious

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @thedistortion_ **

I’m sure you do

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

I do! I can’t wait to watch it all go  downhill !

**Jon** _@archivist_

Thanks

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

Not because of you though, you’ll be fine, just because the world seems to hate you

**Jon** _@archivist_

Does it? I hadn’t noticed

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

Good thing I pointed it out then! Good luck, archivist!

* * *

**Nikola**

_@plasticclown_

_@thecatguy_ fresh skin?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @plasticclown_ **

you are now banned from my house

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

I was just kidding! I wouldn’t do something like that!

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

fine but  youre on thin ice

* * *

**Georgie ✓**

_@whattheghost_

_@thecatguy & @archivist_ Congrats!! But  also you aren’t allowed to make any more decisions without me

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @whatthghost_ **

Yes ma’am 

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @whattheghost_ **

i can make my own decisions

**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

Are you sure about that?

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

no

* * *

**Melanie ✓**

_@ghosthuntuk_

I think the new video will be about whatever possessed _@archivist_ to do what they just did

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @ghosthuntuk_ **

Her name is Basira

**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

Our Basira?

**Jon** _@archivist_

And Daisy

**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

Huh? Why’d they do that?

**Jon** _@archivist_

Check your messages

**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

Why?

**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

Oh okay

* * *

**Brian**

_@drumbot_

_@thecatguy_ Congrats! Though I am a bit surprised you beat the rest of us to it

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to @drumbot** _

whats that supposed to mean?

**Brian** _@drumbot_

you just  dont seem like the type

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

ive gotten that a lot today

* * *

**BOOKS!!**

_@IvyAlexandria_

Good for you _@thecatguy_

(p.s. I have some books for you)

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @IvyAlexandria_ **

thank you!

(what kind of books?)

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

You’re welcome

(books to help with your...current situation)

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

if theyre what i think they are i dont want them

( im kidding please give me the books, i crave knowledge)

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

They're exactly what you think they are :)

(same) 

* * *

**Annabelle 🕷**

_@webby_

you are officially an old man _@thecatguy_

**send me cat photos** **✓** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @webby_ **

i have been an old man since  i was eight years old

* * *

**Martin Blackwood**

_@poetea_

There is a 12 year old kid in the archives, he is cussing Tim out

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

_**Replying to @poetea** _

What did Tim do?

**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

Asked for his name

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

That’ll do it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> there was something important I needed to add here and I don't know what it was


	29. 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> huh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very minor spoiler for mag173
> 
> the beginning sucks I had to rewrite it(for reasons) and so the play off wasn't as good
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**Work Chat**

**Tim** : does anyone know who’s kid that was?

**Sasha** : nope

**Martin:** no, sorry

**Jon** : he’s mine

**Tim** : he’s what?

**Jon** : my kid

**Sasha:** how

**Jon:** what do you mean how?

**Tim:** how is he your son?

**Jon:** when two people love each other very much... need I go on?

**Sasha:** he doesn’t look like you?

**Jon:** that happens

**Martin:** you’re saying he’s your biological son?

Jon: yep

**Martin:** and that’s the truth?

**Elias:** He’s adopted

**Jon:** no I adopted him

**Tim:** Elias how do you know that?

**Elias:** ; )

* * *

**🤮Elias🤮**

**Jon:** i still hate you

**Elias:** I know

**Jon:** im only doing this because i have to 

**Elias:** I know

**Jon** : i was just reminding you

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

_**Archivist added Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** _

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** thats a lame pun

**Daisy:** I see you’ve added Callum

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** youre the cop lady right?

**Daisy:** yeah

**Webby:** _@archivist_ is this your son?

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** ive known them for like a day 

**Archivist:** yes, yes he is

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** im not calling you dad

**Archivist:** thats fine  i prefer Jon anyways

* * *

**Tonner**

_@Daisy_

_@ashes_ we may have created a monster

**Basira** _@ashes_

**_Replying to @Daisy_ **

I was worried about that

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @Daisy_ **

This really is your fault

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** jon explained the rules already, btw, so here: 

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:**

**Archivist:** thank you

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** you have problems

**Archivist:** im not the one in therapy

**Nikola:** You probably should be

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** you should come with me  jon it might be fun

**Archivist:** i am coming with you,  i have to take you

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : oh yeah

* * *

**Sasha**

_@therealone_

Life is strange and I don’t know what’s happening anymore

**Cthulhu** **, my love** _@ilurkinthedark_

**_Replying to @therealone_ **

same

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedark_

you ever meet someone so lame you want to cry

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @ilurkinthedark_ **

_@alwaysstoked_

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedark_

thats who  i was talking about yeah

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

Wow

* * *

**Work Chat**

**Tim:** is  ilurkinthedark the kid’s twitter?

**Jon:** yeah

**Tim:** that makes more sense

**Tim** : still don’t  appreciate being called lame

**Tim:** but it makes more sense

**Jon:** it's not my fault that you’re lame

**Tim:** why are you like this?

**Jon:** I think it stems from my childhood trauma

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** _@archivist_ can i ask you a question?

**Archivist:** you just did

**Daisy:** oh no the dad jokes have started

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** are you actually dating that man who looks like the embodiment of  capitalism?

**Archivist** : no

**Webby:** wait are you seriously telling people that youre dating elias?

**Archivist:** yes

**Webby** : youre an idiot

**Archivist:** i know

**Archivist:** _@Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX_ why do you ask?

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** i dont like him 

**Nikola** : Smart move, kid

**Archivist** : no one likes him, not really

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** then why are you ‘dating’ him?

**Archivist** : if you come to my office ill explain everything

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedark_

being an adult must be the worst you guys worry about the dumbest things

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** jon is an idiot

**Webby:** we know

**Oliver:** I’m glad  Callum is here to keep you in check Jon

**Archivist:** no  hes just stating facts

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** but  its fine because i dont like that guy so im glad he  isnt going to be living with us

**Peter:** You should be, Elias carries none of his own weight, he’d do terrible at sea

**Archivist:** PETER!!

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX: i** feel like  im missing something here

**Webby:** i wouldnt worry about it if i were you

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** that makes me want to worry about it

* * *

**🛶Tim 🛶**

**Tim:** so are you and Elias actually together?

**Jon:** i plead the fifth? 

**Tim:** we’re British

**Jon:** im also a us citizen

**Tim:** now that’s just not true

**Jon:** how would you know?

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

[ https://youtu.be/4Hz3RpiljFk ](https://youtu.be/4Hz3RpiljFk)

_**send me cat photos √** @thecatguy_

**_Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness_ **

im worried about you

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

The cats seem to like their new friend

**_[Photo ID: A picture of a kid lying face down on a couch, he is wearing a hoodie and some jeans, on his back are two kittens, one is an orange tabby cat and the other is all black, they are asleep]_ **

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedark_

**_Replying to @archivist_ **

no! i have a reputation to maintain

**Jon** _@archivist_

what reputation?

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedark_

you  wouldnt understand

* * *

**Work Chat**

Tim: what’s the kid’s name?

**Jon** : Callum

**Tim:** okay thanks

**Tim:** Callum locked me in the supply closet btw

**Jon:**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> this one is more of a 'develop the new character' kind of thing which I've done in the past
> 
> and yes, Jon has shifted all the way into dad mode


	30. 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. this is very late and probably shorter than it should be considering how long it took me to actually get it done( I mean I wrote it in like less than an hour)  
> 2\. I recommend Hannibal if you want another horror show to watch or whatever, it's funny and has a perfect ending, that is if you don't mind watching a show about a cannibalistic serial killer  
> 3\. someone asked if Jon actually adopted Callum and its more of a 'we found this kid at a crime scene and he has no where to go' and then Basira was like 'weeell actually' and they ran a quick background check on him or whatever so basically he IS his legal guardian but he has not yet adopted him fully
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**Work Chat**  
  
**Martin:** Callum has apparently chosen me as his target today   
  
**Sasha** : Why do you say that?   
  
**Martin:** He walked past Tim, flipped him off, and then came and sat by desk   
  
**Jon:** kids are cute like that   
  
**Tim:** has he actually said anything to you?   
  
**Martin:** No, but occasionally he will glance up at me, sigh, and shake his head   
  
**Sasha:** why?   
  
**Martin:** I don’t know   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**  
  
**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** i cant do it   
  
**Webby:** do what?   
  
**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** mess with martin he just reminds me of a big teddy bear   
**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** and not even im that cruel   


* * *

  
  
**Jon**  
_@archivist_  
_@alwaysstoked_ hates kids for some reason. I mean what kind of jerk hates kids? 

  
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
**_Replying to @archivist_**  
No, I dont hate ALL kids, its just yours   
**Jon** _@archivist_  
My kid is a perfect angel   
**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_  
Your kid is throwing things at the back of my head   
  


* * *

  
  
**Cthulhu, my love**  
_@ilurkinthedarkness_  
playing a game called, ‘how many times can i throw something at the back of this guys head before he screams and storms off’   
  
**Luigi is my senpai** _@mariofingsucks_  
**_Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness_**  
how many times did it take?   
**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_  
15 

* * *

  
  
**send me cat photos ✓**  
_@thecatguy_  
why are so many people dming me about a kid? i do not have a human child?   
  
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
**_Replying to @thecatguy_**  
But _@archivist_ does   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
good for them?   
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
Aren’t you two together?   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
dont be absurd, ive never met that man in my life   
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
You've posted pictures of them   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
can you prove that?   
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
I mean, yes, I can   
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
do it then   
**Soft Taco** _@burrito_  
_**[Photo ID: Screenshots of tweets with photos of Jon in them]**_  
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
those are obviously photoshopped   
_More Replies_  


* * *

  
  
**Georgie ✓**  
_@whattheghost_  
All @thecatguy know is love cat, be friend, eat hot chip, and lie   
  
**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_  
**_Replying to @whattheghost_**  
_;)_   


* * *

  
  
**Michael**  
_@thedistortion_  
I am very confused   
  
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
_**Replying to @thedistortion**_  
Don’t you live in a constant state of confusion?   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
Yes   
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
Then how is right now any different?   
**Michael** _@thedistortion_  
I never said it was   
**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_  
I-   
alright then   


* * *

  
  
**Avatars? More Like Avastars**  
  
**Oliver:** Jon I don’t know what you’re playing at but does it mean you’re back on the market?   
  
**Archivist:** no i was really tired when i wrote that   
  
**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : you shouldve seen them   
**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** they just kept laughing   
**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** it was almost scary   
  
**Webby:** jon, weve talked about the whole not sleeping thing   
  
**Nikola** : Actually I can explain that   
**Nikola:** I kept them up going over plans for something   
  
**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : i got to help, didnt understand most of it though   
  
**Gerry:** what are you planning?   
  
**Archivist:** thats a secret   
  
**Nikola** : a BIG secret   
  
**Oliver:** wow a big one huh?   
  
**Archivist:** yep   


* * *

  
  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**   
  
**Martin** : you know what I just realized   
  
**Tim:** What?   
  
**Martin:** Jon and Elias leave at the same time almost everyday   
  
**Sasha:** oh my God 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Also I started another fic called: So Know The Void Is Screaming Mad and its a Mechs/Penumbra crossover


	31. 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PICTURES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously this one is shorter because I don't want to mess with the photos and a whole bunch of formatting
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**send me cat photos √**

_@thecatguy_

time for my monthly cleaning of my dms

starting with the average cat photos

**** ~~~~

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

_ More Replies  _

* * *

**send me cat photos √**

_@thecatguy_

now for the ‘if  it fits  i sits’ portion

_Replies_

* * *

**send me cat photos √**

_@thecatguy_

the cosplay cats

_Replies_

* * *

**send me cat photos √**

_@thecatguy_

and finally the photos my friends send me to make me cry _@IvyAlexandria_ stop using your cat as a bookmark

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

No, I don’t think I will

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

why are you like this?

**BOOKS!!** _@IvyAlexandria_

Why _aren’t you_ like this

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

_@ashes_ this isnt funny how did he get there?

**Basira** _@ashes_

I don’t know, it’s not my cat

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to @thecatguy** _

_@drumbot_ she could cut her tongue on that!

**Brian** _@drumbot_

I wouldn’t let that happen

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

good! now please stop sending me art/photoshopped pictures of what you think a realistic octokitten would look like all of them are disturbing 

**Brian** _@drumbot_

You  can not stop my creative genius

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

_@webby @teatime @plasticclown @Daisy @whattheghost & @ghosthuntuk_ stop sending me pictures of  furries and asking if  its me

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

Im not stopping until you respond

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

why do you hate me?

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

I do all of this out of love mate

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

_@thedistortion & @thespiral_ im not sure i can show yours on the internet

**Michael** _@thedistortion_

Why?

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

i dont want anyone  whos high to see them those pictures cause a whole different out of body experience

**Hell-en** _@thespiral_

That’s fair

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

_@oLIVEr_ im not upset with yours (as long as the paints okay for the cat) but yours didn’t fit anywhere else and you _are_ my friend

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

So, what  you're saying is I’m your favorite friend?

**send me cat photos √** _@thecatguy_

no thats still Georgie

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

I should’ve known

**send me cat photos** **√** _@thecatguy_

yeah, you should have

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

_**Webby Kicked Archivist From The Chat** _

* * *

**🕸️Annabelle🕸️**

**Annabelle:** dont ask ill add you back in a bit

**Jon** :okay?

* * *

** Avatars? More Like Avastars  **

**Oliver:** why’d you do that?

**Webby:** because  jon does not need to know about the conversation were about to have

**Gerry:** what conversation?

**Webby:** about  olivers feelings on being publicly friendzoned

**Oliver:** oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just keep making the plot even more convoluted huh?  
> And YES! WE WILL BE EXPLORING OLIVER'S FEELINGS BECAUSE I SAID SO  
> also Annabelle is good friend Jonny can fight me (I mean he'd probably win, but I would put up a good fight I think)
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> there were more photos originally and then I realized how terrible this chapter would be for mobile users


	32. 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahaha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one night? I haven't done that in months!!
> 
> this is mostly chats I am not sorry
> 
> and also this fic is a romcom now not that it wasn't already

** Avatars? More Like Avastars  **

**Webby:** so how did it make you feel oliver?

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** :  id rather not be present for this

**Webby** : then mute the chat and go bother somebody

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** **:** like who?

**Nikola:** Tim

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** thats a good idea

**Webby:** okay now you can share _@Oliver_

**Oliver:** This is stupid

**Helen:** your feelings aren’t stupid Oliver

**Oliver:** I know that

**Oliver:** I’m saying this conversation is stupid

**Webby:** im just trying to make sure youre okay

**Oliver:** I know, but this isn’t exactly the first time Jon has called me his friend

**Oliver:** I know where I stand and it’s somewhere between Nikola and Martin

**Nikola:** You say that like I’ve never gone on a date with Jon

**Gerry:** have you

**Nikola:** I don’t kiss and tell

**Oliver:** Actually, you know what? After that I do feel kind of bad

**Nikola:** sorry

**Oliver:** You’re fine

**Michael:** wait

**Webby:** yes?

**Michael:** I thought Oliver’s feelings for Jon was a joke like  about how Jon says he loves Peter

**Helen:** neither of those things are a joke

**Helen:** Jon should probably see a therapist about that

**Oliver:** Jon needs to see a therapist about a lot of things

**Oliver** : and it did start as a joke, it’s just bloomed into something else

**Webby** : you need to tell him that

**Oliver:** no I don’t 

**Gerry:** yeah you do

**Oliver:** I do not have to tell Jon anything

**Webby:** not unless he asks

**Oliver:** Well, yeah, duh

**Oliver:** oh wait

**Oliver:** Annabelle I swear if you tell him to ask me

**Webby:** i wouldnt do that

**Webby:** you two need to have a genuine heart to heart about this

**Oliver:** did you perhaps forget his whole ‘dating myself thing’ or his rather massive crush on Martin?

**Webby:** i never forget anything

**Webby:** and those are both problems  i cannot fix

**Webby:** ive tried

**Webby:** with the dating himself thing not the martin thing

**Helen:** I think Jon likes you too Oliver

**Oliver:** do you?

**Helen:** yeah I do 

**Oliver:** good for you then

**Michael:** stop being passive aggressive towards Helen she didn’t do anything

**Oliver:** fine

**Michael:** now apologize

**Oliver:** I’m sorry Helen

**Helen:** It’s chill

**Nikola:** Oliver, as the only person here who has known Jon since  before, he was the archivist and at his most human state, I advise you to have a talk with him

**Oliver** : Usually I would trust you on all things Jon, but not now

**Nikola:** Fuck you too 

**Oliver** : <3

**Webby:** this has gotten out of hand

**Michael** : nothing gets out of my hands

**Helen:** I was about to say that!

**Michael:** Should’ve typed faster

**Webby** : both of you stop

**Webby:** oliver talk to  jon or  im going to do it for you

**Oliver:** you wouldn’t actually do that

**Oliver:** would you?

**Webby:** is the sky blue?

**Oliver:** Um..

**Oliver** : _@Mike_

**Oliver** : is it?

**Mike** : yes

**Webby:** stop that and go get yourself a man before  i do it for you

**Webby:** and its a lot less adorable if i do it

**Oliver:** Fine

* * *

**send me cat photos ✓**

_@thecatguy_

my friends have kicked me out of our chat now  i am the big sad

**Georgie** **✓** _@whattheghost_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

You are literally texting me a bunch of  lasagna recipes and talking about what your cats did this morning, you aren’t that sad

**send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

1.i hate that thats how you  gauge my sadness 2.  youre right  im just really curious and not knowing things upsets me

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby:** _@Nikola_ did you screenshot everything Oliver said?

**Nikola:** Yep!

**Oliver:** what?

**Webby:** great, now  im going to delete the last fifty or so messages and add  jon back

**Helen:** sounds good!

* * *

**😐Oliver⚰️️**

**Oliver:** Two things

**Oliver** : The first thing, did you and Nikola actually go on a date?

**Jon:** i  dont kiss and tell

**Oliver:** Alright then

**Jon** :  whats the second thing?

**Oliver:** I need to talk to you,  preferably alone

**Jon** : so no  Callum then?

**Oliver:** Yeah 

**Jon:** okay,  ill see if someone can watch him and then we can go get tea or something 

**Oliver:** Sounds good

**Jon** : ill text you the location,  i promise they have good tea

**Oliver:** Don’t worry I believe you. You’re a bigger tea snob then any of us

**Jon** : that would be offensive if it wasnt toward me, you know

**Oliver:** Yeah, I️ know

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**Jon** : can someone babysit for me?

**Nikola:** why got a date?

**Jon** : no? im just meeting up with Oliver

**Tim:** Jon,  youre an idiot

**Jon:** i know but why are you reminding me

**Brian:** Oliver is the one constantly hitting on him right?

**Marius:** yes

**Brian:** you’re an idiot Jon

**Jon:** im confused

**Nikola:** and were making it worse

**Nikola:** I can watch  Callum at your flat if you want

**Jon** : still confused

**Jon** : but please and thank you

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Jon:** is  Callum with you Martin?

**Martin:** yeah, he’s showing me how to aim at the exact center of the back of Tim’s head with a rubber band

**Tim:** that was you?!

**Martin:** some of it was, sorry

**Jon:** can you tell him to come to my office?

**Martin:** yeah

**Martin:** he’s on his way

**Sasha:** why do you need Callum?

**Jon:** I have to leave early and that means he does too

**Martin:** where are you going?

**Jon** : I have a date

**Sasha:** well have fun Jon!

**Jon:** I will

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Tim** : he just left is Elias still in his office?

**Sasha** : no, I checked

**Martin:** SEE!

**Sasha** : his secretary said he left twenty minutes before Jon did

**Tim** : it has got to be Elias

**Sasha:** but the tweets don’t make any sense

**Martin:** but they could, we don’t actually know him that well

**Tim:** you’re right

**Sasha:** we should just ask Jon

**Martin:** he wouldn’t tell us

**Tim:** Martin’s right we’re just going to have to figure this out on our own

**Sasha:** with you two helping me it might take years

**Martin:** hey!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did Nikola and Jon go out? who knows? definitely not Oliver
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> (might make the next chapter an actual written chapter but who knows lets see where the narrative takes us(I hate that I just wrote that))


	33. 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JonOliver Update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no words

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

  
**Sasha** : You know what? 

  
**Tim** : what?

  
 **Sasha** : we *could* just follow Jon

  
 **Martin** : We can't do that

  
 **Tim** : why not?

  
 **Martin** : We can't just invade his privacy like that

  
 **Sasha** : Martin this whole thing is a giant invasion of privacy

  
 **Martin** : ..

 **Martin** : I guess

  
 **Tim** : so,,, who's going to do it?

  
 **Sasha** : I'll do it you two would just bring too much attention to yourself

  
 **Martin** : you're right but do you have to be mean about it

  
 **Sasha** : Yes

* * *

  
**Cthulhu, my love**  
 _@ilurkinthedarkness_  
i always thot clowns were dumb but this ones okay _@plasticclown_  
 ** _[Photo ID: Nikola, who is facing the camera, in very 80's-esque street clothes, standing on her toes on a couch arm but only on one foot, the other foot is stuck out behind her and on it is a stack of what looks like various textbooks, a plant, the TV remote, and about fourteen VHS tapes, her right hand is in front of her throwing up a peace sign, her left arm is out to the side with her hand flat and close to the top of the couch and a kitten is climbing down it, on top of her head is a stack of throw pillows and on top of those throw pillows is another kitten who is very smug]_**

  
 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_  
 _ **Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness**_  
Thanks!! Now please get off you phone and help me put these back before your dad gets home!   
**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_  
1\. hes not my dad 2. hes going to be out for a while 3. fine  
 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_  
:))

* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

  
**Sasha** : Jon just entered this really cute cafe!!

  
 **Tim** : is Elias there?

  
 **Sasha** : I don't see him

 **Sasha** : I haven't gone inside yet, I'm going to wait until he sits somewhere

  
 **Martin** : probably your best option

  
 **Sasha** : I thought so

* * *

  
**The Mechanisms**

  
**RL** : JON! 

  
**Tim** : what'd he do this time? 

  
**RL** : He brought Oliver to my shop! 

  
**Brian** : What's so bad about that? 

  
**RL** : I personally don't like watching Jon in awkward situations

 **RL** : not when I'm only ten feet away from him

  
 **Ivy** : This is a good thing, you can now give us a first hand account about what happens

  
 **RL** : Maybe

  
 **Marius** : are you going to? Because if not I actually have to get ready for work, but if you're going to the hospital can wait another hour or so

  
 **RL** : No they can not! Go to work! 

  
**Marius** : too invested in Jon's 'love life'

  
 **Basira** : you all realize that he's going to be able to read all of these later, right? 

  
**Tim** : okay? What's he going to do? Fight us? He's not even fully awake half the time, I'd like to see him try

  
 **Basira** : I

 **Basira** : yeah, no you're right carry on

  
 **Nikola** : the fun part about babysitting is when he gets home I get all the juicy details

  
 **RL** : Well then I won't tell you what just happened

  
 **Nikola** : forget everything I said, please tell me

  
 **RL** : so Jon came in and came over and we talked for a bit before Oliver got here, because it's not like it matters because I've met Oliver before, right?

  
 **Marius** : right

  
 **RL** : but when he got here, they went to a small table away from all of the other customers and began chatting a bit

 **RL** : and who walks in not two minutes later? That lady he works with

  
 **Basira** : Sasha? 

  
**RL** : If that's her name, I just recognize her from photos Jon's showed me

  
 **Nikola** : what is she doing?

  
 **RL** : spying on Jon? Is there something between them?

  
 **Basira** : trust me when I say that there is absolutely nothing but platonic feelings between them

  
 **RL** : okay, well she's sitting a few tables from Jon and she's typing something on her phone, when I went to take her order she seemed really scared for some reason

  
 **Brian** : probably because you caught her stalking her boss

  
 **RL** : perhaps

  
 **Tim** : I'm pretty sure that's exactly what happened

  
 **RL** : you can choose to believe that. 

**RL** : anyways she kinda waved me away, I guess because she doesn't want Jon to hear her

  
 **Basira** : it's going to suck when he eventually checks his phone then huh?

  
 **RL** : yeah, didn't think of that, but for now I just gave her a pen and paper to write her order down because if she's occupying a table to spy on _my friend_ she's also giving me money

  
 **Marius** : seems fair

  
 **RL** : I thought so too

* * *

  
**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

  
**Sasha** : Jon is NOT here with Elias

  
 **Tim** : are you sure?

  
 **Sasha** : well unless Elias suddenly became taller and a whole other race I'm pretty sure

  
 **Martin** : who is it? 

  
**Sasha** : not sure

  
 **Tim** : is there anyway to find out? 

  
**Sasha** : maybe

 **Sasha** : oh my gosh

  
 **Martin** : what? 

  
**Sasha** : the barista, who I think may actually own the place, just gave me a paper and pen to order with because I didn't want to speak but now she's staring at me like I personally offended her

  
 **Tim** : what did you do? 

  
**Sasha** : Nothing!

  
 **Martin** : you obviously did something

  
 **Sasha** : well I don't know what I did then

  
 **Tim** : is it important right now? 

  
**Sasha** : I guess not? 

**Sasha** : she's taking Jon's order maybe he'll introduce the other guy 

  
**Martin** : did he? 

  
**Sasha** : hold on

* * *

Raphaella strolled up to Jon's table, shooting 'Sasha' a small glare as she walked past her. 

  
When she got there she said, "Jon, I'm assuming you want your usual?", He nodded and so she continued, "And what about your friend here?", She said it as though she had never met Oliver in her life. 

  
"Raphaella, you've met-", Jon began but she cut him off.

  
"I have to get the orders Jon, I do appreciate you doing this a bit later in the day, but I always have a swarm of teenagers that come around in about ten minutes everyday and I'd like to have everything situated when they get here"

"I'm good with some black tea", Oliver told her, sympathizing with her situation and also wanting to be able to talk to Jon. 

"Is that all?", she asked, knowing it was, if there was anything the two man in front of her had in common it was their lack of eating actual food. 

"Yeah, thanks Raph", Jon said, taking on a more casual tone that was only reserved for friends, and that was usually only if they were in private, him choosing to keep up whatever professional front that he could.

"It's no problem", Raphaella smiled and left to get the tea, shooting Sasha other glare as she walked past. 

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Sasha** : I think the lady knows Jon  
 **Sasha** : is the name Raphaella familiar to either of you?

 **Martin** : nope

 **Tim** : maybe?

 **Sasha** : I need a more definite answer than that Tim

 **Tim** : I dont know! I think he used to talk about her when we were still in research, shes his friend if its the same Raphaella

 **Martin** :I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it probably is

 **Sasha** : yeah

 **Tim** : did you find anything out about the mystery man?

 **Sasha** : he drinks black tea???  
 **Sasha** : and his voice is kinda familiar but I can't place it

 **Tim** : alright let us know when you find out more

 **Sasha** : of course

* * *

 **RL**   
_@Cognizi_   
Watching two people hash out their feeling for one another is something I do a lot, since I own a small cozy cafe, but when it's someone you know, it gets a bit weird

  
 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_  
 _ **Replying to @Cognizi**_  
i am glad i was left at home then  
 **RL** _@Cognizi_  
You should be  
 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_  
i am  
 **RL** _@Cognizi_  
You should be  
 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_  
i am  
 **RL** _@Cognizi_  
You should be  
 **More Replies**

  
 **Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
 _ **Replying to @Cognizi**_  
Do I know these people?  
 **RL** _@Cognizi_  
Yep, check your dms  
 **Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_  
Are you joking?  
 **RL** _@Cognizi_  
nope  
 **Georgie✓** _@whattheghost_  
Wow, well it's about time  
 **RL** _@Cognizi_  
You got that right

* * *

Sasha watched as Jon and the man she did not know fell into quiet conversation, talking purely under their breaths except for the few times one of them laughed. As she spied on them, she began to feel a bit guilty about the whole thing. Maybe Martin was right and this was just a giant invasion of privacy. Perhaps this wasn't even a romantic date and she was wasting her time, the two of them could just be friends, she of all people should have thought that first, she of all people knew what it was like when people assumed things about you. 

And with Raphaella shooting her the stink eye every so often, Sasha had decided to give it up and try to leave without Jon seeing her. 

Well she was going to do that, but then she looked at the man who's voice she still couldn't place, who's face she had never seen and she saw it. 

She could see the look in his eyes, it was the same way that Basira and Daisy looked at each other, and the way Jon sometimes looked at Georgie, or his cats, it was a look that had been turned her way by a few people, all of which she works with, and it was a look she saw directed at Jon so very often in Martin's eyes, and seeing this she knew, she knew that the man in front of Jon loved him,in what way she couldn't tell you, but she was going to stick around and find out. 

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Sasha** : this man is as smitten as a kitten

 **Tim** : who?

 **Sasha:** the man Jon's with?

 **Tim** : oh  
 **Tim** : are we going to have to give him the shovel talk soon?

 **Sasha** : maybe  
 **Sasha** : will update soon

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : i think i broke nikola

 **Webby** : how?

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : her arm came off

 **Webby** : how?

 **Michael** : she is a mannequin

 **Webby** : a mannequin with a layer of skin on top of the plastic 

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : yeah its kinda gross  
 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : but also really cool

 **Webby** : oh my gosh  
 **Webby** : _@Nikola_ are you okay?

 **Nikola** : yeah i guess my arm is layimh a fer feet aeay tho

 **Webby** : whats with your typing?

 **Xx_mysoulistheark_xX** : she says 'im typing with one hand and its my left hand what does she think is wrong with my typing'

 **Webby** : wow

 **Helen** : Callum, darling?

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : yes?

 **Helen** : Michael and I are on our way, could you please find us some super glue and some very sharp scissors?

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : okay

 **Helen** : You're a peach 

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : ew

 **Helen** : :)

* * *

Callum sat the sewing scissors he found in Jon's room and the super glue he also found in Jon's room on the coffee table with Nkola's arm, and then he looked up at her. 

"I know that this isn't a super big deal since it can be put back on, but I'm sorry", He told her and then as an after thought added, "I guess"

" That's alright!" Nikola spoke in her light, but far away voice, " things happen. And I should have known better than to try and lift too much at one time"

Callum looked at her questioningly. Even after staying with Jon for a little while and getting to know Nikola and some of Jon's friend (Melanie was currently his favorite but Marius was a close second since he always had some sort of candy on him), he still wasn't so used to adults being so understanding. His mom and dad weere never horrible to him but they never lt go of something so quickly, not like Nikola just had, or like how Jon did, it was confusing and he wasn't sure what the feeling that accompanied it was. 

"Okay then?", He finally said, joining her on the couch. 

"So", Nikola behan after a moment, "How do you like living here so far?"

She had already asked him this question, more than once, and he had been avoiding answering it but this time he didn't. 

"It's cool, I guess, Jon's chill, lets me do what I want as long as I don't break anything", He said, and even that was under exaggeration because he had in fact broken more than one thing since moving in and everytime Jon had just dealt with it, never getting truly angry with him. 

"Well then we should probably keep this between us, huh?", she asked, laughing, a laugh he knew was a happy one but it sounded dark anyways, and gesturing to her elbow joint where the rest of an arm should be. 

"Probably", Callum said and then thought about it, "Would he be mad?"

"Jon? No, I have only seen him get actually angry at one person in a long time and that's his boss", she told. 

"yeah, Elias sucks", he agreed and Nikola laughed again making him laugh a bit too. 

It was then that Helen and Michael showed up. 

"Sweetheart, you may want to leave the room, you've been traumatized enough for a lifetime", Helen told him, her voice full of static and her smile hurting his eyes. 

He glanced at her and then at Michael and noticed a bag in it's hand and without having to ask he knew the bag was full of skin, and so he just nodded, and left, trying very hard not to thinkabout where the skin came from and the joy he felt when he couldn't stop himself. 

His therapist was going to have a field day with this one.

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**RL** : Sasha is still herre fyi 

**Tim** : Okay but what about JonOliver

 **Marius** : Give us the deets

 **Brian** : one, never say that again  
 **Brian** : two, please tell me you are at work

 **Marius** : of course I went to work, sick kids aren't going to get better on their own are they?

 **Ivy** : depends on what they have

 **Marius** : that's true, a doctor is still their best bet though

 **Tim** : _anyway_  
 **Tim** : What is happening at the cafe?!?!

 **RL** : Nothing really they're just talking  
 **RL** : wait I am witnessing something adorable

 **Brian** : what is it??

 **RL** : I said wait

 **Brian** : fine

 **Tim** : Raph it's been five minutes what's going on?

 **RL** : they're both blushing this is adorable I think I am going to die from how pure this moment is

 **Marius** :you're talking about Jon here

 **RL** : we ALL know Jon is adorable

 **Tim** : he's going to kill you for saying that

 **RL** : he'd have to catch me first  
 **RL** : he's adorable, not fast

 **Basira** : are you going to tell us what happened?

 **RL** : Yep..

* * *

Jon was enjoying hanging out with Oliver, they didn't spend too much time with it just being the two of them and even with them being at Raphaella's cafe and Sasha, who he _knew_ was behind them, there, it was nice to just talk about whatever without the others(who he loved dearly) being around. 

But he knew that they couldn't just talk about their days or pets or horrible bosses for long and that Oliver had wanted to talk to him about something. And he knew that if he really wanted to know that he could just _ask_ , but he wasn't going to, Oliver was his friend after all. 

So he waited for the other man to bring it up and eventually he did.   
-

Oliver sighed softly and met Jon's brown eyes, noting the small ring of green around the pupils, marking him as an avatar of the eye, but even as he saw this, he smiled, ever so slightly and said, in a whisper, " This has been a ton of fun, but I did ask you out for a reason"

And he paused, and Jon paused, both immediatly noting how Oliver had worded the sentence. But even as Jon was still thinking the words over, Oliver continued. 

"I, well, there's no good way to have this conversation", he could feel his face heat up as he spoke,but he never broke eye contact with Jon, "I wanted to tell you that I like you, in a romantic way and I don't mean it as part of a bit, I really, genuinely like you, I have for a while now but I wasn't sure if you liked me too because of everything and you say I love you to everyone, and I mean I like that about you because I like everything about you, but it makes it really confusing, and I'm still not sure, but I needed to tell you beacause if I didn't I think my heart was going to explode and-"

He was cut off as Jon put a hand over his own, the touch pulling oliver out of his small tangent, and he looked down at their hands and then back up at Jon,who was smiling. It wasn't the small amused smile he saw when Jon was trying to fight back a laugh, or the wide crazy smile that appeared when he saw one of his friends. 

No, this smile was different.

It was small, and it was soft, and it was happy, and it was nervous, and it was loving. It was all of these things at once, and Oliver wasn't quite sure what to say when someone smiled at you like that. 

It turned out he didn't have to, Jon took care of it for him. 

"Would it help to ease your mind if I told you that I like you too?", Jon asked, the smile still there, only getting brighter. And along with the smile was a small blush that had spread across Jon's cheeks. 

Oliver didn't speak, he just nodded and smiled, hoping it showed all of the emotions he wanted to display, hoping it said the words that he couldn't. 

And that's all they did for a while, they just sat there, in the corner of a quiet, cozy cafe, smiling at each other and just enjoying the moment. 

Until Jon spoke and said, "You like everything about me? Even the sweater vests?"

Oliver laughed, and it was soft and airy, it was a laugh he hadn't laughed in a very long time, way back, before the dreams started and he was a different person, now he wasn't even person, not really, but he had found someone that made him feel more human, made him feel alive in a way that he could never actually be, and he was going to hold onto that and cherish it, and so, still laughing and smiling, he said, "Yes, Jon, even the sweater vests"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually I have a ton of words. Basically I don not know where this all came from, but I just finished Taz:Balance so you can blame Griffin McElroy for the sappiness because he made me feel feeling and so did all the McElroys
> 
> I'm not sure which direction I am taking the ships in this fic but JonOliver hs max cuteness levels and there's not enough of it so yeah
> 
> Tumblr: @needscaffeine
> 
> Also if Callum is 13 in canon that means that season five takes place in 2017 which would only make Jon 30 and is actually the year I chose to set this in so that's interesting I think
> 
> (Anyone notice how Martin just stopped responding? Weird huh?)
> 
> Also kinda want to write a Taz:Balance crossover but with the folks from this au because I want Angus to meet Callum because they're like the opposite of each other


	34. 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IDK man it is what it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would apologize for not updating in a while but I'll save that for later :) 
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**Work Chat (Minus Elias And Jon)**

**Sasha** : they're both blushing

 **Sasha** : oh my gosh

**Tim** : what?

**Sasha** : that was cute

**Tim** : What happened?

**Sasha** : hold on

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby** : is nikola okay???

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX:** they are working on her arm

**Michael** : Don't worry, super glue goes a _long_ way

**Webby** : super glue?

**Michael** : Yep! And some stitches, it's all good

**Webby** : do i need to come over

**Michael** : Nah, we got it

Webby: alright

* * *

"I should really get repairs done more often", Nikola said, stretching her arm out. 

"No shit Sherlock", Helen muttered while she put the remaining skin back in the bag. 

"You really need to practice better self care". Michael told her, "Even Jon is better about taking care of himself than you are"

Nikola gasped and grabbed her chest as though it's comment hurt, but was smirking as she spoke, "Now that's just not fair"

"Life's not fair, love", Helen smiled at her and then stepped through the doorway. 

"Don't let the kid die", Michael called over it's shoulder as it followed Helen. 

Nikola watched them leave and then stood to go find Callum. 

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

_@alwaysstoked_ have you ever dressed as dracula for halloween?

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

**_Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness_ **

no? why?

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

because of you last name idiot

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

I'm so mad that I never thought of that

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

this is why i hate you 

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**RL** : Oliver just got up to use the bathroom you know what that means

**Tim** : what

**RL** : Jon is checking his phone!!

**Jon** : this was mistake

**RL** : Duh

 **RL** : Did you read everything?

**Jon** : yeah but i already knew Sasha was behind me

**Basira** : are you going to do anything about it?

**Jon** : no? 

**Jon** : if she tells them it just means i dont have to

 **Jon** : also im going to one up her

**Brian** : How?

**Jon** : youll see ;)

**Marius** : now that's concerning

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : _@Nikola @Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX_ are you two okay?

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : just peachy

**Archivist** : thats weird coming from you maybe you shouldnt hang out with Helen

**Nikola** : I'm doing super fantastic! Whatever you do to Sasha add it on this chat too because f you don't I am going to have to! 

**Archivist** : i wont have to, trust me

**Webby** : did anyone else just get chills or was that just me

**Gerry** : i can't get chills

**Jane** : me neither

**Webby** : you two just love to play the dead card huh

**Gerry** : it's the only the card i have

**Jane** : me too

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Sasha** : oh they're leaving

 **Sasha** : I guess Jon is super good friends with the owner because she just told him it was on the house

 **Sasha** : and she gave him a hug and kissed his cheek but I think the free tea proves how close they are more so than any affection does

**Tim** : are you going to follow them out of there? 

**Tim** : Sasha?

**Tim** : Sasha?

**Sasha** : he knows

**Tim** : what?

**Sasha** : Jon knows

**Tim** : how?

**Sasha** : I don't know but he does

**Tim** : and how do you know?

**Sasha** : before he left he stepped back over to the table

 **Sasha** : he had forgotten his jacket

 **Sasha** : and when he had pu it on he said 

**Sasha** : "oh, and Sasha, could you tell the others hello for me?"

 **Sasha** : he never looked at me, not even when he said that

 **Sasha** : it was honestly kind of scary

**Tim** : did his friend tell him??

**Sasha** : maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that for the first time ever, I've been afraid of Jon

**Tim** : then you definitely don't know him well enough, he can be terrifying if he wants to

 **Tim** : you should have met him when he first started working at the institute

 **Tim** : right out of college, still in his punk phase, his eyeliner was enough to make you scream

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

Sometimes your date is hotter than you and you just have to deal with it _@oLIVEr_

_**[Photo ID: a picture of a man with dark brown skin taken from the waist up, he is wearing a black sweater, his dreadlocks are pulled back, they are black and fade into white near the bottom, he looks tired despite the large smile on his handsome face]** _

**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to @archivist** _

He is probably the second best looking person you've ever dated

 **Jon** _@archivist_

I'm not answering this, this is a trap

 **Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

It is, but I'm still right

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurinthedarkness_

_**Replying to @archivist** _

im turning my notifications off

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Sorry

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

yeah whatever, have fun

 **Jon** _@archivist_

:)

**Melanie✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

_**Replying to @archivist** _

how did a 5 score a 10?

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

I don't know, I guess I just got really lucky

 **Melanie✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

I am only letting you ruin my joke because of how adorable you're being

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to @archivist** _

How dare you use a photo of me smiling? I have a reputation to uphold

 **Jon** _@archivist_

But you have such a nice smile

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Thank you, but you're on thin ice

* * *

**Soft Taco**

_@burrito_

_@thecatguy_ Did you know about this?

_**[Quote Retweet of Jon's latest tweet]** _

**send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to @burrito** _

yeah

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

Is that all you have to say about it?

**send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

pretty much, its a nice picture

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

But aren't you dating _@archivist_

 **send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

fun fact: you can have more than one partner

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

Does that mean what I think it means?

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

_@thecatguy_ hello? What do you mean by that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> EXPLANATION OF WHERE I HAVE BEEN BELOW, FEEL FREE TO SKIP:
> 
> I know you guys probably don't want an explanation as to where I have been, but I feel as though I owe you one, just a little bit, but I am going to be as vague as I can, so:
> 
> Basically I have been sick (I don't have corona though, just an fyi) and was dealing with that and I have gotten some bad news but it's not life threatening, it was just causing my mood to not be super good but we have a good bit of it taken care of and the thngs we don't have taken care of we are already making plans for and I have been feeling a little better and I really wanted to update something while my mood was better, and hopefully I can ride this small high for a while.  
> (I don't want this to be taken as a 'they're just saying this so we don't get upset about them upddating' because it's not and I know none of you are like that, not when you always say such nice things)


	35. 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The media reacts?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't funny I'm sorry
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

** Trending Today  **

_1 Trending_  
 _ **#BTS**_  
301K Tweets

 _2 Trending_   
_**Shane Dawson**_  
205K Tweets

 _3 Trending_  
 ** _#TheArchivist_**  
100K Tweets

* * *

**[Transcript:**   
**[Music Plays]**

_**A Female Voice: Anonymous twitter user @thecatguy speaks out about a tweet made by the person they're supposedly dating, fans react in an unexpected, but valid way.** _

**[The Screen Goes Black And A Disclaimer Displays As The Voice Reads It, It Says "Before we begin I would like to remind everyone to be respectful and not send hate to the parties involved, this video is just to get all of the facts out there and educate people on the current situation"]**   
**[The Screen Then Shows A Photo Of A Person Sipping Tea]**

_**A Female Voice: Before I get too far into the current drama I think we will have to recap just 'Who' @thecatguy is and 'How' they got to this point** _

**[The Screen Changes To A White Background And Reads "Who Are They?"]**   
**[It shifts again to a twitter profile. The Icon is a picture of a fat tabby cat, the banner is a picture promoting "What The Ghost" the name reads "send me cat photos" there is a blue checkmark next to it, underneath the name the @ is "@thecatguy" All the bio says is "i was high when i made this but it seems to have worked out" the 'following' number is fairly low only reaching the mid twenties but the 'follower' count is in the twenty millions' there is a link that leads to the "What The Ghost" website, there is no birthday listed, but you can see that the account was made in late 2006]**

_**A Female Voice: Cat Guy, as they are often referred to as, joined the Twitter community just as it was getting started, back in 2006. They quickly became popular for their tweets about cats and how much they love them. In 2011 they were verified, and their follower account has only gotten higher since. But it is not just the cats or the memes that draw people in, it's the fact that they have remained anonymous for eleven years, the only connection they have being through Georgie Barker, the host of What The Ghost. Many have asked about their identity, but have only gotten simple replies back stating that they do not care what pronouns are used and that people can call him The Cat Guy. But recently another person was added to the few people that The Cat Guy new in real life, and that is their partner, Jonathan Sims.** _

**[A few tweets pop up on the screen as she speaks ending on a photo of Jon]**

_**A Female Voice: A few months ago Georgie Barker supposedly introduced the two of them, and though they both publicly shared their initial distaste in the other, they hit it off and began dating soon after. And the relationship seemed to be going well until recently. Which leads us to the next part of our story.** _

**[The screen goes white and words appear that read, "The Cat Guy is a whore?"]**

_**A Female Voice: More than once The Cat Guy has flirted with others and or acted like they were with other people on their Twitter since they began to date Mr. Sims, in one tweet they say "@Daisy i thought you were bae, turns out youre just fam" when Ms.Tonner apologized they responded with "you can keep your apology , it doesnt make up for the pain i feel in my heart" this is revealed to be a joke about Ms. Tonner listening to The Archers without him but this is a later reply to somebody else and it is not obvious at first.** _

**[The Tweets appear on the screen including the reply where the joke is revealed]**

_**A Female Voice: On more than one occasion they mention how nice looking a woman who goes by @plasticclown on Twitter is and says that they love her multiple times and at one time talked about how they couldn't stop thinking about her voice.** _

**[More tweets show up on the screen]**

_**A Female Voice: And they have even flirted with an older man who. @thespiral on Twitter, who knows The Cat Guy personally tweeted, "@thecatguy tried and failed to get a sugar daddy" to which they replied " 1. you dont have to tell everyone that 2. i would never use him like that" that last bit confused some of their followers since they are believed to be near their thirties and the man he had been flirting with is at least in their sixties.** _

**[New Tweets Appear on screen]**

_**A Female Voice: When asked how he felt about it Jonathan Sims, @archivist on Twitter, was asked about his thoughts on the matter he said that he did not mind because he wasn't paid enough.** _

**[More Tweets pop up]**

_**A Female Voice: On top of all of this they can also be very passive when talking about their partner and at times pretending like the don't know who they are.** _

**[A Tweet where they are acting like their partner does not matter more than cats appears on scree followed by a tweet by @teatime stating how they tweet about other people they have a crush on more than their own partner and then finally the tweet and replies where they pretend like they do not know Jon]**

_**A Female Voice: The last one also involves a child that Mr.Sims may or may not have adopted recently, and in that case The Cat Guy may have been being purposefully ignorant so that the kid would not bebombarded by their followers, this is most likely the reason since we were not able to find any instances of the kid interacting with The Cat Guy on Twitter, and so for their sake and because it's a minor, we willll not be sharing the child's twitter or any information on him. Now that we ha all of that covered we can move on to our next topic.** _

**[The Screen Reads , "Jonathan Sims is a whore?"]**

_**A Female Voice: Mr. Sims is not innocent in this whole affair either, having also flirted with others on his twitter at times, even after he began to date @thecatguy. There are several instances of him talking about Tim Ledsam, @teatime on twitter, where they are going shopping and once Georgie Barker even stated that they could go on a double date with her and her girlfriend, Melanie King. Mr. Sims has even referred to him as the 'Alpha Tim' when talking to another man named Tim on twitter.** _

**[Tweets confirming this appear on screen]**

_**A Female Voice: But Tim is not the only person Mr. Sims has acted romantically towards. Georgie barker and Melanie King were both included in his adulterous tweets, even encouraging it at times. There was once when he talked about the dinner they would be having later, wording it as a statement and not as a question like it was a set date. And then Ms. King posted a photo of Mr. Sims and Ms. Barker cuddling cats on a couch with the caption, "Look at these idiots". In the replies Ms. Barker refers to herself and Mr. Sims as her idiots to which Melanie responds by saying she loves them both and both Ms. Barker and Mr. Sims send hearts in reply.** _

**[Said tweets and replies pop up on screen]**

_**A Female Voice: Another thing that adds to the fact that Mr. Sims may not be completely faithful is what The Cat Guy said a while back in regards to why they were not just cuddling with their partner, they said, "hes not always around"** _

**[This appears on screen]**

_**A Female Voice: Though the next part of the story, and the reason we're here may just make our last two points null and void and that is...** _

**[Text Once Again Appears On The Screen It Reads, "The Photos/The Date"]**

_**A Female Voice: Yesterday Mr. Sims posted a photo on twitter of a man who's handle is @oLIVEr and the photo was captioned with, "Sometimes your date is hotter than you and you just have to deal with it".** _

**[Tweet pops up]**

_**A Female Voice: Several of Mr.Sims friends congratulated him on his date, even making jokes at the couple's expense, but there were others who were confused, most of which only followed Mr. Sims after he began his relationship with The Cat Guy. One user, who goes by Soft Taco, asked The Cat Guy what their thoughts on the photo were, the answer they got was over all unhelpful. They simply stated that they had seen it and that it was a nice picture, when they were asked about their relationship all they said was "fun fact: you can have more than one partner" they did not elaborate on that and have not been active for the last twenty-four hours.** _

**[Several tweets and replies appear as she speaks]**

_**A Female Voice: Many pointed out that they may be in an open reelationship and that there was a chance that The Cat Guy was not dating Oliver as well, but this was quickly dismissed when others started posting screenshots of a tweet from a couple of months ago. The tweet is from The Cat Guy and it is another photo of Oliver.** _

**[More tweets]**

_**A Female Voice: We can not be certain on anything except for the fact that people are confused. This has escalated enough that the hashtag TheArchivist has been trending for a little more than a day. The hashtag is a combination of Mr.Sims and The Cat Guy's handles, and many people have insisted that it is their 'ship name' and I am inclined to agree.** _

**[The current trending page with the hashtag folloed by several tweets using it appear]**

_**A Female Voice: What I do not agree with though it the amount of hate that people are sending to Oliver, and the way they are bashing them in their tweets.** _

**[Tweets about Oliver appear]**

_**A Female Voice: It discourages me to see so many closeminded people on the internet, and even more so to see people so caught up in the romantic lives of actual human beings, please be kind to one another. That's all we have for now! Bye!** _

**[An endcard slides onto the screen showing you their most popular upload and their most recent video and then their channel icon]**

* * *

**Georgie ✓**  
 _@whattheghost_  
 _@twittertea_  
"Please be kind to one another"?!?!  
You called them whores!

* * *

**Melanie ✓**

**@** _ghosthuntuk_

_@twittertea_

Good video! It would be even better if you used the tweets in their original context! Just a suggestion!

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : hey _@Nikola_ jon wont get out of bed

 **Nikola** : Did they say why?

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : "twitter is stupid and so am i. please just leave me to wallow in self pity"

 **Nikola** : Oh! Good! It's not too bad then! I'll be by soon!

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : cool  
 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : oliver is here too but he slept on the couch and hasnt gotten up yet  
 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : he sleeps like the dead

 **Webby** : very funny

 **Gerry** : the dead doesn't sleep

 **Webby** : most dead people sleep you and jane dont count

 **Gerry** : man if i was alive and could feel pain that would sting Annie

 **Webby** : dont call me annie  
 **Webby** : callum does that mean he hasn't seen twitter yet?

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : i dont think he has

* * *

 **Basira**  
 _@ashes_   
"It discourages me to see so many closeminded people on the internet" - _@twittertea_ , who didn't bother to double check pronouns

* * *

  
**😺Georgie😺**

**Georgie** : Nikola is on her way and so am I   
**Georgie** : Do you want anything? Ice Cream? 

**Jon** : that is sickeningly cliche Georgie  
 **Jon** : but yes i want ice cream  
 **Jon** : and for my twitter to stop blowing up

 **Georgie** : Well right now I can only fix one of those  
 **Georgie** : I'll get some pizza too

 **Jon** : if you get hawaiian ill never forgive you

 **Georgie** : I know  
 **Georgie** : I'll be there soon!

 **Jon** : okay

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Michael** : has anyone told Peter about the video?

 **Helen** : oh no

 **Peter** : What video?

 **Michael** : nothing 

**Peter** : _Michael, what video?_

 **Helen** : how did you sound so stern through text?

 **Peter** : It's a gift 

**Michael** : your twitter account may or may not have been publicized in a video earlier today :)

 **Peter** : Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Okay a couple of things: 
> 
> 1\. Yes the next chapter will be like this one but a tad different and then we're hading back to the normal stuff
> 
> 2\. YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET!! I swear all of you are just the best! And don't worry I am taking care of myself the best I can! I actually think writing this helps me a lot because I can pretty much do whatever here and it is just a lot of fun! And I like knowing that I've cheered someone else up with this stupid au that I came up with out of nowhere. So thank you all for being so nice and understanding


	36. 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can stuff just happens what do you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're like actually welcome though because I wrote a pretty angsty start to this chapter and then was like "That doesn't fit in with anything else at all", so you're welcome, again
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Jane- worms-jane-worms @worms  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

Jon couldn't bring themself to look away from their phone screen. They needed to read the things people were saying. They needed to _know_ how people were reacting and how they felt. And initially they believed it was just their own anxiety and the need to know what people thought of them, and then Jon remembered that they haven't ever cared what strangers thought of them and that it was just an excuse to cover the truth behind their need. It was their own morality lying to them and telling them that the reasons they had sat there for hours, staring at their phone screen, was because of natural human instinct. 

But it wasn't, no matter how badly Jon wanted it to be, that's not why they read tweet after tweet and dm after dm. No, this was all about hunger and how the knowledge and the pain and the anger that radiated from those tweets quenched their's. It wasn't as good as a statement, there wasn't enough behind them for it to be, but despite the fact that they had been in bed all morning, and that there were thosands of people wishing both them and Oliver ill will, Jon felt amazing. 

And it was a feeling they did not want to give up yet, and so they read, _and they read, and they read, and they read, and they read, and they read, and they read, and they read , and they read, and they read, and they read, and they read, and they read, and they re-_

Someone had taken the phone out of their hand. Jon glanced up, half ready to snap at the person, when they realized who it was. 

"Did you bring the ice cream?", They asked, acting as though nothing had happened and they weren't just feeding a giant eyeball and themself. 

Georgie smiled, it was a bit forced though, and turned their phone off, "No phones, no computers, nothing you can check Twitter on, and we already called into work for you"

"Who's we?", Jon asked, knowing they weren't going to convince Georgie otherwise. 

"Nikola and I", she said, "And yes, I let Nikola make the phone call"

"I would have loved to see that",They smiled just thinking about how angry Elias must have been. 

"It was hilarious, and we recorded the whole thing, you can see it after everything blows over because I am not letting you near anything with a browser", When she smiled this time it was genuine, and Jon smiled back nodding. 

"That's fair", They said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I want ice cream"

"Of course", they both made their way out of the room and to where the others were, but before they got there, Jon stopped, at the end of the small hallway, and grabbed her arm.

"Is something wrong?", Georgie looked them over, concerned. 

"I just wanted to thank you"

"For what?"

"Making sure everyone knows I'm not a whore"

Georgie relaxed and took in their words for a moment before laughing, drawing the attention of the others towards them, all of them looking a bit confused. When she was done, she looked them in the eyes and said, "You're welcome, Jon, and _thank you"_

"What for?"

"The laugh" 

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Sasha** : have either of you heard from Jon today? I tried to message them to make sure they were okay, but they haven't answered

**Tim** : if I were Jon my phone would be off right now

**Martin** : yeah, they're probably just trying to get away from the current situation surrounding them

**Sasha** : you're right, I'm just going to message Georgie real quick and see if she is with them

**Martin** : let us know what she says

**Sasha** : I will, right now

 **Sasha** : she said that she is over there and that she is not allowing Jon to be on their phone right now

**Tim** : I always said Georgie was the smartest of Jon's friends

**Sasha** : you know that includes you, right?

**Tim** : Yeah, and I also know that Georgie Barker is infinitely smarter than I am

* * *

**Michael**

_@thedistortion_

If anyone would like some insider information on the _@thecatguy , @archivist, & @oLIVEr_ drama come by the Magnus Institute and once your inside go through the bright yellow door on the right! You can't miss it! I'll see you soon!! _#TheArchivist #YellowDoor #thisisnotascam_

* * *

**Hell-en**

_@thespiral_

Adding onto _@thedistortion 's_ tweet there is another yellow door located on the left wall that will lead you to my office where I am also willing to provide you with insider information!! _#TheArchivist_

* * *

**Tonner**

_@Daisy_

I can't imagine how weak someone would have to be to insult someone for going on a date with another consenting adult. Especially when their partner also consented and was perfectly fine with it. Anyone who has sent any of the three, lovely, kind, people hate in the last twenty four hours should check themselves and get some help. _#TheArchivist_

* * *

**Annabelle🕷️**

_@webby_

this account is usually used for spider facts alone but i refuse to stand by and just allow my friends to be attacked, everyone gossiping, harassing, sending hate, or just being rude, i want you to know that i see you and you will have a very unpleasant experience tonight and i will have fun watching it happen _#TheArchivist_

* * *

**worms- jane- worms**

_@worms_

*squish* *squish* *squish* this is a warning and a very bad one at that *squish* *squish* *squish* *squish* *squish* *squish* *squish* _#TheArchivist_

* * *

Melanie finised setting up her camera in the middle of her's and Georgie's living room. She sighed and pressed record and then sat down on the couch. She didn't even bother putting on her usual Ghost Hunt UK shirt for this. 

"Hi, as most of you know my name is Melanie King", She spoke directly to the camera, "this is an unusual video for this channel but I knew that this would not gain as much traction on my personal channel"

Melanie paused for a moment but continued anyways, making a mental note to edit that pause out, "Earlier today a video by Twitter Tea was uploaded titled, "Twitter User and Partner are Constantly Cheating" followed by an annoying amount of question marks. Go watch it and come back, because I am not going to be recapping all of it, but basically they tried to paint my friends in a bad light and it worked."

She sighed before speaking again, "In that video they bring up several tweets used out of context and today I am going to read you the tweets, in context, so you can see just what a giant dumpster fire their shit show of a video was, but before I do that I want to say something. I am in relationship with Georgie and Georgie alone, we are very open about that with all of our viewers and so I would hope you believe me when I say that Jon is just a good friend, especially when it comes to Georgie, they have known each other for years, The Cat Guy is just a good friend and I do not want to change that. Yes we love both of them, but as friends! You're allowed to say I love you to your fucking friends, okay? So yeah it made me mad when they used that against us in the other video, and I _did_ call both Georgie and Jon my idiots, it's a joke!"

Melanie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "Okay, now that I am done with that, here are the tweets..."

* * *

**Melanie ✓**

_@ghosthuntuk_

New Video: <https://youtu.be/M5V_IXMewl4>

* * *

Jon somehow found themself sitting on their couch with Georgie on one side and Oliver on the other, and they both were somehow holding them at the same time, Nikola was laying on the back of the couch, arm slung over the top holding their hand, and Callum was in front of all of them, sprawled out on the floor playing with the cats and not really paying attention to the show that was on. The pizza and Ice Cream had been eaten hours ago and since then they had all been like this, just lounging. 

"Can we watch something else, _please_ ", Nikola asked, "I just got done watching these two pine after one another, I don't want to see it on tv. That and they're not even going to get together, so it's pointless"

"Read fanfiction and get over it", Callum told her, not looking up from the cats. 

"Kid, I wrote fanfiction for this show, don't tell me how to enjoy things", She said trying to sound stern but it just didn't work out like that. 

"You did what?", Oliver asked, turning to face her. 

"You heard me", Nikola poked him in the head with her freehand, "And before you say anything, Jon proof-read them"

"Most of them,at least", Jon reminded her, "I didn't, and still don't, do smut"

"Tim did though", Nikola grinned wider, if that was even possible.

"Before you continue down that train of thought, please remember, that I here", Callum spoke up. 

"Sorry", Nikola said not sounding sorry at all. 

"Yeah, whatever", He shrugged it off. 

* * *

**Basira**

_@ashes_

_@ghosthuntuk_ just proved why she(and her team) are the only youtubers who deserve respect. 

* * *

**GP Tim**

_@teatime_

"you can see just what a giant dumpster fire their shit show of a video was" _@ghosthuntuk_ this is the best description of _@twittertea_ 's video that I have seen, thank you

(also Jon and I have never dated, just an fyi to _certain people_ )

* * *

**Here's the motherf--in**

_@twittertea_

To our viewers:

**[Photo ID: Long drawn ot apology written on their notes app that isn't really an apology but people will at least use it to defend them]**

* * *

"Can I please have my laptop?", Jon asked Georgie later that night, when everyone was asleep besides the two of them. 

"Why?"

"Because I have to say something or this won't stop", They said, "Let me just make a statement on both accounts, it'll only take a minute"

"Do you promise?", She asked, pulling the laptop out of her bag.

"Yeah, and plus you'll be right here, you can even help me word everything", Jon said and Georgie relented and handed them the computer.

"Two tweets, that's it", she reminded them. 

"Thank you", Jon said taking it from her. 

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

_@twittertea_ , one you got my pronouns wrong, if you had asked I would have confirmed them for you, two I have a heart and love my friends, therefore I tell them. To Everyone Else: Stop spreading hate and please pick a different ship name, I swear _#TheArchivist_

* * *

**send me cat photos✓**

_@thecatguy_

im disappointed in you my cats are disappointed in you and your cats are disappointed in you. stop tweeting about it, if the hashtag is not off trending in the next 24 hours i will delete my account(also the name doesnt even have cat in it smh) _#TheArchivist_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Speaking of the angsty starter I scrapped, I didn't actually scrap it I have it saved because I love it, and so I have a question for you:   
> Would anyone actually want to read the bits I've written and then just taken out for various reasons? Because I have a lot
> 
> Explaining things:   
> •It's not necessarily the fact that they used he/him on a day where Jon was using they/them but the fact that they did not bother to check anything at all, like to ask which one he defaults back to  
> •see I think there's something else but I don't know, whatever  
> •oh, the use of the word whore is not being used against any actual sex workers here and I do not mean it in a derogatory way against them, we love and support sex workers in this household  
> •still feel like there's something else...


	37. 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is very short and doesn't follow the plot but oh well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I watched IT recently and this chapter contains a lot about that it's not explicit at all but if it is triggering for you I would still read with caution
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Mic-hell @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**send me cat photos✓**

_@thecatguy_

my friends and i just rewatched the it miniseries and the new movies and i am filled with so many emotions and i do not know what to do

**Georgie✓** _@whattheghost_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

Fanfiction?

 **send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

you know what? youre right thank you

**Georgie✓** _@whattheghost_

I'm always right but you're welcome

* * *

**Mic-hell**

_@TheDistortion_

Are you a 90's Reddie gay or a 2010's Reddie gay? 

**Hell-en** _@TheSpiral_

**_Replying to @TheDistortion_ **

Definitely 90's

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

_**Replying to @TheDistortion** _

didnt eddie die though

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

No? What are you talking about?

 **Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

he died after being stabbed/tossed i saw it

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

Next you're going to say the Stan's dead or something

**Annabelle 🕷️** _@webby_

he is though

**More Replies**

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to @TheDistortion** _

Neither.....

I'm Pennywise! 

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

I am scared but not surprised

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to @TheDistortion** _

I'm 2010's Mike/Bill

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

That's fair

* * *

**Melanie✓**

_@ghosthuntuk_

Just want someone to love me like the Losers love Mike

**Jon** _@Archivist_

_**Replying to @ghosthuntuk** _

I'm coming over

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

Same

 **Basira** _@ashes_

Me too

**More Replies**

* * *

**🖤Callum🕶️**

**Callum** : are we going to georgie's and melanie's?

**Jon** : yeah

**Callum** : cool, im going to bring my history homework and get nikola to help me

**Jon** : okay, but i can help if you want

**Callum** : i know but ill get your help later after hers because she never tells the truth but its usually funny

**Jon** : thats fair

* * *

**Georgie√**

_@whattheghost_

90's it is better because there is no hate crime against a gay man but worse because there's more slurs

**send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to @whattheghost** _

yes but also theres Tim Curry

 **Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

^^^ true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This probably isn't the update you expected after like two weeks of silence but it's what I got
> 
> Honestly I just wanted to update and am currently obsessed with It(fic recs appreciated and loved). 
> 
> Also you can fight me Eddie and Stan are alive and happy with their respective partners  
> And the reason I say 2010's Bill/Mike is because I actually like Bill's wife in the miniseries, you know?  
> And yeah this fic is set in like 2017 but I don't care, both of the new movies are out in this universe
> 
> Question: 90's Reddie or 2010's Reddie? 
> 
> Honestly I'd have to go with 90's Reddie, and I don't have a reason other than 'Eddie Spaghetti'


	38. 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not just about It this time I promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why the oc/twitter user at the beginning has been the one I've continuously stuck with but they are friends with Jon now, and I don't know that whole bit is just kinda to show how Jon interacts with people who aren't his friends I guess
> 
> Hi! I watched IT recently and this chapter contains a lot about that it's not explicit at all but if it is triggering for you I would still read with caution
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Mic-hell @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**Soft Taco**

_@burrito_

So are we all going to pretend like nothing ever happened? Like one moment _@thecatguy_ is threatening to delete their account, and the next they're tweeting about IT?! Like Reddie is cool and everything, but are they okay? Are _@archivist_ & _@oLIVEr_ okay?

**send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to @burrito** _

im chill bro, but thanks for asking

also i never said i was reading Reddie fanfic specifically you know

**Soft Taco** _@burrito_

I am glad to hear it! np :)

**Jon** _@archivist_

_**Replying to @burrito** _

My boss broke down and gave me the week off because everything.. I'm doing great!

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

That's cool! The situation is horrible, but that is good!

**Jon** _@archivist_

I think so too! Thank you for checkng up on us when you didn't have to.

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

It's no problem at all! I was concerned for you all!

**More Replies**

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to @burrito** _

If I got bothered by what Twitter said I would never be happy. Thanks though.

 **Soft Taco** _@burrito_

Ain't that the truth? Glad to hear you're okay! Np! :P

* * *

_ **DM: @burrito** _

**_@burrito_** : if not Reddie than what?

_**@thecatguy**_ : im in love with Patty Blum-Uris

_**@burrito:**_ can't fault you for that, she's very cool

_**@thecatguy:** _thats an understatement

@thecatguy: also i am absolutely reading Reddie fics... just Patty

_**@burrito:**_ I get it

 _ **@burrito:** _oh, and, https://archiveofourown.org/uses/softburritotaco

 _ **@burrito**_ : if you want it that is

_**@thecatguy**_ : bro we have just entered a new level of friendship! of course i want your ao3

_**@burrito:**_ I might actually cry, wow

_**@thecatguy:** _dont cry!

 _ **@thecatguy:** _okay but this is really good though

 _ **@thecatguy:**_ if i dont reply its because im reading, sorry, not sorry

_**@burrito:** _happy tears! so many of them!

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

inside you there are two wolves, one of them is perfectly okay with letting a version of your worse self out on the loose to do terrible things, the other draws the line at murder, YOU are Dr. Henry Jekyll

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

_**Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness** _

aren't you/like 12? when did you read all of these?

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

read a couple in school, jon owns a ton of them though. also, how have you read Jekyll/Hyde but not Dracula?

_**[Photo ID: a book shelf that takes up a whole wall, the shelf in the center is circled in green and has an arrow pointin at it and it says one word in horrible hand wrirting: CLASSICS]** _

**Tim** _@alwaysstoked_

that explains a lot, and I don't know, I just haven't

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

i hate you

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias)**

**Tim** : Jon can I please borrow Dracula from you?

**Jon** : no

**Tim** : why?

**Jon** : no

**Tim** : okay but WHY?

**Jon** : because I said so

* * *

**😐Oliver⚰️**

**Oliver** : Do you know why Callum just ran through your living room with a box and your address book? He was also cackling, reminded me of some sort of Disney villian

**Jon** : i do know why, yes

**Oliver** : Are you going to tell me?

**Jon** : i love you, but no

 **Jon** : its a secret, and i kind of have to build trust with im, you know?

 **Jon** : also its funnier if less people know

**Oliver** : Okay? That makes sense, I guess

 **Oliver** : Love you too

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

to prove my point further about how stupid it is that _@alwaysstoked_ hasnt read Dracula despite sharing a name with the author and working at The Magnus Institute, _@ghosthuntuk_ have you read any of Stephen King's horror stories?

**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

**_Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness_ **

All of them

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

Thank you! What abot you _@TheDistortion_ do you like Frankenstein?

 **Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

Duh

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

Awesome! _@whattheghost_ what about you? Have you read Clive Barker's novels?

 **Georgie✓** _@whattheghost_

More than once!

**More Replies**

* * *

**Hell-en**

_@TheSpiral_

Still thinking of Richie 'pining for the same man for years' Tozier, like, couldn't be me

It is _@oLIVEr_ though

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to @TheSpiral** _

That's not true!

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

Yeah, Oliver was at least _out_

**Jon** _@archivist_

And I am not a 'man'

The pining bit is on point though

* * *

**send me cat photos✓**

_@thecatguy_

"can you and your friends stop posting about IT?"

we made the mistake of having a movie night with a bunch of nuerodivergent gays, were in love and also hyperfixating, you stop

* * *

**Tim**

_@alwaysstoked_

_@ilurkinthedarkness & @archivist_ WHY?

_**[Photo ID: The first photo is a package that has one brand new copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula in it, the second is the inside cover of the book and written, in what is obviously a child's handwriting, is the following : "Here since you haven't read it! Which is so stupid and I hate it. Read the stupid book, and don't worry it's in your reading level! With Hatred, Callum"]** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda wanna do a chapter from Callum's pov like a 'Day In The Life Of' type of thing.. 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	39. 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all from Callum's point of view.   
> Also they get a new friend...

**👀jon🙀**

**Callum** : i want a dog

**Jon** : we have two cats

**Callum** : and theyre great

 **Callum** : but i want a dog

**Jon** : let me think about it

**Callum** : is that a yes?

**Jon** : its a maybe

**Callum** : ill take it

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

_@plasticclown_ is teaching me how to juggle, so once i get my hands on some chainsaws its over for all of you

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness** _

They grow up so fast

**Hell-en** _@TheSpiral_

_**Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness** _

Come get your boy _@archivist_

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

jon approves of my dreams of being a juggler leave me alone helen

 **Jon** _@archivist_

I did not approve chainsaws though

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedsrkness_

fine

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

starting a new school is weird, especially since none of them have met jon yet and i get dropped off by a different person almost every morning

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

_**Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness** _

it usually goes like this: 

monday- _@plasticclown_

tuesday- _@whattheghost_

wednesday- _@oLIVEr_

thursday- _@TheDistortion & @TheSpiral_

friday- jon, because he doesn't have to be at work super early

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

but jon usually picks me up so they have seen him more than once, but they have seen everyone else too

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

so theres a lot of conversations that go like this: 

teacher: and will your parent/guardian be at the meeting?

me: yeah, jon will be there

teacher: is he the tall blonde one? 

me: no 

teacher: is jon a woman?

me: nah

and then it goes on like that for awhile

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

ive had to start referring to the others as like aunts and uncles because its easier to explain than 'theyre all my guardians friends'

* * *

**❓aunt georgie👻**

**Georgie** : Aw! You call me your aunt? 

**Callum** : thats literally your contact name

**Georgie** : really?!

**Callum** : yeah '❓aunt georgie👻'

**Georgie** : I'm honored! 

**Callum** : dont get a big head about it

**Georgie** : I won't, sorry

**Callum** : its fine

**Georgie** : what's Melanie's?

**Callum** : the cool aunt

* * *

**👀jon🙀**

**Jon** : what if we just got someone else to get a dog and you can go visit it?

**Callum** : who?

**Jon** : i dont know im sure we could convince someone

**Callum** : how often could i go visit?

**Jon** : that would be between you and the owner but it would be a friend so regularly

**Callum** : you want me to have discuss visitation with someone for a dog when we could just get one?

**Jon** : okay i get it

 **Jon** : cats just dont like it when other animals intrude in on their space

**Callum** : like you

**Jon** : wow! being bullied by my own kid

**Callum** : dont feel bad i bully everyone

**Jon** : 👀

 **Jon** : were coming back to that later

 **Jon** : but give me like another hour to figure something out and think about it, deal

**Callum** : yeah, deal

* * *

_**starsareshiningbright** _

i was about to move all of the books on our bookshelves (which is a lot) one shelf over to the left, when my parental figure texts me, from work, 'dont do it'

_**lots-of-legos** _

op would you mind explaining these tags? 

_#they have a sixth sense thing it didnt concern me much #by sixth sense i mean they literally know everything because of a giant eyeball #they hate it but at least their entity is cool #i got the dark #what am i supposed to do with that? #make babies cry?_

_**starsareshiningbright** _

no

i think they are pretty self explanatory

_**rottenzombieangel** _

Are you a part of a cult or something op?

_**starsareshiningbright** _

no, wtf

_**feral-enby** _

Ok, but has anyone else looked through op's blog? Because this is a recent post: 

_**[Screenshot:** _

_**starsareshiningbright** _

_**a lot of my 'family' are in the middle of a bunch of drama and stuff right now, and its insane, like i was left out of it but i was the only one who was]** _

_**starsareshiningbright** _

that doesnt mean im in a cult lol 

_**feral-enby** _

Then why did you put family in quotation marks?

_**starsareshiningbright** _

because i was recently 'adopted' and hadnt started calling them that yet

yall are weird

_**rottenzombieangel** _

congratulations on being adopted

_**starsareshiningbright** _

thanks i guess

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

DOGS!!! 

_**[Photo ID: A picture taken inside of an adoption center where there are wall to wall kennels with dogs in them]** _

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

PUPPY!!

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

**_Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness_ **

her name is Major

 **Georgie √** _@whattheghost_

That's so on brand it hurts

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Webby** : did you get a shih tzu because of the name?

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : no i got her because shes adorable

**Gerry** : I want to know how you convinced Jon to get a dog

**Archivist** : i dont hate dogs

**Gerry** : I didn't say you did

 **Gerry** : you just really like cats

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : i asked really nicely 

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : and promised to stop making it seem like im a part of a cult on tumblr

**Gerry** : that's it?

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine  
> (All of the Tumblr URLs except for Callum's are real ones but in no way do they reflect the actual people behind them my head hurts and I have lots of screenshots of URLs so I decided to take advantage of it)
> 
> I don't know how this came to be I was bored earlier
> 
> Oh my gosh I almost the dog a pomeranian because, as you all know, I watched It recently and I have so many jokes but then I was scrolling through the dog breeds and saw shih tzu and thought about the shih tzu we have and I knew I had to pick that.   
> Our shih tzu is about 15 years old in human years, that's like 105 in dog years, she's going to out live all of us I think. She only has one eyeball, because get this, shih tzus are prone to lose theirs. They just pop out when they get agitated and sometimes they have to be removed, she's also blind in the other one, but that won't stop her man. She knows she's out baby, my grandmother thinks of her as another grandchild, like she doesn't have enough. Okay I'm don't talking about her now. 
> 
> Question!!!!  
> Okay so I have 67 works published on this website and so I only have one more before I'm at my 69th and I do want to do something nice for it but I don't write smut, what should I do?


	40. 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha, Tim, and Martin are once again playing detective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a crap day, and this fic is always comforting to write  
> I know it's been a bit, but we didn't really see their reactions to the Oliver thing and the plot of this was kinda getting away from me, so I'm taking back control with what I hope is a very funny chapter

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Sasha** : so obviously we still don't know who thecatguy is

 **Tim** : you arent seriously still thinking its Elias, right?

 **Sasha** : no! of course not, I'm not stupid Tim

 **Martin** : then who else could it be?

 **Tim** : maybe one of his other friends?

 **Sasha** : What if it really was Annabelle?

 **Martin** : I highly doubt that unless she likes to talk to herself

 **Tim** : I agree, it's too weird for her

 **Sasha** : alright

 **Sasha** : what about Michael or Helen?

 **Tim** : they also interact with thecatguy online

 **Martin** : yeah, but I wouldn't put it past the two of them to chat with themselves

 **Sasha** : that is very true

 **Tim** : but would Jon really trust either of them with Callum?

 **Martin** : I am pretty sure Callum could take both of them in a fight

 **Sasha** : and Michael is kinda cool

 **Tim** : Okay, but,,,

 **Tim** : Helen said something to me about another timeline and I haven't felt right since

 **Martin** : because you're full of it

 **Sasha** : yeah dude, chill out

 **Tim** : says the woman afraid of JON

 **Martin** : why are you afraid of Jon?

 **Sasha** : I'm not

 **Sasha** : it's just that sometimes he can be a little creepy

 **Martin** : how?

 **Sasha** : I litterally told that story in the gc, go read the earlier messages

 **Martin** : fine

 **Sasha** : Tim, you're the one who dated him, who do you think is more likely, Helen or Michael?

 **Tim** : I like Oliver

 **Sasha** : everyone likes Oliver, but we _know_ about him

 **Sasha** : we don't know thecatguy

 **Martin** : Jon doesn't just know things Sasha, that's weird

 **Sasha** : stop invalidating me and help me pressure Tim into choosing one: Helen or Michael

 **Martin** : What's the hold up Timothy, did getting bullied by 12 year old mess you up that badly

 **Tim** : shut up

 **Tim** : and he wouldn't choose one or the other

 **Tim** : Helen is clever and Michael is funny

 **Tim** : those are like Jon's two favorite traits in person

 **Sasha** : why'd he date you then?

 **Martin** : _oooohh_

 **Tim** : IT WAS ONE DATE!!

 **Tim** : but if pressured he'd choose Michael because it's less intimidating than Helen

 **Martin** : I didn't expect a real answer

 **Sasha** : me neither

 **Tim** : cool, thanks for all the confidence in me

 **Martin** : <3

 **Sasha** : np brb

* * *

**💚Sasha💚**

**Sasha** : Jon

 **Jon** : Sasha

 **Sasha** : Is Michael bae or fam?

-

**🖕Michael🚪**

**Jon** : are you bae or fam? Sasha wants to know

 **Michael** : For you or her?

 **Jon** : me, i think

 **Michael** : bae

 **Jon** : thanks

 **Michael** : You're welcome, but does your boyfriend know about this?

 **Jon** : he is reading over my shoulder

 **Jon** : so yes

 **Michael** : Oh! Hi, Oliver!

 **Jon** : he says hi

 **Michael** : :)

-

**💚Sasha💚**

**Jon** : bae

 **Sasha** : why did it take you so long to answer?

 **Jon:** why are you asking me about Michael?

 **Sasha:** You know what? That's fair, good day, sir

 **Jon** : bye

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Sasha** : Jon says Michael is bae

 **Martin** : cool

 **Tim:** what about Helen?

 **Sasha** : hold on

* * *

**💚Sasha💚**

**Sasha** : is Helen bae or fam?

 **Jon** : ???

 **Sasha** : I know, just answer it

-

**🖖Helen🏠**

**Jon** : are you bae or fam?

 **Helen** : Definitely bae, and I guess I'll pretend I am not offended that you asked Michael first

 **Jon** : its not me

 **Jon** : my coworkers are up to something

 **Helen** : Ooh

 **Helen** : You better fill me in later

 **Jon** : will do

 **Helen** : :-)

 **Jon** : i can not believe you put a nose in it

 **Jon** : i am disgusted

 **Helen** : :-)))

-

**💚Sasha💚**

**Jon** : bae

 **Sasha** : Really?

 **Jon** : yep

 **Sasha** : okay

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Sasha** : he said Helen is bae too

 **Martin** : is he dating both or just messing with you?

 **Sasha** : I have no clue

 **Tim** : this is crazy

 **Martin** : we know that, but aren't you curious?

 **Tim:** duh

 **Tim** : I just dont know if its worth it

 **Sasha** : it is

 **Tim:** how do you know?

 **Sasha** : I don't but you have to trust me

 **Tim:** but you just gave me every reason not to

 **Martin** : Tim, you can't bail now, you're in too deep

 **Tim** : I-

 **Tim:** this is wrong

 **Martin** : since when do you have morals

 **Tim:** since right now

 **Tim** : like we should just ask Jon, were his friends, he can trust us

 **Sasha** : but he doesn't or he would have told us

 **Tim** : because thecatguy wants to stay anonymous

 **Martin** : that's true

 **Sasha** : yeah

 **Tim** : okay, but really, who is it?? i do really want to know

 **Martin** : and he's back

* * *

**Avatars? More Like Avastars**

**Archivist** : Helen and Michael are dating me now but not really

 **Nikola** : Color me not surprised

 **Oliver** : That's cool

 **Helen** : something tells me it's not cool

 **Oliver** : What would that be?

 **Helen** : no clue

 **Webby** : are you going to explain jon?

 **Archivist** : my coworkers are nosey

 **Gerry** : they work for the institute, what do you expect

 **Nikola** : Jon!! I want to fake date you!! I want to see the look on Tim's face when he sees me!!!

 **Michael** : Wait your turn like the rest of us

 **Archivist** : thats cruel Nikola

 **Archivist** : possibly funny

 **Archivist** : but cruel

 **Webby** : hes one of us now!

 **Nikola** : ONE OF US!

 **Michael** : ONE OF US!

 **Helen** : ONE OF US!

 **Oliver** : ONE OF US!

 **Archivist** : i eat trauma i have always been one of you???

 **Gerry** : ^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	41. 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know fam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Shruggies* it's been 20 days and yes the link is real(like it is what it says it is)
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

you make the smallest out of character remark and your friends will *never let you live it down

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

_**Replying to @thecatguy** _

We're just proud of you!

 **send me cat photos✔** _@thecatguy_

well stop it

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

No

**Georgie ✔** _@whattheghost_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

_@plasticclown_ told me what happened, I'm not letting you live it down either

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

:))))

**send me cat photos ✔** _@thecatguy_

youre both dead to me

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

I always have been??

 **send me cat photos ✔** _@thecatguy_

**Cat Guy is the best** _@Rachelisrad_

_**Replying to @thecatguy** _

can we know what happened?

**send me cat photos ✔** _@thecatguy_

is my vagueness not enough for you?

**Cat Guy is the best** _@Rachelisrad_

not even on a good day

 **send me cat photos ✔** _@thecatguy_

wow

* * *

**Brian**

_@drumbot_

Ma'am, are you dead? _@plasticclown_

**_[Screenshot: send me cat photos ✔ @thecatguy_ **

**_youre both dead to me_ **

**_Nikola @plasticclown_ **

**_I always have been??]_ **

**Nikola** _@plasticclown_

_**Replying to @drumbot** _

Who knows at this point??

 **Brian** _@drumbot_

That is fair, I will see you at lunch tomorrow

 **Nikola** _@plasticclown_

Perhaps

* * *

**The Mechanisms**

**Nikola** : Just so you all know, Jon has two new fake partners

 **Tim** : how does that even happen?

 **Basira** : I think it's better not to ask

 **Marius** : But we are asking

 **Jon** : i dont know

 **Brian** : That's not an answer

 **Jon** : yes it is

 **RL** : It really isn't

 **Jon** : 'i dont know' is a perfectly acceptable answer when i have lost all control of my life

 **Basira** : Really glad you're the one with the kid

 **Nikola** : Callum is smart enough to take care of himself even if Jon was a bad parent(which you're not)

 **Jon** : thanks, still dont have an answer

 **Brian** : why not??

 **Jon** : i dont know

* * *

**🖤Callum🕶️**

**Callum** : [Information | A Bit Of Fry And Laurie](https://youtu.be/WaqZpcPEZEY)

 **Callum** : is this you

 **Jon** : i...

 **Jon** : maybe

 **Callum** : awesome

 **Callum** : anyway, i need help with my math homework

* * *

**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)**

**Tim** : I dont care if its Michael or Helen

 **Tim** : all I know is that the clown chick Jon hangs out with freaks me out

 **Martin** : Nikola?

 **Tim** : yeah

 **Sasha** : pretty sure she freaks everyone out

 **Tim** : okay, but I feel like I know her???

 **Martin** : she came to trivia night that one time

 **Sasha** : she got a lot answers right

 **Sasha** : sat with the other Tim

 **Martin** : the better Tim

 **Tim** : hold on

 **Tim** : what has he got that I dont?

 **Sasha** : great hair

 **Tim:** fair

* * *

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

cats and dogs arent supposed to get along?? then explain this:

_**[Photo ID: The Colonel, and organge tabby, and the General, a black cat, are both curled around the Major, a small shih tzu puppy. Next to them are socked feet, both have the days of the week on them, one says Wednesday and the other says Sunday, neither of which are correct]** _

**GP Tim** _@teattime_

_**Replying to @thecatguy** _

cute! today's Tuesday!

 **send me cat photos✔** _@thecatguy_

they are not my feet

 **GP Tim** _@teatime_

_@oLIVEr_

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

They aren't mine either??

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

hmm...

**More Replies**

**RL** _@Cognizi_

_**Replying to @thecatguy** _

Stop!! It's too cute!! I'm gonna die!!!

 **send me cat photos✔** _@thecatguy_

dont do that

 **RL** _@Cognizi_

Too late! I can see the light!

 **send me cat photos✔** _@thecatguy_

then close your eyes

 **RL** _@Cognizi_

.... I can't believe that worked

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

promised i wouldnt make tumblr believe im apart of a cult,,, i failed

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness_ **

Interesting..

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

listen,, actually just check your messages

**More Replies**

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

_**Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness** _

young man, do you know that today is Tuesday?

 **Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

i didnt, actually, why do you ask?

 **GP Tim** _@teatime_

no reason!

* * *

** The Mechanisms **

**Jon** : are you all coming over tonight?

 **Brian** : yes

 **RL** : Yes

 **Nikola** : Yes

 **Tim** : yep

 **Basira** : duh

 **Marius** : absoulutely

 **Ivy** : If that is okay?

 **Jon** : cool and its fine

 **Jon** : had to make sure because Melanie offered to watch Callum

 **Tim** : wait!!

 **Tim** : I wanted to help him fix his sock drawer!

 **Jon** : hes 12

 **Jon** : organization does not exist

 **Tim** : ah man

 **RL** : Sucks for you Tim.

 **RL** : I'm bringing refreshments Jon

 **Jon** : you dont have to

 **RL** : I want to

 **Jon** : okay then??

 **RL** : :)

* * *

**🖤Callum🕶️**

**Callum** : keep the better tim out of my sock drawer please

 **Jon** : that sounds creepy out of context

 **Jon** : but i will

 **Callum** : thanks

 **Callum** : and will you tell him that today is Thursday

 **Jon** : 👍

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	42. 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

i know so much but i understand nothing. NOTHING

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

what's the capital of norway? oslo

how do you function like a proper human? i dont know!!

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

thats it i quit gonna become a cat and live out my days sleeping in the sunlight

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

😿😿😿😿😿

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Webby** : jon are you okay?

 **Archivist** : no

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : they stubbed their toe

 **Helen** : understandable have a good day

* * *

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

my brain: 253478x5 =1267390

me: why does that matter?

my brain: lmao you figure it out

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

did you know bananas are better at replenishing electrolytes than gatorade?? because i do now

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

i know for a fact that all i ate on the 25th of august last year was a few skittles. why do i know that? im not sure. do i want to know that? no

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

i hope you all know that i know how the new star wars will end and no one will be happy about it

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

no i am not on drugs havent been since college

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

no im not drunk either i swear

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

the mcu does great /s

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

i never claimed to have superpowers where are yall getting that from?

\--

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

i am being told that staying awake for four days in a row is bad, i already knew that, but i guess i have to sleep now

* * *

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

please ignore all tweets from yesterday, thank you

**Georgie ✔** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to @thecatguy** _

I have screenshots

**send me cat photos ✔** _@thecatguy_

i expected nothing less

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Jon knows the outcomes for the movies because they are already written or in the works,okay?


	43. 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anymore I'm not sure I ever did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this funny? I'm not sure if anything is funny anymore
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Archivist** : Helen i can hear you in the other room

 **Helen** : I'm just having fun with your friends

 **Archivist** : youre terrorizing them

 **Webby** : with out me??? im sad now

 **Archivist** : stop i have to work with them

 **Helen** : Sorry, not sorry

 **Archivist** : omg

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : what now?

 **Nikola** : Aren't you in school?

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : lunch

 **Michael** : Jon is eating lunch too!

 **Oliver** : How do you know that?

 **Archivist** : its here

 **Helen** : We brought you lunch, be happy!

 **Archivist** : no

 **Michael** : is that anyway to talk to your partners??

 **Archivist** : my fake ones? Yes

 **Helen** : Can't believe you just broke my heart like that?

 **Archivist** : you have more than one

 **Oliver** : WHAT

 **Michael** : it still hurts, Archivist

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias)** _

**Sasha** : Jon, you good buddy?

 **Jon** : just peachy

 **Tim** : did you know they would be by??

 **Jon:** I know everything

 **Martin** : what does that mean?

 **Jon** : it means whatever you want it to mean

 **Sasha** : that doesn't help at all

 **Jon** : not my problem

 **Tim** : dude..

 **Jon** : Bro

 **Tim** : what do you mean you know everything

 **Martin** : hold on I'm still freaked out about Jon using 'Bro'

 **Sasha** : same

 **Tim:** lol you dont even know the half of it

 **Jon** : ;)

-

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)** _

**Sasha** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN??? HOW MUCH SLANG DOES HE USE??

 **Tim** : idk a lot

 **Martin** : I think I am going to die from shock

 **Tim:** i thought i was supposed to be the dramatic one

 **Sasha** : you are

 **Sasha** : we're just confused

 **Tim** : it's not that confusing he is the same age as us

 **Martin** : I forget that sometimes

 **Sasha** : same

 **Tim** : smh

* * *

**Jon**

_@archivist_

My friends have convinced me that actual food taste better than junk food and I am having a crisis

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

_**Replying to @archivist** _

_moooood_

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_@ilurkinthedarkness_

Me: jon what is the-

Jon: 74

Me: i didnt even say-

Jon: i know

( _@archivist_ )

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness_ **

*Shrug*

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

is that all you have to say for yourself?

 **Jon** _@archivist_

Pretty much, yeah

* * *

_**😺Georgie😺** _

**Georgie** : Jon, you are a good cook, how did you not know that already??

 **Jon** : i have no self confidence and hate everything that i create

 **Georgie** : Babe you need therapy

 **Jon** : probably

 **Georgie** : No definitely

* * *

**_👻Melanie👑_ **

**Melanie** : jonathan

 **Jon** : yes?

 **Melanie** : I will fight you

 **Jon** : so you've been talking to Georgie

 **Melanie** : she is my gf

 **Jon** : fair

 **Melanie** : wait dont change the subject

* * *

**send me cat photos ✔**

_@thecatguy_

can you die from too much love?

the answer is yes, but i dont care

* * *

_**The Mechanisms** _

**RL** : Jon...

 **Jon** : Georgie works fast

 **Brian** : yes, yes she does

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Archivist** : i have been kidnapped by Michael and Helen, goodbye everyone

 **Helen:** stop being so dramatic

 **Archivist** : i cant its part of who i am

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)** _

**Sasha** : did you guys see Jon leave?

 **Tim** : nope

 **Martin** : no

 **Tim** : his (alleged) partners have a magical traveling hallway, he's probably fine

 **Sasha** : ...

-

🛶Tim🛶

**Tim** : wru

 **Jon** : home

 **Tim** : cool

 **Tim** : did they kidnap you??

 **Jon** : yes, but im fine

 **Tim** : yeah, i know that, our friends wont believe me though

 **Jon** : im sorry

 **Tim:** its fine

 **Tim** : are you taking the rest of the day off

 **Jon** : yes

 **Tim** : awesome, im gonna leave early then

 **Jon** : okay

 **Jon** : have fun

 **Tim** : i will

 **Tim** : dont get stabbed or anything

 **Jon:** i wont

 **Jon** : hopefully

 **Tim** : lol

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Archivist** : Tim is my favorite out of everyone at the archives

 **Archivist** : Callum just looked at me like i lost my mind, oh well

 **Gerry** : is he the chad??

 **Webby** : yes

 **Gerry** : got it

* * *

**send me cat photos✔**

_@thecatguy_

i have suffocated from all the cuddles

this is my ghost

boo

* * *

_**The Mechanisms** _

**Tim** : rip Jonathan Sims, died of cuddles

 **Jon** : no matter how i actually die, i need that on my tombstone

 **Marius** : That can be arranged

 **Jon** : thanks

 **Marius** : np

* * *

**RL**

_@Cognizi_

Just got told my tea is second best to _@poetea_

I am fully prepared to duel you to the death for my title

**Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

**_Replying to @Cognizi_ **

You can have the title

 **RL** _@Cognizi_

You can not forfeit

 **Martin Blackwood** _@poetea_

why?

 **RL** _@Cognizi_

I want to beat you properly

* * *

_**☕Martin☕** _

**Martin** : your friends are crazy

 **Jon** : I know. Isn't it wonderful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> The note at the top is a bit bleak I promise I'm fine it was a joke.


	44. 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff you know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a month and six days I'm so sorry
> 
> But I do hope you like this!!
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

_**🤡 Nikola🤡** _

**Jon** : i am pretty sure one of your folks killed Olivers exboyfriend and aaaaaaa

 **Nikola** : Who?

 **Jon** : his name is Graham

 **Nikola** : Notebook guy? That Graham?

 **Jon** : yeah

 **Nikola** : Oh gosh

 **Jon** : yeah

 **Nikola** : um... totally not my fault

 **Jon:** i know that!

 **Nikola** : He was single when it happened I think? We wouldn't have them breakup unless..

 **Jon** : that break up is kind of what drove him over the edge

 **Nikola** : Did you tell him???? 

**Jon** : why would i do that without talking to you?

 **Nikola** : Give me 24 hours

 **Jon** : alright this better be good

 **Nikola** : no promises

* * *

**send me cat photos ✓**

_@thecatguy_

sometimes i think i trust my friends too much

**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

I have been telling you that for years

 **send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

and??

 **Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

Nothing.

* * *

_**😺Georgie😺** _

**Georgie** : What's wrong?

 **Jon** : keeping a really big secret!!

 **Georgie** : You do that a lot?

 **Jon** : keeping a really big secret, from Oliver

 **Georgie** : holy crap

 **Georgie** : Can you tell me?

 **Jon** : um.. yeah

* * *

**Georgie✓**

_@whattheghost_

I give up on trying to understand anything anymore smh

**Melanie✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

**_Replying to @whattheghost_ **

did you just abbreviate something? are you feeling okay??

 **Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

idk

**Melanie ✓** _@ghosthuntuk_

okay Ill be home in about ten minutes

* * *

**Sasha**

_@therealone_

Sometimes I get a feeling like something is going on that I'm supposed to be a part of but I'm not

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

**_Replying to @therealone_ **

Other timeline, babe! Don't worry about it! <3

 **Hell-en** _@TheSpiral_

^It's right. Don't you worry your pretty little head, darling!

 **Sasha** _@therealone_

I am both scared and oddly calmed by your replies.

Also thank you! You're both very pretty too!

 **Hell-en** _@TheSpiral_

If you could see our real faces you wouldn't say that! But thank you! And you're welcome!

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

Thank you! (Helen stop scaring her!)

 **Hell-en** _@TheSpiral_

Can't help it! Sorry!!

* * *

_**🤡Nikola🤡** _

**Nikola** : Okay, so, Graham was already single

 **Jon** : okay, and?

 **Nikola** : You can tell Oliver that it was because of the table and we had nothing to do with the whole death thing!

 **Jon** : got it, thanks

* * *

**Alexa play Dead!**

_@oLIVEr_

Seriously, what is life anymore?

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @oLIVEr_ **

We gotta stop using social media to cope

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

True

**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_

_**Replying to @oLIVEr** _

you good?

 **Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Define good

**Annabelle 🕷** _@webby_

alright not gonna do that but i get it

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)** _

**Martin** : you know oliver and jon have a lot less interactions online while he and thecatguy have a lot

 **Sasha** : and?

 **Tim** : idk what to do with that, but I like Oliver though so maybe we shouldn't include him in out of all this

 **Sasha** : you also like Jon

 **Tim** : this thing revolves around Jon! we cant actually cut him out of the picture. Oliver is thecatguy so we dont have to mess with him

 **Martin** : alright, why are you so angry?

 **Tim** : kind of tired, and im babysitting, sorry

 **Sasha** : who are you babysitting?

 **Tim:** who do you think?

 **Martin** : There is no way you're watching Callum

 **Tim** : excuse you! im great with kids! i had a younger brother

 **Sasha** : yeah, but Callum hates you, remember?

 **Tim** : well, yeah, but were working through that

 **Martin** : why are you babysitting though? Did Jon not have any other options

 **Tim** : im actually offended by that

 **Tim:** but to answer your question

 **Tim** : Jon and Oliver are 'working through something'(not anything to do with their relationship though, i asked), Georgie and Melanie are out on a date, Basira and Daisy should not watch children, and his other friends are off doing something i guess.

 **Sasha** : wow

 **Sasha** : What are y'all doing?

 **Tim** : cant believe you said yall

 **Tim** : were watching movies

 **Tim** : he likes comedies

 **Tim** : i dont know why but i was not expecting that

 **Martin** : he's like the most emo kid I have ever met though?

 **Tim:** dont ask me, man, i just tell you the facts

 **Sasha** : well tell him we said hi!

 **Tim** : i did

 **Tim** : he said, and i quote, 'Tell them hi, but this is the only time we will exchange pleasantries, if they try it again they will regret it deeply'

 **Martin** : ah, I can see how he and Jon get along so well

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : okay tim isnt that bad

 **Webby** : what made you change your mind?

 **Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : wouldnt you like to know, spider-girl

 **Webby** : wow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Building on certain relationships!!
> 
> Idea that Graham from Mag3 is the same Graham that Oliver mentioned in Mag11 was the same guy was brought to my attention by a post from @gayrudeboys on Tumblr
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	45. 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some random Avatar Twitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gerry has a Twitter now!!
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Jane Prentiss- worms-Jane-worms @worms  
> Gerry- BOO!! @dailyghoststuff  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**worms- Jane- worms**

_@worms_

*squish squish*

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

_**Replying to @worms** _

I agree

 **worms- Jane - worms** _@worms_

*squish*!!!

* * *

**Hell-en**

_@TheSpiral_

Let's just say that this is the best timeline and leave it at that

**Sasha** _@therealone_

**_Replying to @TheSpiral_ **

But I still have questions! Can I ask them please?

**Hell-en** _@TheSpiral_

Let me think about that... NO!

* * *

**BOO!!**

_@dailyghoststuff_

*woosh* *rattles pans*

* * *

**Alexa play Dead!**

_@oLIVEr_

Death _IS_ just a construct, but it will outlast everything, and yet we will never prove whether it is the definite end or not

Well, except for me, I know the answer to that

* * *

**send me cat photos ✓**

@thecatguy

you guys tell me my friends are weird like i dont already know that

**Georgie ✓** _@whattheghost_

_**Replying to @thecatguy** _

Thanks, I appreciate it

 **send me cat photos ✓** _@thecatguy_

you should

* * *

**Basira**

_@ashes_

I was going to buy a friend's kid Frankenstein, the book, and then every peice of media with the monster in it, but I was stopped by my friend, who said, and I quote, "Don't give him any ideas"

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

_**Replying to @ashes** _

that was good call on their part though

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias)** _

**Sasha** : Jon, who are you bringing to the company holiday party tonight?

 **Jon** : you'll see ;)

 **Martin** : what does that mean?

 **Tim** : lol

* * *

_**🤮Elias🤮** _

**Elias** : JON!

 **Jon** : yes?

 **Elias** : Did you really think I wouldn't see you?

 **Jon** : no, i wanted you to see me

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias)** _

**Sasha** : omg

 **Martin** : Are you trying to get fired?

 **Jon** : duh

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Webby** : oliver are you with jon

 **Oliver** : No, tonight's the Holiday Party at the Institute

 **Gerry:** if you're not there who did they bring as a date

 **Peter:** :)

 **Gerry** : seriously???

 **Archivist** : Elias is just standing there glaring at me

 **Nikola** : I am surprised that Peter would agree to this

 **Archivist** : are you kidding? hes loving it

 **Peter** : Sometimes being seen is worth it to make Elias angry

 **Webby** : i stan divorced peter

 **Helen** : Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!! 
> 
> I know this is short but I wanted to post something for a special treat considering tomorrow is Christmas! 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	46. 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i do not even know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, it has been a bit, but here is another short, but hopefully funny, chapter  
> I do not feel like editing it right now so nothing(mostly) will be bolded or italicized until I have the energy to do so, hope you understand
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Jane Prentiss- worms-Jane-worms @worms  
> Gerry- BOO!! @dailyghoststuff  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk  
> The Rest Are Ocs

Jon

@archivist 

My boss’s ex-husband is my new best friend 

Tim @alwaysstoked

Replying to @archivist

I feel betrayed

Jon @archivist

As you should

Georgie  ✓ @whattheghost

Replying to @archivist 

How dare you?

Jon @archivist

Obviously you’re still number 1, he’s just a close runner up

Georgie✓ @whattheghost

That’s what I thought

* * *

BOO!! 

@dailyghoststuff

@whattheghost and @ghosthuntuk Ghost-@ buddies? 

Melanie✓ @ghosthuntuk

Replying to @dailyghoststuff 

dude! I thought youd never ask!

Georgie✓ @whattheghost

Replying to @dailyghoststuff

Always glad to have another ghost pal lol 

send me cat photos✓ @thecatguy 

it scares me when you use lol fyi 

Georgie✓ @whattheghost 

I know :)

* * *

Nikola 

@plasticclown

Celebrity skincare videos irk me in everyway imaginable! Like omg!!! Use lotion and then come talk to me in a dark secluded alleyway and it will be ~fine~

GP Tim @teatime

Replying to @plasticclown

Nikola what have i told you about being creepy on the interwebs? 

Nikola @plasticclown

That it will get me more followers? 

GP Tim @teatime

Glad you remember 

* * *

GP Tim 

@teatime

have you ever seen something so beautiful? i might cry

Martin Blackwood @poetea

Replying to @teatime

I am concerned

GP Tim @teatime

Come on, Martin! It’s not like we need the moon!!!

Martin Blackwood @poetea

Yes we do!

GP Tim @teatime

Are you sure? 

Martin Blackwood @poetea

Yes

More Replies 

* * *

Marius 

@fiddlemethis

i think it is kinda messed up that i spent my entire college career, and thats 8 years folks, in a steampunk band made up of immortals, playing the flippin’ fiddle, and not sleeping at night to do gigs and also was is medical school and doing residencies, like, why did i do that???? 

BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria

Replying to @fiddlemethis

Because you love us

Marius @fiddlemethis

no i dont 

BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria

@drumbot

Marius @fiddlemethis

why? 

BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria

It is for your own good

* * *

The Mechanisms

Brian: Marius says he doesn’t love us!!! 

Marius: no i didnt

Ivy: yes you did

Jon: what? 

Brian: Check twitter

Basira: like Jon needs to be told to get on Twitter

Jon: rude

Jon: oh my gosh Tim you cant just threaten to blow up the moon

Tim: already did

Jon: Nikola, you cant say stuff like that unless you want them to investigate you

Nikola: this isn’t America

Jon: Marius you did say that you didnt love us, how could you? 

Marius: i was joking, it was a joke

Brian: I personally think he should have to hang out with us tonight

Tim: i second that motion

Basira: yeah

RL: same

Ivy: YES!

Jon: Marius?

Marius: fine

Brian: WE WON BOYS!!

* * *

send me cat photos ✓ 

@thecatguy

have you ever seen eight adults argue over who gets to hold a cat before? i have, it is almost terrifying

i did win though

Melanie✓ @ghosthuntuk

You have two cats? 

send me cat photos✓ @thecatguy

yeah, and i am holding one of them and @fiddlemethis has the other

Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk

Wheres your dog? 

send me cat photos✓ @thecatguy

lets just say that @drumbot is a traitor

Brian @drumbot

You hold _one_ dog

send me cat photos✓ @thecatguy

you should have seen this coming

More Replies 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr @needscaffeine  
> wrote this on google docs sorry if the spacing is weird or anything  
> I did do line breaks though  
> i think i lowkey ship Brian and Marius and don't know what to do about that lol  
> but like, not even in the Mechs Universe, just in this fic, I dont know


	47. 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's another short chapter please read end notes
> 
> The Twitters:  
> Avatars:  
> Annabelle Cane- Annabelle 🕷️ @webby  
> Daisy Tonner- Tonner @Daisy  
> Helen - Hell-en @thespiral  
> Michael- Michael @thedistortion  
> Oliver Banks- Alexa play Dead! @oLIVEr  
> Peter Lukas- Peter Lukas @lonelyncontent  
> Callum Brodie- Cthulhu, my love @ilurkinthedarkness  
> Jane Prentiss- worms-Jane-worms @worms  
> Gerry- BOO!! @dailyghoststuff  
> Breekon and Hope- Cockney Delivery Men @breekonnhope  
> Archive Crew:  
> Martin- Martin Blackwood @poetea  
> Sasha- Sasha @therealone (the real one)  
> Tim - Tim @alwaystoked  
> Mechanisms:  
> Basira- Basira @ashes  
> Gunpowder TIm- GP Tim @teatime  
> Raphaella- RL @Cognizi  
> Drumbot Brian- Brian @drumbot  
> Marius- Marius @fiddlemethis  
> Ivy Alexandria- BOOKS!! @IvyAlexandria  
> Folks Who Fit Into More Than One Catgory:  
> Jon- Jon @archivist  
> send me cat photos ✓ @thecatguy  
> Nikola- Nikola @plasticclown  
> Elias- Elias ✓ @themagnusinstitute  
> Folks That Don't Fit Into Any Category:  
> Georgie- Georgie ✓ @whattheghost  
> Melanie- Melanie ✓ @ghosthuntuk (Ghost-hunt-uk)  
> The Rest Are Ocs

**Jon**

_ @archivist _

You would not believe how accurate horror movies are until you have my job. Some people’s fight or flight needs to be fixed, like now

**Jon** _@archivist_

**_Replying to @archivist_ **

That being said, to the guy who gave a statement back in 1998, I respect you and only you

**Joshua** _@icehim_

_**Replying to @archivist** _

Thanks :)

**More Replies**

* * *

**send me cat photos ✓**

_ @thecatguy _

the only problem i have with cats is that i cant do any work with them around, not because they lay on my laptop or book but because i always drop everything to play with them

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

**_Replying to @thecatguy_ **

Let them into another room

**send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

eww youre not allowed to be reasonable

**Mic-hell** _@TheDistortion_

oops 

* * *

**GP Tim**

_ @teatime  _

Heard Americans want to blow up the moon, have to say Im all for it

**Sasha** _@therealone_

_**Replying to @teatime** _

Sometimes Jon’s friends worry me

**GP Tim** _@teatime_  
:))))))))

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)** _

**Martin:** Sasha

**Sasha:** yes

**Martin:** aren’t you kind of friends with Michael and Helen? 

**Sasha:** yes? 

**Martin** _:_ so why don’t YOU ask them if they’re dating Jon

**Tim:** do you expect them to answer honestly? 

**Martin** : aren’t they always brutally honest? 

**Tim:** yeah, I guess

**Sasha** : sure!! Hold on one moment

* * *

_**@therealone, @TheDistortion, & @TheSpiral** _

**Sasha** : so, Jon? 

**Michael:** what about him? 

**Helen** : well he is quite adorable, don’t you think? 

**Michael:** I do, but I doubt that is what Sasha will ask us about

**Helen:** I suppose not. What about Jon? 

**Sasha:** are you two dating him? 

**Michael:** yes

**Helen:** no

**Michael:** Maybe

**Helen:** Maybe

**Sasha:** did you plan that? 

**Helen:** no

**Sasha:** alright, but what is the real answer

**Michael:** I don’t know

**Helen** :  Schrödinger ’s Relationship, if you will

**Sasha** : I’m confused

**Michael** : so’s  Schrödinger

-

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias And Jon)** _

**Sasha** : they were ultimately unhelpful

**Tim** : im not surprised

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Helen** : So it would seem Sasha and your other friends are now taking other means to figure out who you’re dating, other than Oliver

**Michael** : That was a fun conversation though, I do not know if she’ll be messaging us again anytime soon 

**Archivist** : what did you do? 

**Helen** : ;)

* * *

**Nikola**

@ _plasticclown_

_@breekonnhope_ are the only gays I respect

**send me cat photos✓** _@thecatguy_

_**Replying to @plasticclown** _

i am both offended and also agree completely

**Alexa play Dead!** _@_ _oL_ _IVEr_

_**Replying to @plasticclown** _

That is more than fair

**Cockney Delivery Men** _@breekonnhope_

_**Replying to @plasticclown** _

Thank you Ma’am/ It’s Appreciated

* * *

**Alexa play Dead!**

_ @oLIVEr  _

I have made the biggest mistake of my life, someone help

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

_**Replying to @oLIVEr** _

what did u do? 

**Alexa play Dead!** _@oLIVEr_

Well I am about to kill you for spelling ‘you’ like that

**GP Tim** _@teatime_

r-you-de

* * *

**Cthulhu, my love**

_ @ilurkinthedarkness _

i suddenly have an extreme interest in the occult 

**Annabelle** 🕷️ _@webby_

_**Replying to @ilurkinthedarkness** _

i think i know what _@oLIVEr_ did 

**Cthulhu, my love** _@ilurkinthedarkness_

lol yeah

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Webby** : jon? 

**Archivist** : i dont want to talk about it

**Gerry** : its not that bad

**Archivist** : yes it is

**Archivist** : Oliver is officially not allowed to babysit anymore

**Oliver** : Really? 

**Archivist** : yes

**Oliver** : fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> Okay, so, February 5th is the one year anniversary of this fic and I have something planned, sorta, but, I have come to the realization that even with how insane the timeline is mangled in this one, that we are still closer to the events of the second season. I do not remember if I have alluded to anything from the 3-4th seasons, but that can retrospectively be thrown out the window I guess. I have also been listening to the podcast again, needing to catch back up for season five, you know?  
> Anyways, what I want to ask is if you guys would like me to include anything specific going forward? Any characters from the podcast, any events? Just whatever, let me know and I will do my best :)  
> (You can also request anything you'd like to just see in the fic)


	48. 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff lol  
> tw: sort of insensitive joke towards brain tumors (it's not too bad but I try to be careful)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idea given by Anachronistic_Cat , thanks, seriously because I knew how I wanted structure the next few chapters but I swear I've been going through a ginormous bout of writers block and this was just a top tier idea

“Hello, you have reached the office of Elias Bouchard, Head of-”

“Whatever”, a young voice, that Elias recognized said over the line, cutting him off, “I was just calling to tell you that Nikola kidnapped Jon so, yeah” And then the line went dead. 

“Well, shit”, he groaned, setting his phone down, head dropping to his desk with a bang. 

-

“Alright, I’m going over there”, Tim said standing up, all of them having tried to call and message Jon multiple times now with out any sort of reply. 

“Don’t over react, Tim”, Sasha sighed, not paying attention to the fact that Martin was also sliding his coat on now. 

“It’s not overreacting, you’ve seen the company he keeps”, he reminded her, “And Callum kept sending me curses last night, there’s no telling what happened”

“Fine”, Sasha groaned, joining them now in putting on their coats, “Let’s go and hurry back before Elias finds out”

“That’s implying that he doesn’t already know”, Martin said, and they all nodded slightly as they made their ways upstairs. 

-

“What if he’s just like, asleep or something?”, Martin asked as Tim knocked on the door. 

“Don’t be daft, Martin, Jon doesn’t sleep”, he said, and that shut that line of questioning down quick, and it was just seconds later that the door opened to reveal the face of Callum Brodie, staring up at them with a puzzled expression. 

“Can I help you?”, he asked, looking as though he was fully prepared to slam the door in their faces. 

“We’re looking for Jon. Is he here?”, Sasha asked, forgetting that Tim and Callum were on good terms now. 

“Oh, here”, he handed her a piece of red and white paper, and the lettering was also in red, but for someone reason Sasha didn’t think that it was ink. 

“Callum, I have taken Jon, I may return him, I may not, have fun! -Nikola”, she read the note off out loud, “Jon’s been kidnapped?”

“Yeah, really isn’t a big of a deal”, Callum shrugged, now walking away, leaving the door open, knowing that the three of them would follow either way. 

“What do you mean not a big deal?”, Martin asked. 

“Pretty sure I mean that Nikola won’t harm him”, he said as they entered the living area and they were all made aware of a small, pale man, sitting on the couch, and despite the turtleneck that he had on, they could all see part of his scar sticking up out of the back of his shirt. 

“Who’s this?”, Tim asked, his attention span not being so great.

“Me?”, the man was now standing, striding over to three archival assistants, hand outstretched, he grabbed Tim’s and began to shake it, “Mike Crew! I’m watching Callum here while Oliver is at work, and well, as you may know, Jon is a bit preoccupied”

“Are you not concerned about all of this?”, Martin asked. 

“Oh, no, Nikola won’t cause any harm! In fact, you all probably don’t even truly know who she is!”, he smiled, having to look up to meet their eyes, even Sasha, since he couldn’t be more than a little over five feet tall. 

“If anything, he’ll just come back with a better skincare routine”, Callum snickered from the couch. 

“And maybe knowing how to dance”, Mike joked back. 

“Shouldn’t all of you be taking this more seriously?”, Sasha asked. 

“That is the same question Martin just asked, Ms.James, but no. I don’t think it’s too uncommon for friends to kidnap each other, do you?”

“A little”

“Well, you must not have very good friends”, she was about to refute that when the door behind her creaked open again. 

“Mike! I have brought food for the child”, Annabelle called, entering the room, Tupperware in hand. 

“It better not be flies, you weirdo”, Callum muttered, Annabelle chose to ignore him. 

“Oh! Hello! I suppose you’ve heard about our small problem”, She said, handing the containers over to Mike who began to walk to the kitchen with them. 

“I wouldn’t say small…”, Martin trailed off. 

“Annabelle, Nikola wants you to text Daisy, to text Basira and say she needs eyeliner”, Callum said then, picking his phone up then throwing it away from himself once he had read it. 

“Aren’t they police?”, Tim asked. 

“Not since me”, Callum smirked, “They quit, pretty sure they run a flower shop now” 

“Hard to imagine Daisy in a flower shop”, Mike mused, still in the kitchen. Callum clicked his tongue and murmured something under his breath that sounded quite a lot like ‘girls’, which he then looked apologetic for when Annabelle shot him a look. 

“Whatever, Aunt Georgie is supposed to be here soon anyways, she called the school this morning you know?”, Callum told them, now heading towards the bedrooms.

“And what about your pets?”, Annabelle called, cutting Tim off before he had spoken, his mouth still hanging open. 

“Isn’t that what you’re for?”, he asked, shooting her a glance, “Plus, Oliver will be back later” 

“Oliver lives here?”, Sasha asked, and Martin also looked a bit surprised,Tim less so. 

“Yeah”, he turned back towards them now, “Sort of. He’s just over some nights, it’s not a big deal” 

“Not a big deal like Jon being kidnapped?”, Tim asked. 

“Nikola isn’t going to hurt him! Will you shut up?!”, Callum exploded suddenly and stormed off to his room, the door slamming loudly behind him. 

Annabelle tsked at all of them before following Callum. That was when Mike reentered the room. 

“I think it’s about time you leave”, he smiled, polite, but stern, and so they did, planning on heading to Georgie and Melanie’s flat next, hoping for some sanity. 

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Mike** : u have the 3 stooges looking 4 u now Nikola

**Nikola** : Lovely! We’re on the opposite side of London though so I doubt they find us before we move on! 

**Nikola** : Jon would also like me to add that he is fine and hoping that Basira remembers to bring his makeup

**Daisy** : we’re on our way

**Oliver** : Was it really necessary to kidnap him

**Nikola** : this was his idea

**Oliver** : It was not! 

**Nikola** : It was! 

**Nikola** : We’ve been planning this small tour for a while, and Jon happened to mention that unless he was kidnapped Elias wasn’t going to give him the time off

**Nikola** : so, totally his eye-dea

**Gerry** : even I hate that pun 

**Webby** : says the man with so many eyeballs on his body it’s amazing he never became a full-blown avatar 

**Gerry** : guess brain tumors are good for one thing then

**Oliver** : not funny

**Gerry** : dont you like death

**Oliver** : sometimes

**Mike** : i think weve gotten off track here

**Oliver** : Nikola, ask Jon if he is actually worried about them

**Nikola** : okay

**Webby** : well..

**Nikola** : he started to cackle, I think we’ll be fine

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I have been working on this fic over the last year and I can't express how much it has helped me through some stuff because sometimes you just HAVE to write a bunch of usually scary characters being best buds. This fic really is a comfort, and I know several of you have said the same thing, and I am glad that I have been able to provide something that has helped not just me but others, and at least we got one good thing out of 2020, am I right?  
> Anyways, I just wanted to say that, and tell y'all that I do read and cherish every single comment and I appreciate that you all have put up with my crap over the last year, and some chapters being ridiculously short(especially when compared to chapter 15 which might be the greatest literary achievement of all time) and so thank you. I hope you are all safe and healthy, and if you aren't I hope that your situation changes soon and that everything starts looking up.  
> So, thanks, again. 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine


	49. 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ooooh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, welcome to chapter two of our 1 year anniversary special

_**The Mechs** _

**Nikola** : now that I have acquired Jon, it would seem that Marius’ job the only real problem

**Marius** : It’s fine, I have so much built up vacation time and I have all my patients scheduled for after or set up with a PA

**Brian** : doesn’t mean he’s moving any faster though

**Marius** : sorry if I actually want my stuff packed and not just thrown in a suitcase 

**Basira** : now you’re sounding like Jon

**Nikola** : Jon made a very indignant noise when he read that

**Basira** : I don’t care :)

**Tim** : alright, if that’s all settled, then we will see you soon Nikola

* * *

Sasha and Tim had gone to check on the Archives and to Oliver’s store, respectively, so that meant Martin was stuck being the one to confront Melanie, since they all assumed Georgie had already left. 

He knocked on the door to find Melanie standing there in her pajamas, glasses low on her nose and hair tied up in a small ponytail, looking as though she’d only been up for a few minutes. “I suppose you’re here because of Jon?”

“Yeah”, Martin nodded, and then he was invited in, The Admiral immediately winding around his ankle, purring gently. 

“Sit down, this may take a moment to explain”, she said and then moved towards the kitchen, “would you like some tea?”

“Always”

-

Tim, being the only one to meet Oliver on *good terms, found himself standing in front of a small magick shop. He entered the bell above the door ringing loudly. Immediately he was hit by hundreds of scents and he found himself moving to cover his nose. 

Luckily, Oliver was at the front counter and Tim didn’t have to looking around the shop for him. “If you’re here about Jon, don’t bother, he’s just on tour”

That threw him off and he took a step back in surprise. He knew Oliver could be rather blunt, but he was also fairly polite. Also, Jon was on tour? For what? 

Sensing that Tim was now having an existential crisis, Oliver waved him behind the counter and led him to the back room, saying he would explain. Tim sure hoped he would, Elias was going to mad when he got back. 

-

“Hello there”, Michael smiled at Sasha from where it sat on top of Martin’s desk, “We’ve been sent to explain a few things”

“So if you would please have a seat”, Helen said, sitting on Tim’s desk herself, gesturing to Sasha’s own desk. Sasha followed the order and sat. 

“Who sent you? Nikola? Who is she?”, she asked once seated. 

“Nikola, and who she is isn’t important”, Michael began and then Helen continued: 

“What is important is that you understand that Jon is fine”

For some reason, Sasha believed them. 

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)** _

**Tim** : JON IS IN A BAND!

**Sasha** : So I’ve just heard

**Martin** : Melanie said I blacked out when she told me

**Tim** : I mean, I knew he could sing but imagining him in a band, it’s almost impossible

**Sasha** : right? 

**Martin** : Basira is also in this band

**Tim** : She’s what?!

**Martin** : that’s what Melanie said

**Sasha** : we have to go see them perform

**Tim** : Jon would kill us

**Martin** : and if he didn’t Basira might

**Sasha** : you two sent me to spy on him and I got caught you are coming to this with me!

**Tim** : yes ma’am!

**Martin** : fine

* * *

When they all met back up at work, they didn’t do anything that they were supposed to and instead began to try and figure out anything and everything about this band, and even though Tim messaged Georgie, she seemed to find it fun to be as vague as possible, no wonder her and Jon got along so well. 

They did eventually find the webpage for the band, after googling a few variations of Jon’s name, and even the other Tim, who they assumed had been apart of it as well, just a lucky guess really.

The Mechanisms, as the website told them the name of the band was, had a some venues listed, and the first one just so happened to be in London, so, buying the three of them tickets, they began to plan the rest of their night, which just so happened to include discovering new things about their boss. 

* * *

_**The Mechs** _

**Ivy** : what is Sasha’s last name? 

**Basira** : James. Why? 

**Ivy** : It would seem she just bought three tickets for tonight

**Nikola** : great

**RL** : Oh come on, surely it won’t be that bad

**Tim** : actually it might be

**Brian** : lets just figure out how to deal with it later

**Nikola** : Jon said to leave it alone. They had to figure it out eventually

**Marius** : Yeah, but does he want his staff to see him in full makeup and screaming and cursing at the top of his lungs? 

**Nikola** : he said, and I quote, “Who fucking cares at this point?”

**Marius** : Amazing 

* * *

_**Avatars? More Like Avastars** _

**Nikola** : alright, the 3 stooges as Mike has so lovingly called them are supposed to show up tonight, so

**Nikola** : _@Jar_ _ed_ you up to be security tonight? 

**Jared** : wots n it 4 me? 

**Nikola** : I am sure we can figure _something_ out

**Jared** : alright

**Oliver** : Since that was settled, Nikola did you really have to leave Jon without his phone? 

**Nikola** : Of I hadn’t Elias would have been able to contact him

**Oliver** : He could have ignored it

**Nikola** : its more fun this way

**Nikola** : it doesnt even give him a chance

**Nikola** : this is Jon btw

**Webby** : we got that babe

**Nikola** : cool

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : hi jon 

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : also, ewww dont flirt with jon

**Webby** : i call everyone babe

**Nikola** : she does

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : whatever

**Xx_mysoulisthedark_xX** : can you tell georgie im allowed to come to tonight or oliver? 

**Nikola** : Oliver, Callum is allowed to come tonight

**Oliver** : Really? 

**Nikola** : I took my phone back but he said it should be fine and I agree

**Oliver** : No offense, but I don’t really trust your opinion on how to take care of kids

**Nikola** : says the one who got him into the occult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> this was supposed to be up sooner but oh well 
> 
> ALSO I just caught up with the podcast and I am screaming!!


	50. 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 50!!! YAY!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for today! We have officially reached 50 chapters! I can hardly believe it!

“I’m just saying, we could get him to kill them”, Nikola suggested again as Jon was trying very hard to apply his eyeline to everywhere on his face, including his eyes. Tim, who was sitting next to him, doing the exact same thing, just shot her a look, knowing that Jon was never going to agree to that. Daisy seemed keen on it though, since her head swiveled towards them slightly. 

“I’d rather all my friends survive the night”, Jon said, now looking towards her, a small smile on his face, “Speaking of which, you may want to get dressed no telling what Tim might do if he somehow recognizes you”

Nikola sighed and walked away, just as Tim looked over at Jon. “What did she do the other Tim?”

“You know how she’s actually like 200 years old?”

“Yeah”

“Well, while in her old body she may or may not have eaten his brother”

“Oh”, Tim said, holding it out for a minute before returning to his makeup, “That’ll do it”

“I suppose it would”, Jon said, now standing up, wanting to go help Nikola out, her arm still a bit messed up from a while back. 

-

Oliver had decided that he and Callum should probably get there early since the kid didn’t like to travel at night, not that he could blame him. When they got there, they found Raphaella standing next to the entrance digging through her bag, obviously looking for something. 

“Hello”, Oliver called as they approached and she looked up, waving. “Are you missing something?”

“Just looking for- Oh! I found it!”, She pulled a small remote out, holding it up proudly. 

“What does it go to?”, Callum asked. 

“You’ll see”, She winked, “And if you’re looking for Jon, I think he’s with Brian, helping with the facepaint, you know?”

“Yeah”, Oliver nodded, despite not knowing at all, “Thanks”

“No problem”, She smiled and then walked away, towards a very familiar delivery van. 

-

“It would seem you have visitors Jon”, Brian murmured, looking past the shoulders of both him and Ivy as they touched up the silver on his face. 

“Yes, I know”, and he did, but right then he had been quite focused on the task in front of him. 

“Well, go on then, I can handle this”, Ivy waved him off, so Jon dropped the small sponge he had been holding and turned towards Oliver and Callum. 

“A bit early aren’t we?”, he asked, smiling at them. 

Oliver just shrugged as Callum walked past him entirely and towards the prop guns on the other side of the room. “You know that he likes to do stuff while the sun’s still up”

“Can’t blame him, weird things lurk in the dark”, Jon responded, smirking slightly. 

“What? Like you?”, Oliver countered.

“I’m not the sleepwalker”

“It’s dreamwalking, there’s a difference”

“it all just sounds like a bunch of unneeded exercise if you ask me”, Jon remarked and Oliver laughed. 

-

“Are you supposed to have that?”, Daisy asked, moving to sit next to Callum by the props. He was twirling Jon’s revolver around his finger absentmindedly and looked up at her. 

“No one told me I couldn’t”, he shrugged. 

“Fair enough”, she smiled, just slightly, “Are you staying for the performance then?”

“Yeah, but just tonight’s”

“You don’t want to see the others?”, Daisy asked. 

“Don’t want to be out to late moving from city to city, don’t expect you to understand”

“Believe it or not, I understand quite a bit”, she commented and Callum didn’t reply, just sat there playing with the fake gun. 

“I’ll leave you be then, Basira wants me to help move some stuff anyways”, Daisy said, standing and ruffling his hair. Callum swatted her hand away before saying a small goodbye. 

And that was when someone else sat down next to him. “That was adorable”, Ivy told him, and then held out a hand, “Come on, Raphaella has tea and snacks, best get there before Tim”

“Alright, but I am *not adorable”, Callum argued, taking her hand and letting her lead him out of the room and to where ever Raphaella was. Ivy didn’t say anything back, but internally disagreed with his assessment. 

* * *

When they arrived that night, Tim, Sasha, and Martin found themselves seated next to Michael and Helen, who were actually human sized currently, and in front of them they could just barely make out the shapes of Oliver and Callum. They were certain that if they looked hard enough they might find Annabelle Cane and Mike Crew as well, but they did not look hard enough. 

They had arrived a little earlier than needed, but it was a good idea considering the giant of a man that they had as security, who had not wanted to let them enter for some reason, and because it wasn’t too long before other began to pile in, crowding them. 

When the lights went down and the band walked onto the stage, all of their jaws dropped. Sure, they had seen a few pictures online, but seeing it in person, Jon with all the makeup and steampunk gear, hair teased and staticky, almost reminiscent of Michael’s hair, it was a shock(no pun intended). And then he began to speak, loud and in a voice that was barely his own, introducing the band. 

-

When the lights had turned off, Oliver felt a hand grasp his own and turned to look at Callum, but he was looking towards the stage, watching as the band emerged. It was interesting seeing all of them like that, except for Nikola who didn’t appear too different than how she usually looked, just with a mustache. 

It was only when Jon, or Jonny, began speaking that Oliver was thrown off though. It was completely different to his usual demeanor, and though he had expected it, and even seen it in small glimpses when the band rehearsed and he was there, this seemed different, and for some reason he found himself thinking that this must be like when he read statements, not that he could prove that, it was just more of a hunch. 

Callum on the other hand was actually impressed with the whole thing, and was enjoying it, not that he would ever admit that, and he was going to make sure Jon knew that he thought he was a nerd later. 

Even if they both knew it wasn’t true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> This chapter was going to be longer but I decided to cut it off, just felt like it fit. There might be a time skip after this but who knows?   
> Anyways, stay safe and healthy!


	51. 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol x2

_ **Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)** _

**Sasha** : you know..

**Tim** : what

**Sasha** : after watching them interact last night, how are we supposed to be sure that hot Tim isn’t the person Jon is dating? 

**Tim** : I take offense to him being called ‘Hot Tim’

**Martin** : what do you not think he’s good looking? 

**Tim** : of course I do but I also think I’M good looking

**Sasha** : fine, I won’t call him that

**Tim** : thanks 

**Sasha** : you’re welcome, now what do you think of my theory

**Martin** : weren’t they playing characters though? 

**Tim** : Yeah, pretty sure those characters also hated each other

**Sasha** : how is that not the ideal ship? 

**Martin** : you have serious issues

**Sasha** : thank you 

**Tim** : don’t think it was a compliment Sash

**Sasha** : I don’t really care

**Martin** : anyways

**Martin** : he actually had more chemistry with like Ashes or Raphaella and it can’t be Basira

**Tim** : You think he had chemistry with Raphaella? Why? 

**Tim** : Martin???

**Sasha** : Tim, he has been typing for the last ten minutes what have you done

**Tim** : I don’t know!

-

**Sa** **sha** : goodness Martin! Have you been thinking about that since last night? 

**Martin** : no? Why? 

**Tim** : its ten thousand words! 

**Martin** : I am an emotional person 

**Sasha** : well next time try to keep it to less than 5 thousand please

**Martin** : fine

**Sasha** : thanks

**Tim** : actually I think Brian and him had a pretty good connection

**Martin** : What!?!?! WHY???

**Sasha** : no stop! He’s worse than you when it comes to long texts

**Tim** : rude

**Martin** : ^^

* * *

_**@TheDistortion, @TheSpiral, & @therealone** _

**Sasha** : May I ask you two a question? 

**Helen** : Of Course! 

**Michael** : But keep it short

**Helen** : We’re in the middle of something 

**Sasha** : alright, do I want to know what that is? 

**Michael** : no :)

**Sasha** : fair enough

**Sasha** : Who all, that you know of, is Jon dating

**Helen** : Well, there’s Oliver

**Michael** : Lovely person

**Helen** : Yes he is

**Michael** : We should stop by and say hi later

**Helen** : We should! 

**Sasha** : Guys

**Michael** : Oh yes, and then there’s maybe us

**Helen** : And also maybe Mike

**Michael** : Peter as well, perhaps

**Helen** : Oh I do think that Hot Tim was giving him ‘the look’ last night, don’t you? 

**Michael** : I do! 

**Sasha** : This has been completely unhelpful

**Helen** : You’re welcome!

**Michael** : It is what we do best ;)

* * *

_**@Daisy & @therealone** _

**Sasha** : Daisy, is there any chance I can get the names of all the people on that group chat you and Jon are on? 

**Daisy** : y? 

**Sasha** : Just wanting to connect! 

**Daisy** : y dont u just ask jon

**Sasha** : he was kidnapped and does not have his phone

**Daisy** : o right hold on

* * *

_**Work Chat (Minus Elias and Jon)** _

**Sasha** : do either of you have a whiteboard? 

**Tim** : why? 

**Sasha** : I have a list of about 80 names we need to go through

**Tim** : alright, I have one

**Martin** : I’ll bring tea! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol x3 
> 
> Tumblr @needscaffeine

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr @needscaffeine
> 
> If you have ideas for this let me know.


End file.
